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Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end..

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Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end..

Old 06-28-2018, 03:13 PM
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Default Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end..

I know it's a fishing forum but I am at whit's end trying to understand what my daughter is experiencing. She's a beautiful 17 y.o., very intelligent, friendly but always has been reserved and quiet. For the past three years she has had sporadic panic attacks during some stress-full school-related times but they seemed to go away fairly quickly and they were triggered by some identifiable issues. Recently she has left 2 summer jobs after suffering what I would call full blown panic attacks (crying, scratching, skin rashes, repeatedly bumping into walls) when faced with going to her part time job. She has been to counseling for a year and most recently been to a psychiatrist who put her on some meds which we all hoped would help but tonight we had another melt down and she could not go to work. I am at a complete loss - I want my kids to be happy, she's a year away from going to college and it seems she will not be able to handle it. SHe is depressed and sad and I don't know what to do, I just have never had to deal with something like this and am ill equipped to help her. Has anyone been through this???
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:16 PM
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All I can offer is prayer for her and you.
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:31 PM
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.

Christ yes I feel for you. She started at 16. Drugs didn’t end up helping, bipolar, lost what should have been her most fun years. It went deep significant time in treatment facilities, good expensive ones. They helped a little with coping skills she was paralyzed with anxiety at certain points. 4 years or so in she started to use some coping skills, thank you Austen Riggs, then She discovered diet and excercise along with recognizing when she need to pull back.

Focus on the smallest accomplishments baby steps

Now she is a field guide for wilderness therapy group in Utah after graduating college.

You have to give them all the support you can as long as it helps development.

bless you and good luck.

.
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:42 PM
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Thank you both.
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:55 PM
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I am no expert and I know there are many many causes for panic attacks. But I am the father of an anxious 16 yo son. It doesn’t sound like to the same degree as your daughter, but he couldn’t handle scooping ice cream as a summer job last year. He was bad.

Getting him him away from the phone and electronics seems to help him. It’s not the end all be all, but it seems to allow him to come alive. I also have been working out with him, which seems to take the edge off him. He now goes to the gym by himself daily. That got him out of a funk enough to apply for a lifeguard job at a water park. He crushed the test, and is up to 3 saves this year. Overall he has some swagger and seems happier. Not that he doesn’t still have his moments, but he is a lot better. His anxiety is to the point he can go out with friends without the breakdown and bailing at the last minute. It wasn’t one thing but a bunch of little things building over time.

I know now a lot of this can be chemical too, which none of this would help (except maybe the excercise a little). Just my experience and hope it helps.
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Old 06-28-2018, 03:58 PM
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Not a child, but close family member.

It took me a long time to even start to understand what they are going through because it is the opposite of how I function.

I’m sorry I have no advice, but I will be praying for you, it can be a lot for family to handle.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by mymojo View Post
Thank you both.
By the way she is now 29. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you get to put in a lot of hard work along with her.

.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:09 PM
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I got nothing, other than it's time for her to spend lots of time hanging with responsible, reliable and competent functioning adults.
See some good examples of people who thrive, rather than retreat or medicate endlessly.

Could be found through your friends, possibly family, Maybe the church, Maybe civic organizations,or volunteer work with good people.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:09 PM
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Have her sign up for a gym membership, as that’s a great way for her to relieve stress and build confidence, as well as grow and maintain a positive body image. This seems to be really big now, but getting someone to love themself for being who they are, seems like the best way to break someone out of a depression... go to the gym with her, have a sibling or a friend go with her, etc.. compliment her, tell her you’ve seen improvements in her figure. (“you look more toned up sweetheart”)

im not a doctor by any means but I have helped friends from depression before. It all starts with them being happy with themselves first.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:12 PM
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My late little brother, who died unexpectedly of a heart attack at 48 years young, suffered from this for the last 30 years of his life, though he didn't open up about it until he was in his 30's. I didn't realize how much he struggled with it. For years I always wondered why he'd resist doing things like going out to dinner, and when we did go out, he acted like a porcupine in a balloon factory.. He finally went to a physician that got him on the right drug therapy which literally changed his life, albeit sadly too late. It seems diagnosis, and more so, treatment can be complex and almost exploratory. In my brothers case, it was well out of the scope of traditional therapy, as it was certainly caused by some form of "chemical imbalance" that was ultimately helped/corrected by the proper medication.

You have quite a bit to explore/research I imagine, and the answer is out there in some way, shape or form.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:15 PM
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You might ask your GP for a referral to a different psychiatrist. Current one might be treating for the wrong diagnosis. Or it could be that the meds need to be adjusted until you find the right combo to help her.

My kid has some significant developmental disabilities overlaid with anxiety problems, but has been doing as well as we can hope with managed meds and the watchful eyes of Mom & Dad. There's another family member, older, (not going to be more specific in a searchable forum- sorry) who has issues which sound similar to what you describe. Finding the right meds has been a years-long process, and there are setbacks like when the insurance company decides to substitute a "similar" script.

Mental illness sucks, and there's a pretty heavy stigma attached to it. An ex girlfriend of mine is doing the best she can with it, but it's basically ended any hope of what we THTers like to think of as a 'normal' life. I think she would be better off today (in her 50's) if there had been more family support, although I'm personally really glad to have dodged that bullet. Be supportive and be ready for a long fight with a lot of shitty days mixed in. Good luck.

