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Old 08-13-2017, 04:52 AM   #1
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Default Seagull Attack!

The Seagull must be starving,


http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/seagull-testicle/


As the man – who has not been named – dozed on his patio in his detached home near Ipswich, the seagull swooped from the sky, and with one bite of its beak ripped away the right testicle.

He woke screaming in agony, and saw the bird flying away with one of his ‘crown jewels’ wedged in its yellow beak.

His wife called an ambulance, and staff at Ipswich Hospital’s accident and emergency department had to patch him up, and give him a course of antibiotics to prevent infection.

A hospital source said: “Nobody could quite believe it when the poor chap was brought in. There was a lot of blood and he was in agony, but he will feel better in a few weeks.

“The injury is not life threatening, and tests have confirmed that his remaining testicle is still in working order, so he will be able to have children.”

A spokesman for research group Seagull Watch International confirmed that seagulls often feed on the eggs of small birds.

“Eggs are full of protein – it’s why we eat them, after all. Gulls will often steal other birds’ eggs, so it is unfortunate for this man that his private parts resembled a couple of eggs in a nest.

“It was no doubt a young adult gull that is still learning to be independent.

“This is the first time we have heard of such an attack in the UK, and it is probably a one-off event, but just in case this particular seagull has now got a taste for ‘men’s eggs’, we would recommend putting some shorts on while sunbathing at home.”

Ipswich Hospital refused to name the seagull victim, or even pass on an interview request from the Suffolk Gazette.
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:09 AM   #2
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That's nuts
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:16 AM   #3
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I was waiting for the punch line
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:47 AM   #4
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Suffolk Gazette may be my new favorite newspaper! Here's another good one: http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/pregnant-vaccination/
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:59 AM   #5
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I think she found something else other then herself while visiting Africa. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the delivery room.
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Old 08-13-2017, 07:36 AM   #6
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I think she found something else other then herself while visiting Africa. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the delivery room.
My thoughts exactly!
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Old 08-13-2017, 07:40 AM   #7
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Hubby ain't too bright apparently.
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Old 08-13-2017, 07:47 AM   #8
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I'm starting to think these are actually fictional sadly...
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Old 08-13-2017, 08:08 AM   #9
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http://www.suffolkgazette.com

It's kind of like the Onion it turns out.
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Old 08-13-2017, 08:32 AM   #10
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Guess you could say it was a ballsey move on the birds part.
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:17 AM   #11
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I had a gull steal a rib off of the grill while I was standing there turning them. I didn't miss it though, it was a spare.
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:41 AM   #12
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Regarding the Ipswich "story" I wonder if the gull was also looking for a side of sausage to go with his egg?
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Old 08-13-2017, 09:59 AM   #13
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The guy doesn't have the balls to publish his name....
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Old 08-13-2017, 10:20 AM   #14
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Quote:
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Regarding the Ipswich "story" I wonder if the gull was also looking for a side of sausage to go with his egg?
Li'l smoky?
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Old 08-13-2017, 10:41 AM   #15
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I had a gull steal a rib off of the grill while I was standing there turning them. I didn't miss it though, it was a spare.

BOO!!!

haha
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