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-   -   Anyone have a child with debilitating anxiety? at whits end.. (

CruiseToFish 06-28-2018 06:53 PM

Do not underestimate the internal depression, no matter how gorgeous they are or how easy life is for them. You do not understand if you haven't been there. For me as a kid I literally wouldn't go into a store or leave the car to go to the beach. Good friends were what helped me through it. At 19 in college I started training in aikido and that helped a lot. I've worked form home writing software since 2003, so yeah, I don't like offices and people in general, but I'm getting over that at 41 now.

spraynet 1 06-28-2018 06:53 PM

While I have zero experience with mentoring females, I've certainly noticed some very important difference between those I do mentor, ( overwhelmingly, urban, black youth, gang kids) and white males the same age. In all my 34 years I have NEVER witnessed a boy of mine have any anxiety or depression related problems! IMO it has everything to do with the differences between the stresses of social media, family expectations, and lack of any exercise! My boys, are ALL in very good shape, they don't care what anyone thinks, and are all very arrogant!
White boys that same age......Most get No exercise and therefore are in horrible shape, they care what anyone and everyone thinks, and have zero confidence and swagger. All leading to a kid with poor social skills, fear, anxiety, and depression. It's far worse for females!

Again, IMO...young women generally do not get any exercise at all. They live on they're phones, hanging on each and every word from their peer group, and feel the pressures and/or expectations of their families MUCH greater then their male counterparts in general.

IMO what your daughter needs is several weeks away from any cell phones, computers, and the stresses of everyday life and simply re-connect with herself. There are many program nationwide that do just that and are fairly successful because the young adult is isolated from all the crap and garbage in today's world, and starts to understand what's really important in life, they begin to gain confidence and strength, and learn more about themselves in a few weeks then the previous 17 years!

Just a thought!

Brad1 06-28-2018 06:55 PM

I had a minor problem with panic attacks that was corrected by medication. Prior to the medication, several nights a week I would wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing so fast I thought it was going to bust out of my chest. Do you think it might be something what would warrant a neurological exam? Maybe there's something neurological that's triggering the anxiety. I'm only mentioning that because my oldest Son started experiencing seizures a few years ago (also under control due to medication) and during the course of all the tests they ran, it began to seem (to me at least) that there so many conditions that can exist and they can manifest themselves in so many different ways.

I really hope you're able to get your Daughter's anxiety issues worked out.

OldPete 06-28-2018 07:00 PM

First, I sincerely will say a prayer for your daughter tonight. It has to be really hard... I have two little ones - and just turning 10 and 8... so I have a while to go. I can see my son worrying at times - not to the point of a panic attack, but it's tough. He likely had too much going on a while back (Black belt, school, etc.)...

My best advice? And you might think I'm crazy. But do you think she'd have interest in martial arts? I'm serious. Stop laughing. It really is a HUGE help. If nothing else, a lot of places have "intro" deals that are usually free or almost free. See if she's willing. There is something about it... hard to quantify on a forum. But if you think she might be interested, I have to say -- it really puts my kids in the "right" mind. It doesn't matter if she's "fit" or not. It's NOT just about that.

Try and find a family type place not a "McDojo"... let them know what's going on with her. I truly believe it works. My son has been doing it for over 6 years, and my daughter is coming up on her 5th. They're hard-core, but your kid doesn't have to be unless she wants to be.

Good luck. Feel free to PM or whatever. I hope there would be someone there for me if this was my kid.

schoolsout1 06-28-2018 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by sea nymph (Post 11562145)

Not to be d**k or derail the thread, but a fiancé with panic and OCD issues is trouble for you down the road, especially if you have kids. It's progressive and only gets worse. The negative effects are unimageable and I'd be happy to share my experiences over a phone call. So, to tie this into the OP's thread, my one daughter suffers from anxiety due to my wife's severe OCD. As a manner of fact, at 5:00 am this morning a terrible thunder storm came through and the panic attacks came alive. She woke all up screaming and crying hysterically. Hard for me to understand as I don't have a lot of patience!

always a thought in the back of my mind, but my gal ain't so bad. Really picked up when her mom passed away about 4 years ago. Her OCD is more on the "safety" side like checking doors 10x each before going to bed...making sure range/oven is off waiting on her for 10 mins while she stares at outlets in the bathroom making sure nothing is plugged in (I'm pretty sure several women I know, also, bring hair straighteners/curlers/whatever with them) so the house doesn't catch on fire kinda thing.

