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-   -   Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end.. (https://www.thehulltruth.com/dockside-chat/942257-anyone-have-child-debilitating-anxiety-whits-end.html)

mymojo 06-29-2019 11:48 AM

Virtually a year to the day....
 
Well, I looked up this old post because my daughter has just had another episode and I was shocked to see the date of this old thread is 1 year old as of yesterday. We've been through a year of counseling and medication and we thought things had improved greatly with my daughter's anxiety issues. Well today there was a huge setback. The trigger once again is a summer job. TOday would have been her second day at a catering job that does weddings and special events. It's run by a family friend and my daughter's own friends work with her. We thought it would be ideal and yet she just had a complete melt down and is unable to explain her anxiety and fear. The hives, scratching, shaking, and bobbing back and forth are all real and for the life of us neither my wife nor I can make sense of it. My wife is driving her to the event in the hopes she will be able to perform as the event needs her and finding a replacement at this late hour is not in the cards. So I wait here to see if she'll come back alone or with my daughter in the passenger seat. Once again I am whit's end.

Sprockets 06-29-2019 12:14 PM

No words of wisdom here, but I feel for you. Anyone who has a child with an "issue" no matter what it is, knows what you are going through. My daughter had an issue when she was younger. I feel your pain. Sorry I don't have anything that can help.

js118 06-29-2019 01:09 PM

Dealing with the similar issues with my 17yo stepdaughter. My wife has had to sleep with her on many occasions over the last few months. Counseling mild meds CBD exercise has not helped. We are at a loss right now too.

yakmatt 06-29-2019 01:10 PM

Sorry to hear about your daughters issues.

Some stupid layman ideas.

Maybe get her a dog. It would be her's to own and care for. I've read where caring for someone else can shift ones focus. Of course it could backfire and she'd be obsessed and stressed out every time the dog was late taking a dump.

The other thing would be outward bound type experience and spending a lot of time in nature. Every time I go camping it seems to reset and quiet my mind.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/release...0404074915.htm
https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-liv...ss-and-anxiety

mymojo 06-29-2019 01:34 PM

After last year's episode she went on a week long camping trip with friends. I am sure it helped. AS it turns out my wife and daughter leave for a week's vacation in Utah tomorrow morning. I will stay home and mind the fort i.e. work. SO maybe that vacation will help a bit. My wife came back about 1/2 hour ago without my daughter so that's a start - the hope is she'll stick out her shift - hoping the phone will not ring to come pick her up..... Re-reading all the posts here now as there was some good advice I will need to get back up to speed on.

LI Sound Grunt 06-29-2019 01:56 PM

I am a substitute teacher in high school and can tell you that you are not alone. The special warnings and instruction for about half of girls include the anxiety/depression label. Being there with her and reassurance that it will pass and that she will be OK is important. It is no cure but it will help her get through it. It was a lifelong issue for me personally and I learned to live with the feeling at about the time in later life when I retired and all my kids were secure with their jobs homes and families. During an episode the only thing that shortened them was a simple 2mg. Valium and 50 mg Atenolol (sp?) (a beta blocker). The more advanced drugs specifically made for anxiety and depression either never worked or made me worse.

Hope she gets well soon!

sullivan504 06-29-2019 02:02 PM


Originally Posted by mymojo (Post 12675142)
...for the life of us neither my wife nor I can make sense of it. ...


Making sense of it is not your job and trying will only lead to guilt & blaming yourselves. Even your daughter, going through this experience more directly than anyone else in the world, probably can't make much sense of it. You're doing your job by being her support system.

This is a long journey, and at times a truly miserable one. Best wishes for a clear path.




loverofshells 06-29-2019 02:55 PM


Originally Posted by mymojo (Post 12675142)
Well, I looked up this old post because my daughter has just had another episode and I was shocked to see the date of this old thread is 1 year old as of yesterday. We've been through a year of counseling and medication and we thought things had improved greatly with my daughter's anxiety issues. Well today there was a huge setback. The trigger once again is a summer job. TOday would have been her second day at a catering job that does weddings and special events. It's run by a family friend and my daughter's own friends work with her. We thought it would be ideal and yet she just had a complete melt down and is unable to explain her anxiety and fear. The hives, scratching, shaking, and bobbing back and forth are all real and for the life of us neither my wife nor I can make sense of it. My wife is driving her to the event in the hopes she will be able to perform as the event needs her and finding a replacement at this late hour is not in the cards. So I wait here to see if she'll come back alone or with my daughter in the passenger seat. Once again I am whit's end.


I have nothing but compassion & empathy for your daughter & your family

I'll try to be brief & add more down the line

If there was ever a thread worthy of resurrecting it is your original post as this is a lifelong battle that few can appreciate & it can rear it's ugly head over time - never really gone - ever

To keep it simple for my first comment - her working with friends & a family friend running the show - sounds good on the surface - however - catering an event is one of the most pressure cooked scenarios an anxiety sufferer can get involved in regardless of the people she is surrounded by - does not matter that she is doing a great job or not - just spells out F me to one with anxiety issues

It is such a silent affliction that few can understand - one can look hale & hearty & nobody understands what the problem is - I'll add more later but my read on the situation thus far

There is not a simple fix with a one shot solution whether it be behavioral/medications/therapy/religion & so on approach but rather a sequential tailored attempt to deal with it based on the individual

