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Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end..

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Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end..

Old 06-29-2018, 03:19 PM
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My son had personality and mood issues around 14. He would sit in his room and brood and get dark, sullen and angry while banging away on his computer. My 8 brothers and sisters never had this luxury and all had jobs at very young ages. I took the computer out of his room and made him come to work with me every day. Assigned him to my fabrication department where the guys were hard working and no BS. It took a couple of weeks which he hated but once he got good at using equipment and welding it changed. He still gets broody and dark occasionally now at 32 but his wife has nicknamed him "Jackie" when he starts and it quickly goes away. I don't understand it and I don't believe coddling is a solution. At least in our case it was tough love and hard work (and getting him off all the psycho drugs the ex wife was feeding him) that helped my son move forward.
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Old 06-29-2018, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by TheBigWhit View Post
My son had personality and mood issues around 14. He would sit in his room and brood and get dark, sullen and angry while banging away on his computer. My 8 brothers and sisters never had this luxury and all had jobs at very young ages. I took the computer out of his room and made him come to work with me every day. Assigned him to my fabrication department where the guys were hard working and no BS. It took a couple of weeks which he hated but once he got good at using equipment and welding it changed. He still gets broody and dark occasionally now at 32 but his wife has nicknamed him "Jackie" when he starts and it quickly goes away. I don't understand it and I don't believe coddling is a solution. At least in our case it was tough love and hard work (and getting him off all the psycho drugs the ex wife was feeding him) that helped my son move forward.
What you are loosely describing is depression, which is a totally different animal than anxiety.
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Old 06-29-2018, 04:00 PM
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Regardless of opinions and my own disbelief, I have seen hypnotherapy work for anxiety. There are also animal therapy regimens to consider.
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Old 06-29-2018, 06:03 PM
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Each kid is different. I used to think a lot of these sorts of things were just a matter of people giving in to what we all have in the way of moods and stress, like you "let it" get to you. But after 20+ years of working with people at their worst, I know some folks brains just work different. Get her a counselor who subscribes to behavior modification and a GOOD psychiatrist who will work with the counselor. She can become completely "normal" and learn to live a good full life, love her, stay with her, and know she has an issue that is real. It's like me, I'm colorblind, no matter what you do I'm not going to see certain shades, my eyes and brain just don't work that way. Her "illness" is just as real and can be overcome. You are doing a great job, hang in there.
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Old 06-29-2018, 06:37 PM
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Just the anticipation of a panic attack will bring on an attack. It's a domino effect. She's afraid of having an attack and it will bring it on. She needs help, but you already knew that. Finding the right help, someone she trusts can take time. Please, do not make it about you, she can't help what she does. If it all seems irrational, it is. In her mind there is no rhyme or reason for what she is going through, but something has triggered it and finding it is the key. Her fears are as real as a gun to the forehead even though to the outside world, it doesn't seem so. Some meds will help, finding the right one takes time. Please be patient with her, supportive, not coddling. I'm no expert, just a lot of experience as an 18 yr old.
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Old 06-29-2018, 07:20 PM
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Originally Posted by dr_bw View Post
There are also animal therapy regimens to consider.
But probably not a pit bull.
She has enough to worry about already.
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Old 06-30-2018, 12:44 AM
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You need to seek out a professional.
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Old 06-30-2018, 05:15 AM
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I feel for you and wish you luck. Sounds like you are doing all the right things.

About three months ago, we where upended by a diagnosis of pretty serious depression for our 13 year old son. Textbook case, with every lousy symptom you see. Started meds, and about 6 weeks ago he agreed to participate in regular counseling.

I have never felt so helpless, as a parent. I can only say your not alone in how frustrating it feels to just watch.
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Old 06-30-2018, 07:14 AM
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I'm not one to advise against professional help, but even with care, the basics need to be in place.

Think about what gets you out of bed in the mornings, the self-esteem that says you deserve a rewarding life, the self-confidence gained from prior success that says you can achieve goals and the desire to achieve.

These things start with the smallest of accomplishments and build from there, don't expect to change the world in a day.
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Old 06-30-2018, 07:33 AM
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I went through this when I was younger.. started out very early on and throughout high school, college and early adult years.. I was so bad in college that I would skip classes all together and just go on test days.. After college I couldn't work, was very very anxious and had panic attacks very easily. When I got married, we even missed our flight for our honeymoon because i had so many panic attacks sitting at the airport that I wouldn't get on the airplane.. I read a book called "Panic Away" about 5 years ago and finally started to learn how to cope with this.. I still get anxiety every once in a while but its no where near as bad as it was and I'm able to go out and function half way normal, I've tied medication when I was younger and it always seemed to make the anxiety worst so I wouldn't stay on it very long..My now 8 year old son has been having the same thing since he was about 2 years old and I really feel for him and what he's going through.. About 1 year ago we finally took him to a psychiatrist and he was put on medication.. The difference is night and day. GOOD LUCK
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Old 06-30-2018, 07:43 AM
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I am not a professional but I do know people who have gone through this; I would suggest you get some referrals to a different psychiatrist who will include the family in the treatment and suggest activities that are just below her threshold of anxiety and slowly work her way up. Not a fan of trying to drug away her problem unless it's the very last resort. You probably do not want to hear this but now is not the time for her to go off to college. I would suggest a local school where she can live at home as she overcomes this problem. Hope you're able to get a successful outcome.
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Old 06-30-2018, 08:12 AM
  #52  
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I have 2 brothers with crippling anxiety. They can't hold a job. I have anxiety to some extent but not to that level. I just end up projectile vomiting when I have an anxiety attack, like stan from southpark, lol. Physiologist can be evil people. Note the comment from one. I wouldn't go that route unless its a last resort. They have committed my younger brother several times and it makes things way worse. Don't just dope her up, try to solve the problem first. I been helping my friends daughter through anxiety problems as her family tends to not understand how bad it can be. I just tell her to talk to me and not judge her, or express any judgement
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Old 06-30-2018, 08:39 AM
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I feel for you. Not much to add or say that has not been said. I will say the current education system in this country is to blame as far as I'm concerned. Kids these days face enormous pressure to pass test and the like. If any of them fail, all their,peers know instantly and they feel ashamed. SOL's should be outlawed. You will notice it almost always starts as the kids get closer to graduating high school. You can take a kid that has has been seemingly a well adjusted, avg on every level, and by the time they get to their final years they have so much worry built up inside them about passing a test they cant sleep, their stomach stays knotted up, they become reclusive and a host of other things. It is a damn shame

