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15yr old boy 12yr old girl.. what to do

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15yr old boy 12yr old girl.. what to do

Old 02-11-2019, 10:27 PM
  #101  
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What I am about to post may seem insensitive. It is not, it is just an outside observer and I truly have no deep insight. Just what the OP has posted.

First question is what is the difference between you sleeping with her mother who you claim to love but see no need for formal or legal commitment, and her sleeping with a boy who claims he loves her and has probably promised her they will get married. Did it ever occur to you that she may have as many issues with you and her mother sleeping together as you have with her and her "boyfriend"?

If you truly love the woman you are tapping, but see no reason for marriage, why don't you refer to her as your wife or common-law wife? Do you think a 12 yr old is incapable of seeing through this chararade? Your actions are contradicting your words.

Why do you say you are treating her "as if" she is your own? Go ahead and legally adopt her and show her you truly regard her as your own. Perhaps this would earn you a little bit of credibility.

Now that is out of the way.... What exactly did these two do that you haven't done yourself? What would you have done at his age? Is it just the age difference you have a problem with?

Our society is a strange thing. Kids are physically maturing earlier than they ever have but we have delayed their mental maturity and responsibility. This places them in a very conflicted stage. Their bodies and hormones are raring to go, while parents and society are telling them they have to wait and put things like education, jobs, and finances first. Kids see broken marriages everywhere, friends with benefits may seem like a more logical road to them and if it is not about a long term commitment, then who cares what age they start at? Free contraceptives and abortion on demand have taken the fear of pregnancy out of the equation for most.

From a purely objective standpoint, this kid is willing to take some risks to see "his girl". That is some level of commitment. That seems to be more than you are willing to do with her mother or her, and you can bet that is how she translates it into true love.

I hope I am grossly wrong.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:13 PM
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Reading storys like this makes me petrified. I have a 7 year old daughter but get her Tuesday’s and Wendsdays. My daughter ’s mother is a feminist and posted a couple months ago something about “why should women buy the pig just to get a little sausage”. I mean crap, i’m screwed and I already know it, the best I can do is just to build up a stronger bond with her and pray she makes the right decisions.
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Old 02-11-2019, 11:13 PM
  #103  
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OP,
I truly hope this turns out the way you want it to.
After reading your comments about how there is no way you can attempt the friendly, get to know him approach. (I don't think it's always the best way to go, but might work sometime) I suggest you read Old Pete's post #53.
I am trying to picture myself in your situation when my youngest daughter was 12 and can tell you there is no way in hell this 15 year old would not learn, in no uncertain terms, just how precious my daughter is to me and her mother and that I would happily go to jail to protect her if it needed to come to that. I'm considered by most that know me to be level headed and very slow to anger but the 15 year old would quickly know that I could, and would, out crazy him in a heartbeat and sleep well every night there after. She's 12 for god's sake!

Last edited by Boat Fever; 02-12-2019 at 12:12 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-12-2019, 12:20 AM
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Sorry Op .. I reallt fell for you..
Related? Reminds me of this lil diddy.. Honestly I hope it works out for you **ALL**
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Old 02-12-2019, 05:10 AM
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Originally Posted by 1blueheron View Post
What I am about to post may seem insensitive. It is not, it is just an outside observer and I truly have no deep insight. Just what the OP has posted.

First question is what is the difference between you sleeping with her mother who you claim to love but see no need for formal or legal commitment, and her sleeping with a boy who claims he loves her and has probably promised her they will get married. Did it ever occur to you that she may have as many issues with you and her mother sleeping together as you have with her and her "boyfriend"?

If you truly love the woman you are tapping, but see no reason for marriage, why don't you refer to her as your wife or common-law wife? Do you think a 12 yr old is incapable of seeing through this chararade? Your actions are contradicting your words.

Why do you say you are treating her "as if" she is your own? Go ahead and legally adopt her and show her you truly regard her as your own. Perhaps this would earn you a little bit of credibility.

Now that is out of the way.... What exactly did these two do that you haven't done yourself? What would you have done at his age? Is it just the age difference you have a problem with?

Our society is a strange thing. Kids are physically maturing earlier than they ever have but we have delayed their mental maturity and responsibility. This places them in a very conflicted stage. Their bodies and hormones are raring to go, while parents and society are telling them they have to wait and put things like education, jobs, and finances first. Kids see broken marriages everywhere, friends with benefits may seem like a more logical road to them and if it is not about a long term commitment, then who cares what age they start at? Free contraceptives and abortion on demand have taken the fear of pregnancy out of the equation for most.