Hang in there & I'll be back

Regards

mymojo 06-29-2019 03:20 PM

thanks loverofshells. I never thought much about the pressure of a catering job. As you mention on the surface surrounded by friends seemed like a good path but as it turns out one of the things she kept saying was she did not want her friends to see her 'like this' . I can see this as an issue but the flip side is if she gives up this job I know she will beat herself up about leaving another summer job - the 4th in a year. The other jobs she was surrounded by strangers so walking away was less of an issue - this one would be a little different. SHe told my wife she did not want to 'disappoint us' and we've done our best to convey the fact that she could never do that. She's been at the job today for about 2 1/2 hours now with no phone calls to us so I am hoping she is holding it together....

loverofshells 06-29-2019 03:41 PM

I hope it goes well for her & could be a stepping stone - you never know

Saltydawg15 06-29-2019 03:43 PM

Prayers to you and your family as a father of 3 girls and having suffered from mild anxiety most of my life I pray none of them have it.

spraynet 1 06-29-2019 08:43 PM

First off, my prayers go out to you and your bride, and I can tell your a wonderfully involved and caring parent which is half the battle. Please do not overlook counseling for you and your bride, that is as important as counseling for your daughter.
I will include all three of you in our prayer group. There's some great advice given here so don't give up, but please get some help for yourself as well.

willie g 06-29-2019 08:55 PM

Probably wouldnĺt send her off to college, keep her close so you can keep an eye on her. We had a friend that had major issues with their daughter while she was away at school. Evidently the school psychiatrist is the busiest person on campus

Tiretyme 06-29-2019 10:00 PM

PM sent

Rapi 06-29-2019 11:03 PM

This was an excellent thread a year ago and it's still excellent. Thanks to all who contributed.

I had debilitating anxiety only once. As Mr.Wesson said, I woke up one morning and it felt like the invisible man was sitting on my chest. All the advice the docs gave sucked and so did their medicine. I cured myself with two bottles of wine one night.

One more thing. I have a chick friend who started having anxiety attacks in high school. She had one or two attacks per week, every week. She self-medicated with wine, weed, and valium. The substances helped her that day but a few days later, another attack. This is how she lived her life, week in and week out.

Her panic attacks literally stopped overnight about six months ago. How/why? She got pregnant. The panic attacks stopped. She quit drinking and smoking weed. No more valium. I think there is a valuable lesson in here for psyche docs, but i really don't know what, lol!

Fyi, docs don't prescribe xanax very often (at all?) for anxiety anymore. The newest new is clonazepam. It works similar to xanax, but less addictive. I have taken these pills a few times. They are okay but i prefer red wine. Counseling and church work much better for me, honestly.

==>Rapi

NC_Native 06-30-2019 04:40 AM

Mymojo, how did it turn out for your daughter yesterday? I hope she made it through the entire gig and is feeling better about it.

crabbinmike 06-30-2019 04:53 AM

I have had anxiety since my early 20s I am 54 now I would not wish this horrible affliction on anyone If you have never had a panic attack no way in hell you can understand it. What helped me the most was finding the right person to talk to and learning to say to myself wtf Breathing the right way can most times pull me out of it. That is if I catch it in time I truly feel for your daughter and you aand your wife Please be patient and support her as frustrating as it can be its not her fault. Have her talk to a professional if by the second meeting she doesn't feel a connection move to the next one Feel free to pm me if you think I can be of more help.

mymojo 06-30-2019 05:10 AM


Originally Posted by NC_Native (Post 12676452)
Mymojo, how did it turn out for your daughter yesterday? I hope she made it through the entire gig and is feeling better about it.

Thanks again everyone. I stayed up till midnight waiting for the phone call to come and pick up my daughter, but it did not come thankfully. She made it through the entire 9 hour wedding and clean-up. SHe looked exhausted when she got home but she made it through. I just drove her and my wife up to Logan airport in Boston for their trip to Utah for a little vacation. We talked a little on the way but she did not want to dwell on it too much. She said she made it through the evening w/o further episodes so that has me feeling a little better. It may be na´ve to think that having made it over this hurdle the next job won't have a similar lead up...I don't know, I do know I am grateful she was able to pull it together enough to carry out her commitment. I know I am a little exhausted by yesterday and fearful about fall and college which is about 2 hours from our house. We will be working on getting her some additional help when she gets back from vacation. Time for a nap!

gofastsandman 06-30-2019 07:51 AM


Originally Posted by mymojo (Post 12676509)
Thanks again everyone. I stayed up till midnight waiting for the phone call to come and pick up my daughter, but it did not come thankfully. She made it through the entire 9 hour wedding and clean-up. SHe looked exhausted when she got home but she made it through. I just drove her and my wife up to Logan airport in Boston for their trip to Utah for a little vacation. We talked a little on the way but she did not want to dwell on it too much. She said she made it through the evening w/o further episodes so that has me feeling a little better. It may be na´ve to think that having made it over this hurdle the next job won't have a similar lead up...I don't know, I do know I am grateful she was able to pull it together enough to carry out her commitment. I know I am a little exhausted by yesterday and fearful about fall and college which is about 2 hours from our house. We will be working on getting her some additional help when she gets back from vacation. Time for a nap!

Restaurant work can teach many valuable life skills. This might be an awakening experience for her.
At its best, it is barely controlled chaos. There is satisfaction in winning and slaying dragons.
She may learn she has the goods she never knew she had. She will learn speed, organization, and execution.
She will gain confidence and self worth. Always be doing three things at all times. Relax, look around, plan, and slay the dragons.


*

HTJ 06-30-2019 08:05 AM

OP maybe is worth a try or maybe is BS but diet can be very critical and the evil doer is gluten - intolerance manifests itself primarily as anxiety and then the health effects show up.

We have an entire society of over stimulated, poorly nourushed and under exercised kids and adults. We are truly just another animal and the polar shift in our habits over the last 40ish years has not been for the good, or nearly long enough for any adaptation to occur.


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