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Old 06-30-2018, 09:08 AM
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Had my first panic attack @ 6 or 7 and had no idea what was happening(nor did my parents). Feels like someone is sitting on your chest.

33, well adjusted and anxiety free(not naturally). PM me with any questions you might have and if it helps calm you down my anxiety comes and goes every 3 or so years and sticks around for about a year. It's a real medical problem that can eat you up and produce real world symptoms(I once gave myself a fever for 2 weeks). The brain is powerful.


She needs to try anxiety/depression meds(no band aid klonipin/xanax BS) until she finds the right one. The good thing is if like me she doesn't have depression she can get by on a very low dosage. I really like Lexapro for Anxiety and it works well for younger people.
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Old 06-30-2018, 04:48 PM
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To clarify, because it seems to be being lumped in together here. There is a difference in 'just doping someone up' and using a low to mid level of a non intense anti anxiety medication as a band aid to work on the actual healing. Shouldn't be medicated to numbness, except arguably an as needed med for during an actual attack. Therapeutic meds are like stitches to a wound. You can try to let the wound close without them, but it will be a much longer harder road. The right meds allow you to get into a mental state where you are capable of dealing with anxiety and working on getting better. If there is too much noise upstairs, you can't work on getting better.
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Old 06-30-2018, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by TorFed View Post
To clarify, because it seems to be being lumped in together here. There is a difference in 'just doping someone up' and using a low to mid level of a non intense anti anxiety medication as a band aid to work on the actual healing. Shouldn't be medicated to numbness, except arguably an as needed med for during an actual attack. Therapeutic meds are like stitches to a wound. You can try to let the wound close without them, but it will be a much longer harder road. The right meds allow you to get into a mental state where you are capable of dealing with anxiety and working on getting better. If there is too much noise upstairs, you can't work on getting better.
agreed. That comment just makes me think someone doesn't understand the spectrum of possibilities with anxiety.
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Old 06-30-2018, 09:25 PM
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Some much good information from doctors and people going/been through similar situations. THT has such a broad breadth of knowledge and so many generous people willing to share.

Prayers for your daughter and yourself/family. As the father of a little girl, I know I would rip my own eyes out to help her.

My only advice is find calmness and decompression from the craziness of this world. Between the news, social forces and the stresses of careers, school, finding a mate........... being still is something we don't do anymore. I am far from being a teenager but life and others can literally be crushing. I have seen it with small things like watching too much news.

I have found that I daydream of a cabin in the middle of the woods with nothing but books and the ability to walk around in nature. Sounds like hippy touchy feely crap but I find nature and removing outside influences to be healing.

God bless.
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Old 07-01-2018, 03:21 AM
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:19 AM
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Pic of my girl and son from a decade ago-life was simpler then! I can only say thanks again to the many folks on here that have posted here with their own experiences and advice and the many who have pm'd me with recommendations, advice and prayers. I can't tell you how much better it helps me feel as well gives me places to look for additional help and guidance as my wife and I figure this out for our daughter. We've had a rocky couple of days but I have talked with my girl about her fear of disappointing me or her mom and that we could never be disappointed in her and that we want to figure this out however we can and whatever it takes. I think this has helped her a bit. We will be looking at places she can volunteer some during the summer and are holding off on finding another summer job-there will be plenty of time to work and the money is not the issue. Hopefully volunteering will not be a trigger event and give her something to do during her time off from school while we work thru docs, meds, counseling etc. We'll see how it goes, and thank you all once again - THT can be a great place!
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Old 07-01-2018, 04:22 AM
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Originally Posted by captbone View Post
Some much good information from doctors and people going/been through similar situations. THT has such a broad breadth of knowledge and so many generous people willing to share.

Prayers for your daughter and yourself/family. As the father of a little girl, I know I would rip my own eyes out to help her.

My only advice is find calmness and decompression from the craziness of this world. Between the news, social forces and the stresses of careers, school, finding a mate........... being still is something we don't do anymore. I am far from being a teenager but life and others can literally be crushing. I have seen it with small things like watching too much news.

I have found that I daydream of a cabin in the middle of the woods with nothing but books and the ability to walk around in nature. Sounds like hippy touchy feely crap but I find nature and removing outside influences to be healing.

God bless.
Thanks - it turns out she, and a group of friends are doing just that. Heading to New Hampshire for 5 days in the woods at the end of the week!
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