From a purely objective standpoint, this kid is willing to take some risks to see "his girl". That is some level of commitment. That seems to be more than you are willing to do with her mother or her, and you can bet that is how she translates it into true love.

I hope I am grossly wrong.
The child is 12 years old! I get what point your making but she is not old enough legally or mentally to be making these life changing decisions about her body on her own.
The 15 year old is a predator! No grey area here. He has no business playing around with this 12 year old child.

I said this in an earlier post. This is not going to end well. We read stories like this everyday in the news. This is headed to be just another story that we read.

OP needs to take this to a higher authority than the local cops he has been dealing with. They deal with the aftermath of these situations on a daily basis and obviously have become jaded.

Keyboard commandos, like myself, can give all the advice in the world but we are not living in this guys shoes. This story terrifies me and I don't even have children. I can't imagine how those that have kids and are reading this are feeling.

As mentioned many times, talking to your daughter or the predator is over at this point. She needs the protection that only the law can offer. Leave no stone unturned in your search for an authority that will listen and act.

Good luck.


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Old 02-12-2019, 06:16 AM
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Originally Posted by signmansez View Post


The child is 12 years old! I get what point your making but she is not old enough legally or mentally to be making these life changing decisions about her body on her own.
The 15 year old is a predator! No grey area here. He has no business playing around with this 12 year old child.

I said this in an earlier post. This is not going to end well. We read stories like this everyday in the news. This is headed to be just another story that we read.

OP needs to take this to a higher authority than the local cops he has been dealing with. They deal with the aftermath of these situations on a daily basis and obviously have become jaded.

Keyboard commandos, like myself, can give all the advice in the world but we are not living in this guys shoes. This story terrifies me and I don't even have children. I can't imagine how those that have kids and are reading this are feeling.

As mentioned many times, talking to your daughter or the predator is over at this point. She needs the protection that only the law can offer. Leave no stone unturned in your search for an authority that will listen and act.

Good luck.



As much as I would like to agree with you for the sake of the OP, science is unfortunately not on our side. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/sci...ists-find.html

Our legal system in many states says she can make decisions about her own body not only on her own but without parental advisement or notification. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/preventing-pregnancy-stds/parental-consent-and-notification-laws

(I am in no way endorsing the above view, just stating it as legal fact.

It is more likely that the girl, despite her age difference (3 yrs) is actually more mature than the boy mentally and might actually be the predator in this situation. Girls brains begin to mature at approx. 10yo . Physically they are often sexually mature or rapidly developing before 10. Boys however don't begin to mature mentally or physically until much later. Girls also are much more manipulative and calculated than boys at this age. Boys tend to be impulsive and illogical at this age while girls are very thoughtful. This doesn't really even out until humans are in their 20's or later. I dated a girl 3 years younger than me when I was 15 and she no doubt had the upper hand in the relationship. I was more powerful physically and i was mature for my age mentally, but in no way did a three year age difference make me a predator and her the prey. She knew how to manipulate me. Emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.

I am growing rather tired of male bashing and men always being labelled the predator. It is true that there are men who are predators, but the incidences of older women preying on younger, less mature men is likely higher than anyone lets on and culture tends to portray this as acceptable. The system is not equal in the veiw of sexual predation for girls and boys. Boys are always portrayed as the predators and girls as the victims. It is unfair and unjust. A 15 year old is just a boy. He is likely just getting hair in his armpits.

It would be interesting to see some pictures of the couple. (don't take this in a creepy kind of way). I have a feeling this 12 year old girl could easily pass as 15 or more and the 15 year old boy has likely not even started shaving. I have a 16 yr old boy. He is too interested in guitars and cars to even bother with girls. The breeding instinct has not kicked in yet for him. Unfortunately, the girls in his class and even a few classes below have targeted him and their minds are not on guitars or cars.

My advice to him has been enjoy your youth and freedom. Don;t get bogged down in the drama of relationships in highschool. Girls will be plentiful to pick from in college and by then maybe both sexes will hopefully know a little better what they really want in a sole mate when they are more mature and know themselves better.

As parents/guardians we all want ot protect our own and think the best of them, unfortunately, sometimes our own naivete shines through.

