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So many questions about disabled spouse!? **UPDATE

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So many questions about disabled spouse!? **UPDATE

Old 09-03-2018, 09:30 AM
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Default So many questions about disabled spouse!? **UPDATE

itís in the prayer sticky but I am in new territory.

My fiancť had a brain aneurism Thursday. Itís been a crazy sad 5 days. The odds are steep and even if she recovers it will be many many months of ever before she can return to work

we have loved together for 5 years. Some bills in her name some in mine. We have sep finances and each out money into a joint account and I pay household bills

she is on salary. How long will Her work keep her job open and keep paying her?????

can you get out of a car lease???? Even if she survives itís like a min 10-12 month of no driving and thatís after she gets out of here

we know each otherís phone and social media passwords but I donít know or have any banking passwords

(so stupid in hindsight)

how do you get a bank to talk to you ?

insurance? Man I am lost

if anyone has experience and is willing for some phone call I would be super appreciative.

I know now I canít get power of Atty with out her being awake and cognitive

thanks.


Ps. This really sux

Last edited by rocksandblues; 09-17-2018 at 06:09 AM.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:41 AM
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Sorry to hear of this.

None of the parties you mentioned will talk with you since you have no legal basis to serve as her "guardian" or whatever else you would call your relationship.

Best thing you could do ASAP is to gather up as much of her paperwork as you can, and meet with a good attorney - at YOUR expense.

Since you did not mention it, are her parents still alive? In the area? Willing to work with you? Might be messier, but that might be your only recourse. FYI, be VERY careful in suggestions from people on THT. A GREAT group of people for sure - but this is WAY beyond an area to rely upon.

Seek counsel (an attorney). Names of good attorney's in your area IS an area to call upon THT'ers to provide.

I will be praying for you, your fiance' and the information you seek.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:43 AM
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You need a close dependable friend who is clear headed. Not one bit of worry can help you.... This is a time for calm cool thinking. She needs an immediate family member or guardian to oversee her affairs. You can be the hands and feet.

Stay in prayer and ask for a cool head to see what needs doing. Write your thoughts down or record them aloud and give the 'burden" away. Become the worker not the worrier. Maybe your church can help. Maybe she has some disability benefits from work. Disability from Social Security?

Only advise not solutions.... knee mail sent. Amen
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:46 AM
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Prayers sent, seek legal counsel ASAP.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:46 AM
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If you've been together as partners and can demonstrate it to a judge, you actually do have a chance at guardianship. It will very likely require an attorney but if you have a paper trail showing how you and she shared your lives, your chance of success is pretty good.

Guardianship is harder to attain but more powerful than POA and at a time like this you would have the power to make her real life decisions.

God Speed.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:47 AM
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First, sorry that you are going through this.

Second, I assume you are in the hospital now, so tell the nurse or doctor that you need to talk to the social worker/care coordinator/case manager. He or she, will know the direction to point you as they have to deal with such things fairly commonly. They can help with the legal transition that needs to occur. Since you are not married you will likely need to have involvement from her next of kin.

In regards to her job, call her office and ask about their extended leave policy and FMLA policy (it depends on the size of the business etc). There is some paperwork involved that you will have to fill out on her behalf.

Last edited by mwgoldman; 09-03-2018 at 09:52 AM.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:47 AM
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Hang in there and give yourself another week or so before you stress out about this stuff too much. Her financial situation isn't going to fall apart in a week.

If she's a salaried employee at a decent sized company, there's a fair chance her employer has some sort of disability insurance. Talk to their HR department on Tues (they are probably the one place worth speaking to sooner rather than later, if they haven't been notified about what happened) and see what her work situation and any benefits will look like.

You're going to be in a difficult situation as "fiancee" and not legally married. Getting PoA is probably the right path forward but that could take a bit. In the meantime it'd probably be her parents (?) that could help get access to any of the things you need to straighten out, you may have to be the levelheaded one there so work through them to sort out the urgent things first.

But while it is an easy distraction, don't freak out about the practical stuff. You've got plenty of time to deal with that. More important right now is to make yourself a useful fixture in the hospital and pay attention to doctors and nurses. Recovery is a long road but it can go better than you expect.

Last edited by Flot; 09-03-2018 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 09-03-2018, 09:52 AM
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Quote from Bottom Scratcher

"Sorry to hear of this.