Meanwhile, I'm in the back yard throwing cups of gasoline on the fire to get it going...I think I contribute to the situation just a little bit. She's "diffused" a situation once, so I hear about it every time I want to do something.

louiefl 06-28-2018 07:42 PM

Your brain will f**k you over for no real reason resulting in these debilitating panic attacks. Knew someone with this that came out of nowhere in their 30's and was fine around the house, but couldn't go into a grocery store without tripping the flee part of the fight or flee state. Couldn't ride in public transport, stadiums and other wide open spaces were a problem. Drunk, she had no problems. Finally got through it with immersion therapy. Couldn't ride on a city bus for 15 minutes, but could ride from one stop to the next one and get off. When she realized she wasn't going to die, was able to ride a couple stops, and pretty soon riding a bus wasn't a trigger. Little by little was able to get through all of the triggers and isn't bothered any longer, though took 5 years. Trick is to find out what these triggers are and to slowly put yourself in positions that cause a trigger for short periods.

willie g 06-28-2018 08:01 PM

I have not, a friend of mines daughter had major issues at college. When they found out they went to the school to find out they had a make shift psych ward consulting type center that you almost couldn’t get appointments to (full of students). They took her out for a semester and then brought her back in state

Cjfla 06-28-2018 08:43 PM

Many would argue the cusp of adulthood is the most stressful times of our lives. College, career, leaving home, leaving the family & childhood friends, being alone for the 1st time, pressure of grades, college social constructs.....the list goes on.

A few years ago I sat down with my 20 year old & related how frightened I was at the above issues, how I coped with them and how I struggled with them. Then I mentioned how I always had my family to fallback on. I now have a junior in college that frequently calls me to talk about failures and successes and how to keep moving forward regardless of what life throws at you.

mymojo 06-28-2018 09:32 PM

Thank you all once again-can't sleep tonight so reading the thoughts and experiences of everyone here gives me some comfort. She has recently joined a gym and is in great shape as she is in our local hs marching band so stays in good shape from that. She's sleeping now but still very upset and anxious about giving up this latest job. We talked about her volunteering at a local place for something to do during the summer as she is very concerned about sitting around all summer while her friends are out working so we'll look into opportunities for that tomorrow. Thanks again to everyone that has reached out.

savage 06-28-2018 10:17 PM

Stay strong.
Stay positive.

Take her fishing.

crazybeard 06-29-2018 01:08 AM

Originally Posted by schoolsout1 (Post 11562259)
always a thought in the back of my mind, but my gal ain't so bad. Really picked up when her mom passed away about 4 years ago. Her OCD is more on the "safety" side like checking doors 10x each before going to bed...making sure range/oven is off waiting on her for 10 mins while she stares at outlets in the bathroom making sure nothing is plugged in (I'm pretty sure several women I know, also, bring hair straighteners/curlers/whatever with them) so the house doesn't catch on fire kinda thing.

Meanwhile, I'm in the back yard throwing cups of gasoline on the fire to get it going...I think I contribute to the situation just a little bit. She's "diffused" a situation once, so I hear about it every time I want to do something.

untreated it can progress to much worse. Look at it this way. She's checking door locks repeatedly because her internal anxiety is so high that she is literally worrying about it repeatedly. Heaven forbid something like a burglary happens and she has no coping skills for it. She might not be able to ever sleep in the same house again.

That's an extreme but it can get there if left unchecked. You're already describing anxiety that has is manifesting as obsessive behavior.

RussH 06-29-2018 02:05 AM

We went through some "stuff" with our daughter when she turned 16. It was the worst part of our lives, all we wanted was for her to be happy. I posted a tiny bit of the turmoil we were going through but what I posted was nothing compared to what we actually went through. I have a very hard time understanding mental issues like anxiety attacks or panic attacks, I just don't get it because I have never experienced anything like it.

I am no one to give advice, just try to support her and make sure you are always going to be there and you will never abandon her. Some how we got through it so I will be praying that you find a way to get through it too.

mymojo 06-29-2018 02:21 AM

Originally Posted by savage (Post 11562482)
Stay strong.
Stay positive.

Take her fishing.