Another point: if her issues are so debilitating that you may be looking into long-term care, consult a special needs attorney NOW. The laws are different in Mass, but here in LA we have something called a Continuing Tutorship, which extends your legal parental authority (full or partial, depending on the situation) after the child with a disability turns 18. It's handy for setting up trusts and managing funds, especially if they need public assistance. The paperwork MUST be complete and registered with the state before the child turns 18. It can be set up as a revocable document, and there are versions of this which can be entered into like a contract after legal adulthood is reached, but it's a hell of a lot harder to do. [I'm not an attorney, but the Admiral is, and this is her specialty.] Some real shitshows could have been avoided if the parent still had parental authority when things got really bad for the adult child.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:40 PM
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Thank you all for the support via this thread and pm's. It is gratifying to know there are others that have dealt and are dealing with type of issue. From my point of view she has it all, good look, smart, kind generous never wanted for anything and my personality is very different from hers so I have trouble understanding what the problem could possibly be. My friend is the psychiatrist that saw her when my wife and I where struggling with this last weekend - he saw her as a friend of mine and at a moment's notice so he is not the long-term answer for her but helped in a pinch. We will be seeking more help this week. Like I said earlier I just want my kids to be happy and it kills me to see this without being able to come up with an answer quickly. I think the worst and hope for the best. We'll get through this and thank everyone once again - your support and advice and prayers do mean a lot.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by mymojo View Post
I know it's a fishing forum but I am at whit's end trying to understand what my daughter is experiencing. She's a beautiful 17 y.o., very intelligent, friendly but always has been reserved and quiet. For the past three years she has had sporadic panic attacks during some stress-full school-related times but they seemed to go away fairly quickly and they were triggered by some identifiable issues. Recently she has left 2 summer jobs after suffering what I would call full blown panic attacks (crying, scratching, skin rashes, repeatedly bumping into walls) when faced with going to her part time job. She has been to counseling for a year and most recently been to a psychiatrist who put her on some meds which we all hoped would help but tonight we had another melt down and she could not go to work. I am at a complete loss - I want my kids to be happy, she's a year away from going to college and it seems she will not be able to handle it. SHe is depressed and sad and I don't know what to do, I just have never had to deal with something like this and am ill equipped to help her. Has anyone been through this???
I'm a clinical psychologist, and have been working in the mental health field since 1990. I understand your concern for your daughter and your wish to make life good for her.

People do not realize how debilitating anxiety can be. We have all experienced situational anxiety (e.g., getting nervous before giving a speech), but for people with severe anxiety and/or panic, it can occur out of nowhere.

Anxiety is treatable. The best advice vice I can give is to take her for a thorough psychological evaluation (to help clarify her diagnosis, if this has not already been done), then find both the most experienced psychiatrist and most experienced psychologist in your area to treat her. It may take some time and patience to find the most effective medication regimen. Later, finding her a support group (maybe online initially) would help her see she's not alone.

Feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.
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Old 06-28-2018, 05:05 PM
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My fiancé has a good bit of anxiety...I’m about to buy her a cbd vape pen. May be a thought. She’s not bad, but has had a panic or two and has bad ocd issues, but not bad enough where it is out of control, IMO. More of an annoyance.
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Old 06-28-2018, 05:17 PM
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X2 on CBD oil. Can't hurt to try it right. It helps me.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:13 PM
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My daughter started with these mental issues when she was in high school. Been battling anxiety and depression for years. She is 39 now and an alcoholic on top of things. Just put her through 6 weeks of detox and rehab.. I have had people to say I have to let her go, I have to let her hit rock bottom, but I can't do that. I will not enable her but I will do everything in my power to help her for the sake of our 13 year old granddaughter. Man, I feel your pain and wish there was some easy solution.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:18 PM
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No answers but best wishes to all that shared thier story in this thread.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:28 PM
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My oldest son (22) had a collection of problems that lead me to kicking him out on the street. He spent time with friends, then my mother (500 miles away), then my father (local) which is where I thought he'd ended up from the start. (FWIW: EVERYONE in our extended family agreed it was the only way to get through to him).

Anyway, due to the forced change put on him he finally agreed to spend time in counseling and was eventually diagnosed with a form of Autism/Aspergers. While it sucks to think your "perfect" kid has an issue, it's really helped as we learn more about it and how to deal with how HE thinks. He's moved back in my house, attending a "computer specific" college and regularly seeing a counselor without being forced to go. You've got a long road ahead and I wish you the best. Stick to professionals and be willing to see different ones as they really specialize in many different areas of expertise. We were fortunate that the first 2 he went to see eventually directed us into other counselors better suited for his needs.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:45 PM
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Hang in there man. I have pretty severe anxiety and it can be very tough on everyone. Going out to eat, movies, new places are some of my triggers, just to name a few.
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Old 06-28-2018, 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by schoolsout1 View Post
My fiancé has a good bit of anxiety...I’m about to buy her a cbd vape pen. May be a thought. She’s not bad, but has had a panic or two and has bad ocd issues, but not bad enough where it is out of control, IMO. More of an annoyance.
Not to be d**k or derail the thread, but a fiancé with panic and OCD issues is trouble for you down the road, especially if you have kids. It's progressive and only gets worse. The negative effects are unimageable and I'd be happy to share my experiences over a phone call. So, to tie this into the OP's thread, my one daughter suffers from anxiety due to my wife's severe OCD. As a manner of fact, at 5:00 am this morning a terrible thunder storm came through and the panic attacks came alive. She woke all up screaming and crying hysterically. Hard for me to understand as I don't have a lot of patience!

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