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15yr old boy 12yr old girl.. what to do

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15yr old boy 12yr old girl.. what to do

Old 02-11-2019, 11:51 AM
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Default 15yr old boy 12yr old girl.. what to do

Long Story Warning

So my girlfriend and I have been living together for 10 years now. Not married, neither of us think it is necessary.
She has 2 daughters who may as well be my own. I have been helping to raise them since they were 2 and 5. Now 12 and 15.

The 12 year old has managed to get herself into a "relationship" with a 15 year old boy from another school about an hour away from where we live. The daughter of a close family friend is close friends with this boy. When the 12 year old would go see the family friend I guess the boy was around and that is how this got started. It must have escalated to where it is now via talking on the phone, snapchat what have you.

In any case one day my girlfriend is getting ready to leave for work one morning and she goes and checks on her daughters and finds this boy sleeping in the bed with the 12 year old! She freaks out and throws the boy out of the house and wakes me up. We contact his adopted mother and let her know what is happening. Severely ground the 12 year old and take away all means she has of contacting the boy. She is defiant, says they love each-other and will never give up on him... yada yada.

Our mistake was not monitoring her device closely enough. She is 12 and we had no idea she was even interested in such a relationship already. But that was a serious mistake, I get that. She now has zero access to any electronics whatsoever. The door has been removed from her room. The windows in her room are permanently locked and cannot be opened without power tools or breaking the glass.

Several months go by with no contact that we know of between her and the boy. The 12 year old is finally starting to come around and act normal again, not so depressed and angry and hung up on this boy. Things seem to be heading in the right direction.

But then we get a phone call from the boys mother in the middle of a week night. She says the boy stole her car and she thinks he is headed to our house to try to see the 12 year old. 12 year old has no idea that this is going on. Sure enough at about 1am the outside dogs start barking and run around the house towards the outside of 12yr olds window. I grab a spotlight and sneak outside and get to the corner of the house. I look in the direction that the dogs are looking and fire up the spotlight. Sure enough there is this boy. He takes of running for the road about 200 yards away. I take off after him but immediately loose one of my shoes. Then I have to take off the other one to run correctly. By this time I have no hope of catching this kid, hes a quick little shit. He had parked in the street near my driveway. He hops in the car and takes off.

So this is the second time he has attempted to break into my house that I know of. I can see his muddy shoe prints on top of my AC unit where he was trying to get into the window. Good thing the window could not be opened. I have no idea what this kid is capable of at this point.

We called the cops this time and told them everything. They basically said there was absolutely nothing they could do because the kid is a minor. Even if I caught the boy and held him for the cops they wouldn't be able to do anything but return him to his parents.

The boys mother adopted him and several other kids. She is like 70 years old and not equipped to handle this boy. She says she is going to try to get him help. I have little confidence in this.

The cops will do nothing. They already said so. What are my options? I know hindsight is 20-20 but what would you do going forward. I cant think of anything that doesn't risk me going to jail... that helps noone long term. Any lawyers reading this that know of any options?

This is taking place in Middle Tennessee by the way.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:54 AM
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oh boy... she apparently has some serious Daddy issues. Do your best to give her confidence, respect, encouragement and most of all self -esteem so that she has a good relationship with an adult male figure and doesn't need to go fill the void elsewhere. You cant stop the rabid racoons from trying to enter the house you better work on her not wanting them. The way you do that is by being a good role model, treating her mom really well and most importantly having a good relationship with her. Tell her she is awesome (or has a lot of potential) dont beat her down.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:58 AM
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Let him break in and shoot him.

Talk with your daughter, it's quite possible she's been using a friends phone at school to stay in communications. The boy doesn't understand jerk off and leave the girl alone. You could wait until he turns 16, maybe then the cops can do something.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:03 PM
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Pick up line in a bar: "Do you have a good relationship with your father?"

If she says yes, reply "Oh that is great , it is so important."

If she says no, reply "what are you drinking?"
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:04 PM
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Have you tried talking to your (girlfriends) 15 yo daughter....she may have some insight as to what is going on. She may also have enough pull to get the 12 yo to stay away from the boy....unless the 15 yo daughter is sneaking boys in as well, then you're totally screwed.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:05 PM
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I think what griffin said. What ever you decide you need to work with your daughter about the decisions she is making.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:05 PM
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12 is too young.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:06 PM
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I can't believe the cops can't do anything. Run it up the chain of command. This a seriously dangerous situation! It is not going to end well.
There are laws against sexual contact with minors even by minors. Look into this.
Contact a family lawyer if you have to, they will know what laws are being broken here.

Asking on a boating website is not the place you should be asking. Not criticizing just trying to get you to realize the severity of this situation (seems you already know) and go to the proper authorities and get proper answers. Chief of Police, District Attorney, etc.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by GR1FFIN View Post
. Do your best to give her confidence, respect, encouragement and most of all self -esteem so that she has a good relationship with an adult male figure and doesn't need to go fill the void elsewhere. You cant stop the rabid racoons from trying to enter the house you better work on her not wanting them. The way you do that is by being a good role model, treating her mom really well and most importantly having a good relationship with her. Tell her she is awesome (or has a lot of potential) dont beat her down.
This and marry the mom and show the girls how it should be .... in other words, walk the walk. Kids learn by example.