Last edited by 1blueheron; 02-12-2019 at 06:50 AM.
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:26 AM
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Originally Posted by 1blueheron View Post
As much as I would like to agree with you for the sake of the OP, science is unfortunately not on our side. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/sci...ists-find.html

It is more likely that the girl, despite her age difference (3 yrs) is actually more mature than the boy mentally and might actually be the predator in this situation. Girls brains begin to mature at approx. 10yo . Physically they are often sexually mature or rapidly developing before 10. Boys however don't begin to mature mentally or physically until much later. Girls also are much more manipulative and calculated than boys at this age. Boys tend to be impulsive and illogical at this age while girls are very thoughtful. This doesn't really even out until humans are in their 20's or later. I dated a girl 3 years younger than me when I was 15 and she no doubt had the upper hand in the relationship. I was more powerful physically and i was mature for my age mentally, but in no way did a three year age difference make me a predator and her the prey. She knew how to manipulate me. Emotionally, mentally, physically and financially.

I am growing rather tired of male bashing and men always being labelled the predator. It is true that there are men who are predators, but the incidences of older women preying on younger, less mature men is likely higher than anyone lets on and culture tends to portray this as acceptable. A 15 year old is just a boy. He is likely just getting hair in his armpits. It would be interesting to see pictures of the couple. I have a feeling this 12 year old could easily pass as 15 or more and the 15 year old boy has likely not even started shaving. I have a 16 yr old boy. He is too interested in guitars and cars to even bother with girls. The breeding instinct has not kicked in yet. Unfortunately, the girls in his class and even a few classes below have targeted him and their minds are not on guitars or cars.

My advice to him has been enjoy your youth and freedom. Girls will be plentiful to pick from in college and by then. Both sexes will hopefully know a little better what they really want in a sole mate when they are a little older.
get real the little 15yo MFer STOLE A CAR and drove it to their house at night to break into their house

even when I was 15 (if txting existed) a txt from a girl saying come over would not cause me to steal a car and drive it an hour to have to break into her house

if it was CLOSE to what you are saying she would have already snuck out of the house at a minimum and met him down by the road knowing full well there would major issues if he was caught in the house so it is best for her to get out and not set the dogs off
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by signmansez View Post


I can't imagine how those that have kids and are reading this are feeling.

As a father of a 12yo girl, I can tell you how it makes me feel......SCARED. I hope I never have to go through this. OP, I'd be making some serious changes right away. Home schooling, moving, whatever it takes. But I sense this may happen wherever you go. It seems she has disconnected from her family for whatever reason.
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Old 02-12-2019, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Insider View Post
get real the little 15yo MFer STOLE A CAR and drove it to their house at night to break into their house

even when I was 15 (if txting existed) a txt from a girl saying come over would not cause me to steal a car and drive it an hour to have to break into her house

if it was CLOSE to what you are saying she would have already snuck out of the house at a minimum and met him down by the road knowing full well there would major issues if he was caught in the house so it is best for her to get out and not set the dogs off
And you have evidence to suggest that the girl did not pre-arrange this all for them to sneek off together? Been around 12 year old girls that are "in love" much? they are way crazier than boys. The car was not stolen, it was only borrowed. he didn;t break in, he was just standing outside the house. Perhaps he was going to throw stones at her window but was foiled by the dogs? Who knows?
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:00 AM
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OP first of you lack information. In order to make good decisions you need intelligence. First, find out points of contact between the two and shut it down. Second, find out definitely what your legal options are. Beleive me the 15yo knows everything and will rat her sister out for the right enticement.
You are at a significant disadvantage without the proper intel. Think of this as a military operation. Gather as much info as you can and decide whether sanctions are in order or a nuclear strike is necessary.
Unless you do that you are pissing up a rope.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:09 AM
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You should consider marrying your girlfriend and adopting the daughters if they may as well be your own. Set a good example.
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Old 02-12-2019, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by aj06bolt12r View Post
Thanks for all of the well meaning, though out replies. As to the idiotic replies, I've been around THT long enough to know to expect that. No sweat off my back.

She does not have a computer, she only had a smart phone... but really that is a computer. The only good thing that came from that device is evidence. She wasn't quick enough to delete their communications before the phone was taken away. Plus the idiot boy keeps sending her messages on it to this day. So there is no denying anything if we do find a way to get the law involved. It's all there in black and white.

Too late to be nice to the boy. I have already made him "run for his life" 12yr olds mother already got the boys number off of girls phone. She has had text communication with the boy warning him to stay away from her daughter and the like. Careful not to threaten the boy. But as soon as he gets an answer he doesn't like he defaults to anger. He knows that the police have been notified and given all of his information. He doesn't care about that at all. Its like he knows they won't do anything to him.
"F you and F your whole family. I don't care what anyone thinks or what happens to me. I only care about the girl and we love each-other and we always will no matter what you do to tear us apart. Excetera. Says we are bad parents to the girl. We can't control who she loves. Ect. Ect.