None of the parties you mentioned will talk with you since you have no legal basis to serve as her "guardian" or whatever else you would call your relationship.

Best thing you could do ASAP is to gather up as much of her paperwork as you can, and meet with a good attorney - at YOUR expense.

Since you did not mention it, are her parents still alive? In the area? Willing to work with you? Might be messier, but that might be your only recourse. FYI, be VERY careful in suggestions from people on THT. A GREAT group of people for sure - but this is WAY beyond an area to rely upon.

Seek counsel (an attorney). Names of good attorney's in your area IS an area to call upon THT'ers to provide.

I will be praying for you, your fiance' and the information you seek."

This sounds like good advice to me. I just went through my step Mom's passing and she left her small condo to my Wife and I. She had been with my Dad for 25 years. What a mess. Thank God her out of state relatives all liked us and helped us out. I will also pray for you two.

Last edited by CONCHY CRACKER; 09-03-2018 at 09:58 AM.
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:00 AM
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Take a deep breath.

Take care of yourself, and then your fiancee.

The other stuff will all work out in time. You can't do it all at once.

Get with hospital case manager they will help you.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:05 AM
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I ain't doin it.........

My heart goes out to you both...as stated a attorney specific to these situations...estate etc.
positivity sent!!!!
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:20 AM
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You cannot get POA from an incapacitated person. You have to get guardianship. A hospital person or social worker is NOT the person you should listen to. Seek an attorney.

If there's not a close family member to step in or you can't succeed, ask the court to appoint a guardian. Not ideal, but at least you can have input as to the future.
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:21 AM
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R&B, prayers for your loved one & you.

So sorry to hear your loved one and you are having to go through this.

I lost my only brother at 52 to those F-ing things.

My heart goes out to you, her and her family.

Wish I had a miracle in a bottle for her & you but sadly I don’t.

I’m not a holy roller but do believe in God and ask of you to at least try to bring God into her heart and ask for forgiveness if she hasn’t as of yet.

May God bless her and heal her sicknesses through whatever means he deems fit.
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:25 AM
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Man Iím sorry to hear this. I gave you my number some time ago. Let me know if can help out in any way. I agree with what the others said. Attorney up. Will keep you both in my thoughts. Chris
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:26 AM
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Since I know nothing about what to do I'll keep my mouth shut and wish you the best in what you're dealing with.....
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Old 09-03-2018, 10:41 AM
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Legally there are limits on what you can do for her. Do whatever it is you can do, including connecting with any and all of her relatives and help them to help her.
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Old 09-03-2018, 11:50 AM
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1) How long will Her work keep her job open and keep paying her?????

This depends on the company and what she chose for benefits. Many companies have sort term disability at one rate, and then it converts to long term disability after that. The percentage of salary and the length of coverage depend on the company and her elections were voluntary. The HR folks would know, but depending on the company, they may or may not deal directly with you until the legal part is straightened out.

2) Can you get out of a car lease?

Yes. I've seen lease companies terminate leases for people who have been deployed and other legit reasons.

3) How do you get a bank to talk to you ?

Because of IT/RF rules, they most likely will want the legal stuff straightened out before they talk to you.

4) Insurance?
That can wait until later.



Talk to HR and call a reputable law firm for advice, not one that advertises on billboards and local TV/radio ads.

The most important thing is keeping the most important thing as the most important thing. Everything else is secondary.
You guys are in my thought and prayers.
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Old 09-03-2018, 12:19 PM
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Good luck to you both... Sucky situation for you both. You are a good man..
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Old 09-03-2018, 01:13 PM
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Just insane that this is happening.

What i I learned today :
yep no POA while unconscious
guardian takes lawyers and like 4 weeks
yes mercedes will let her out of lease with proper paperwork

Her protege has already been offered her job although she has 6 weeks short term disability leave No way she will be back so she will lose her job at some point.

I am going through her desk now looking for her personal bills, cc, check books, bank statements


her 24 year old daughter is next of kin and is tasked with all the ďconsent ď issues.

We we are all on same side

really struggling
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Old 09-03-2018, 01:19 PM
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Sorry to hear that, no advice to give but hang in there!
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Old 09-03-2018, 01:24 PM
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Made some calls for alternate advice for you both.
stay positive and grounded....wish there was more I could do at this moment.
Positive thoughts!!

Great pic!!!
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