Good job on acting like the father. Now step it up and be the father. Should have done it a long time ago.



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Old 02-11-2019, 12:11 PM
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More dogs outside.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:12 PM
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Oh boy...you and I can swap some stories for hours on end. Without derailing your thread I went through the same thing but my daughter was 14 and got pregnant by a boy who was 18. I live in Florida BTW.... and even the DA's office wouldn't prosecute. Then my daughter had a miscarriage and after that I dealt with the break-ins, stealing my car, locking windows, removing doors, etc.. I mean it was 5 years of hell until I could get her out of my home.

I couldn't even kick her out because then then I would be charged with child neglect. Basically I could do NOTHING legally and had to let my daughter get away with everything or I would be charged. It was a real, real eye opener.

Bottom line is I feel your pain and cannot offer any advice except buckle in for a long hard ride.
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Last edited by homeby51; 02-11-2019 at 12:32 PM.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:14 PM
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In Mississippi if the girl is not 17 and you are 24 months older than her it's considered statuary rape. I'd contact a lawyer.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:15 PM
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Why couldn't the cops do anything about kid driving his adopted mother's car? Can you drive at 15 in TN? If his mom calls you with a repeat of this scenario, get the cops to your house and bag the little SOB.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:19 PM
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I call BS on the cops not being able to do anything. They are CHOOSING not to do anything because the child is a minor. Being a minor doesn't make you immune to prosecution. Many punishments given may terminate on their 18th birthday, but there's plenty of kids in juvie that did something to get there.

You want to go on record with the police stating that you feel your daughter's life is in danger from this kid. He doesn't have strong parental oversight and already acted inappropriately (sleeping in the bed) and after being forbidden to see her, he escalated and stole a car. He's obviously making poor choices and when most other kids would have stopped. How far should he be allowed to escalate? What if he tries something that hurts your daughter?

I'd get a TRO against the minor, and if you get any pushback, tell them you want the refusal in writing. If anything happens down the road, you'll be in a much better light if you have tried everything by the book.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:23 PM
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take the boy deep sea fishing, end of problem
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:24 PM
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Their might not be an answer to your problem? Any thing you do ( except run) might turn out bad.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:24 PM
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There is a 15 yr old trespassing on your property, not to mention likely inappropriate contact with a child under the age of 13. The police not being able to do anything is total BS. They just don’t want the involvement of a domestic problem. Press the police , file whatever charges you can, because if there’s ever a phisiclal altercation with you and this kid YOUR the one going to jail!
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by signmansez View Post
I can't believe the cops can't do anything. Run it up the chain of command. This a seriously dangerous situation! It is not going to end well.
There are laws against sexual contact with minors even by minors. Look into this.
Contact a family lawyer if you have to, they will know what laws are being broken here.
I believe it. Read my post above....I went to lawyers, The DA office, psychiatrist,, etc... Basically all they tell you is that under today's laws your hand are tied as a parent. You have to provide shelter and care for you minor child until the age of 18 so you can't throw them out. Unless the man or wife completely stays at home 24 hours a day until she is 18 and NEVER let her out of your site you might as well accept that she will do what she will do.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by joshd472 View Post
In Mississippi if the girl is not 17 and you are 24 months older than her it's considered statuary rape. I'd contact a lawyer.
exactly where my mind was headed. Make
sure 12 year old undersands the permanent repercussions of a rape charge, statutory or otherwise. Tell her if she “really loves him” she will set him free so that he avoids prison and sex offender status. Stay involved, but have mom be the one to lay down the law.

He may be a decent kid with no guidance, but that doesn’t mean he gets access to a 12 year old. 3 years isn’t a huge age gap, but given the age of the younger one is a big deal IMO.
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:26 PM
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First, lots of keyboard warriors on here are going to suggest shooting the kid, beating him up, etc. You're right in your judgement that taking action like that would cause more problems than it would solve.

I am also from the camp that believes the police can do something. I think if I were you I would talk to the actual Sheriff or police Chief and talk about options. In Indiana, where I live, I believe sexual contact between a 15 year old and a 12 year old would be considered sexual battery on a minor (aka what used to be called Statutory Rape). Suspect it is similar in TN. I think your girlfriend and her daughter (and possibly not you) need to go to the police station and fill out statements about what has happened, and what happened in the past, including sexual contact. This may need to be for woman's ears only. I would say this even if ya'll were married. I am not discrediting you as a father figure. I am sure you are a good one or you wouldn't care enough to post about this.

I know a family who had a problem with an older boy who was a local never-do-well messing with their much younger daughter. I do not know the exact circumstances, because it is really none of my business, but I know that the boy ended up in jail, and the daughter ended up growing up to be a fine young lady with an education and a good career, and is doing quite well. I hope that your daughter finds a similar fate, and that the boy ends up somewhere that prevents him from being near your daughter.
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