The 12yr old was always a good kid before this. Not perfect but not out of control by any means. She does her chores and her school work. Never skips or gets in trouble in school other than talking too much. Has plenty of friends who she used to spend time with until the grounding. On the cheer team. This is totally out of character for her.

But these hormones and this attention from a boy she likes seems to have changed her. Like I said she seemed to be coming back out of her shell a little here recently and I thought we might be getting past this crap with this boy. But now with him showing up at the house again un announced to her and the recent defiant text messages I know he is not anywhere in the ball park of giving up. I believe the (can't know for sure 100%) 12yr old had no clue he was even coming this time. She was sound asleep when I caught him. He must have just seen his opportunity to grab the car keys and went for it.

Boy has had a shitty live. Foster care, overwhelmed old lady taking care of him now. I'm sure drugs and who knows what else. He says things like our 12yr old is the single only good thing in his life, nothing else matters and he will not loose her. He acts like she is the only person in the world who has ever been nice to him. He needs help in a bad kind of way or something bad is going to happen. I just hope it doesn't involve our 12yr old. All of this has been made clear to his adoptive mother. But like I said she is old and I think he is more than she can handle.
Does this adoptive mother have other foster kids living with her?
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Madhavok View Post
You should consider marrying your girlfriend and adopting the daughters if they may as well be your own. Set a good example.
That sounds good in theory. For the record, I did that and my results were similar to op’s. It’s terrible situation and looking back we still don’t know what we could have done differently. There were no signs. Perfectly normal. The one thing we can’t figure out today is how she got a flip phone provided by the bastard past my wife’s strip search! We can only imagine she had it hid where the sun don’t shine
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:23 AM
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I'm honestly not surprised at the ages 12 and 15 here. It's only very recent in human history this defies societal norms. In the 19th century this would've been the ideal age(s) to start a family. The human body hasn't changed much in that amount of time.

Hell, In the Roman times they'd probably be asked why they waited so long to get married.

Not sure what value this is. I just thought it's interesting. Sounds like you're on the right path.
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:27 AM
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I have a 11 yr old son. I have a fishing buddy with a 11 yr old daughter. They have been best friends for 8 yrs now. Countless hours together on the beach, in the pool, climbing trees, building forts etc.

Their days are numbered.

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
Tom Robbins. Still Life With Woodpecker.
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:33 AM
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My advice would be to get involved in their relationship, like really involved. Get the boy's family involved too. Have a dinner together, plan activities, make it as awkward as possible for the two of them. Talk openly about the future and how excited you are about them being together and making you grandchildren. Make sure to include a lot of awkward safe sex information and be weirdly enthusiastic, a bit more graphic and just creep them out. They have a Romeo and Juliet type thing going on right now - that will wither on the vine once all the parents get involved and make it weird. Sometimes the quickest way to make your kids hate something is to like it yourself. It suddenly becomes uncool real fast.
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by China Rider View Post
I have a 11 yr old son. I have a fishing buddy with a 11 yr old daughter. They have been best friends for 8 yrs now. Countless hours together on the beach, in the pool, climbing trees, building forts etc.

Their days are numbered.

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
Tom Robbins. Still Life With Woodpecker.
Surely he is firmly friend zoned at this point.
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Old 02-12-2019, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by autobaun70 View Post
Surely he is firmly friend zoned at this point.
Oh come on now.... Kevin and Winnie ended up banging....
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:17 AM
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Simple fact of the matter is that since you have taken a part in this family mess,you are all in danger.That 15 year old could and indeed may kill everybody in your house some night when you aren't expecting it.Harden your compound and be ready to defend yourself and your family at all times.Perimeter lighting with motion detectors and cameras.Game cameras,whatever you need.You are in a catch 22 situation where you will be in jeopardy regardless of what you may have to do to defend yourself.Restraining orders are a must.Document every incident and build a paper trail.Give the police something to act on (restraining order) when and if you have to call them.Face the reality that you are on defense.
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Old 02-12-2019, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by JCC123 View Post
OP first of you lack information. In order to make good decisions you need intelligence. First, find out points of contact between the two and shut it down. Second, find out definitely what your legal options are. Beleive me the 15yo knows everything and will rat her sister out for the right enticement.
You are at a significant disadvantage without the proper intel. Think of this as a military operation. Gather as much info as you can and decide whether sanctions are in order or a nuclear strike is necessary.
Unless you do that you are pissing up a rope.
it's past time for the nuclear option
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