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Epic gift fails for wife

Old 11-29-2018, 05:20 AM
  #41  
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I did the robot vacuum one year then followed up with a wall-mount retractable hose and some garden tools the following one. Lucky we have already had kids cause my balls were definitely at risk! She gave me socks looking to prove a point but they were quite good ones and I was running low so it didn't really have the desired effect.
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Old 11-29-2018, 05:24 AM
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Remember back when the snuggie came out? Thought one of those would be a good gift idea fk was I wrong.
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:03 AM
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The very best Christmas gift I ever saw was from another guy to his gal - new boobs!

My middle-school daughter was at a plastic surgeon's office getting a mole removed, so I was in the waiting room. This woman (30's, maybe) "bounces" from an exam room into the waiting room, pulls up her sweater (luckily she was braless), and announces how happy she is with them.

I was pretty pleased, too.
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:20 AM
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My wife grew up on a small farm.
For her birthday one year when we were newly married i got her a card that said "It's your birthday, party till the cows come home." There were partying, dancing cows on the card, I thought it was cute. Her response - "So you think I'm a cow?"...

She has never gotten an animal of any kind on another card.
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:27 AM
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Haven’t read the thread.

Self propelled Hover vac for her birthday one year.

She used it once and threw it in the trash. Think she was pissed?

Last edited by Riptied; 11-29-2018 at 09:56 AM.
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Old 11-29-2018, 06:28 AM
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I retired first, & she still had two years to go. I decided that I would go south for the winter & bought her a snow shovel, the kind with the curved handle so it would be easy on her back. Then I decided that I would wait until she retired, & we would go south for the winter as a happy married couple.
John
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Claim View Post
1989. I took "She who must be obeyed" to one of the fancy restaurants in town for dinner. I had an engagement ring in my pocket. I asked her over dinner, if you could have one thing for Christmas, what would it be .... she said "I guess I'd like a pair of salad tongs."

I pulled out the ring and said, 'You don't want this?'

She snatched the ring out of my hand as fast as a snake strike and she became The Warden.

She got her salad tongs. Now she has over 28 pair of salad tongs. Long running gag.
Epic gift. Toss her salad.

I had too. Sorry.
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:31 AM
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My wife's birthday is 12/23 so it's an expensive week for me. No combo gifts either! And don't even think about wrapping her birthday gift in Christmas paper. One year my wise ass brother gave her a birthday gift wrapped in Hanukkah paper, not good.

So one year she's a little pissed at me for something and I asked her what she wants for Christmas. We had been talking about getting her a new car so she looks me dead in the eye and says "If you want to make me happy you can put my gift in the driveway, and it better have a needle on it that goes from Zero to 150 in an instant......."
You can imagine her joyous reaction when she ran outside Christmas morning to see her new bathroom scale........
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:34 AM
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Originally Posted by captainrich View Post
My wife's birthday is 12/23 so it's an expensive week for me. No combo gifts either! And don't even think about wrapping her birthday gift in Christmas paper. One year my wise ass brother gave her a birthday gift wrapped in Hanukkah paper, not good.

So one year she's a little pissed at me for something and I asked her what she wants for Christmas. We had been talking about getting her a new car so she looks me dead in the eye and says "If you want to make me happy you can put my gift in the driveway, and it better have a needle on it that goes from Zero to 150 in an instant......."
You can imagine her joyous reaction when she ran outside Christmas morning to see her new bathroom scale........
my wifes is 12/26 i feel your pain
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:36 AM
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A cordless shaver! Thought I was being considerate since she complained about buying razors. It was expensive too and made to work in the shower. I was proud of myself. She still picks on me about it. That was one of our first Christmases while dating. Been together 20 years now.
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Old 11-29-2018, 10:16 AM
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Got her some Gorilla tape with a gift certificate that said one free Brazilian wax.
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:10 AM
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think this year i'm gonna get my wife a mistress so she's not burdened with screwin me
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:12 AM
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So one year shopping for my wife I thought I would get her some nice pajamas \ lingerie. Walked into the store and noticed there were a lot of shall I say larger women in it. Went to the lingerie area and was asked by a very nice larger woman what I was looking for.I told her and she ask, well is she about my size or bigger? I was really caught off guard because my wife is not a large woman, so I said a little smaller kinda embarrassed at that point. Needless to say I bought the first thing she showed me and got the hell out of there. Fast forward to Christmas day my wife opened the wrapping exposing the box with Lane Bryant on it and exclaims What the hell did you get me at the fat store....At that point it all came together. I never new there was such a store. Now I know!
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:16 AM
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I bought a new Fat Boy on one of her birthdays once. Yeah that went over well. I did buy it in her favorite color though.
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Riverrat12 View Post
So one year shopping for my wife I thought I would get her some nice pajamas \ lingerie. Walked into the store and noticed there were a lot of shall I say larger women in it. Went to the lingerie area and was asked by a very nice larger woman what I was looking for.I told her and she ask, well is she about my size or bigger? I was really caught off guard because my wife is not a large woman, so I said a little smaller kinda embarrassed at that point. Needless to say I bought the first thing she showed me and got the hell out of there. Fast forward to Christmas day my wife opened the wrapping exposing the box with Lane Bryant on it and exclaims What the hell did you get me at the fat store....At that point it all came together. I never new there was such a store. Now I know!
Off topic but when I lived in Richmond VA there was a mall there with either a marketing genius or maybe it was pure coincidence but the Lane Bryant was right across from the food court!
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:30 AM
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:42 AM
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Years ago I bought my wife an avocado color electric frying pan. Not exactly her idea of a Christmas present. The worst part of it all was that the damn thing would not die. Every time she used it, I had to take a ration of crap.
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Old 11-29-2018, 11:42 AM
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Buddy's wife used to get him a commemorative Christmas ornament with the year on it for the first several years of marriage and he said that it was dumb to buy him a present that was for her; "it is for us" she replied. He was never big on buying presents and she was seriously surprised to see a pretty good size box under the tree one year. Milwaukee worm drive circular saw - "for us". Last year he got an ornament. My wife wants a cc weapon this year...
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Old 11-29-2018, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by kawakx125 View Post
my wifes is 12/26 i feel your pain
I got 12/20 must have been a good month for female births.

doing good this year she wants car parts for her VW Beetle.

in the past i got her a blender one year. nope not good.
pots and pans even worse

now days I do better.

this year it is a wooden steering wheel and a new shift knob plus other trinkets.
the shifter knob has a bulldog on it which will be perfect as she loves her bulldog.
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Old 11-29-2018, 02:10 PM
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I buy the Don Juan pool service gift certificate every year for a year long service. One of these days I will have a pool but as long as she's happy......
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