Thank you - we are heading out on the boat tomorrow to Martha's Vineyard - she's agreed to come with a couple friends which is rare - I think it's been two years since she's been on the boat.

olsaltydog 06-29-2018 03:49 AM

Absolutely, stay strong, stay positive, be the pillar of support your daughter needs. Like many I myself find it hard to relate to those that experience these things but I have found that you don't need to relate to them, you need to understand them, give them some time, but also support. My mother has depression that has come within the last 10 years. Menopause, breast cancer and a few other issues has taking their toll and even she will admit on her good days that she is probably chemically off. I can't understand it because even just the thought of laying in bed all day I cannot comprehend, but I understand that she isn't in the same mindset as me or the same mindset of who she was 15 years ago. So I give her patience and support, I call her more often to check on her and invite to things if even just lunch.

I have also experienced this with others being we have a pretty good military population in the area, not all suffer the same but some are similar. Exercise seems to be a pretty good activity for many, many also seem to find any sort of hobby activity like fishing, shooting, exercise, etc seems to be a pretty good thing to get into. It seems to help them and gets them some form of therapeutic release. Good luck and wish you the best.

TorFed 06-29-2018 03:54 AM

Not a child, but I have had anxiety on a similar scale to that since I was a child. Bad when I was very young and resurfaced around 20.

I'm a big believer in the concept of therapy as well as meds used together. A therapeutic (daily) medication is a good band aid during the time it can take the therapy to really be helpful (not what you will want to hear, but this is often 1-3 years and 2-5 therapists). An as needed med for panic attacks such as xanax or lorazepam for when appropriate and needed. Generally the meds help while a therapist tries to find a source and management tool or solution to the root cause of the anxiety. This can take a while.

I have gone from unable to leave my house from anxiety, to meds and therapy, to just therapy, to healthy for a few years, to back to meds and therapy etc... Realistically, it doesn't fully go away, just the way some of us are wired. I'll probably always see a therapist weekly for most of my life. It is just helpful.

Exercise helps, as do breathing exercises. Also look into biofeedback therapy. That was very helpful for me.

Try to not get frustrated or angry with her when anxiety gets in the way. You forcing her to 'face it' is not a good idea. Leave that to a therapists suggestion. You doing either of those things will create another source for anxiety when she needs to view you and her home as a comfortable home base.

WalkingTheDocks 06-29-2018 03:55 AM

Exercise is far and away one of the best treatments, and many doctors won't even prescribe drugs without also detailing an exercise plan as well.

In addition, I would make sure she's talking with a good therapist. There are many kinds of treatments and approaches to this type of condition, and it's important that your daughter finds one that resonates with her.

I would also find a forum or support group for parents going through the same with their kids so that you can be better understanding, I think it's a difficult thing to comprehend unless you experience it as well. Some sort of support / education group would be good for you I think.

rocksandblues 06-29-2018 04:25 AM

Pm me your number if you want to talk.
My incredible youngest daughter had/has anxiety issues. It CAN be controlled and worked through but it can be scary.
fwiw she graduated from HS with a 4.25 and is going to William and Mary in the fall.

Locke N Load 06-29-2018 07:01 AM

Recognizing and accepting the situation is the first step. It is good that you have. Determining the cause, if there is one, is the next step. Figuring out and implementing a plan to deal with the issues is next. It may take some tinkering or it may take a lot of tinkering, but it can be done.

For me it is social anxiety. In my mid twenties I started feeling very anxious when out in public surrounded by many people. Being in a bar/night club or a sporting stadium or even public transportation was torture. I felt like there was going to be some sort of emergency and I would not be able to escape. So I avoided any type of such a situation. Then what should have been less stressful situations were just as bad. Sitting in a conference room for a meeting with six people. Going out to dinner in a small restaurant. I knew there was a real problem when my heart would be racing, I was sweating, breathing heavy and would have been fine with cutting off an arm to be able to just run away. I talked to my doctor and he prescribed an SSRI drug. Within a week I felt fine. There were a few instances in the early times of near anxiety, but none in a long time since. 20 years later and I am taking the same prescription. It can be dealt with. Good luck.

muskamoot 06-29-2018 07:02 AM

DO NOT RULE OUT DIET!!!!! My kids all have gluten allergies.Some of the symptoms can be downright scary,even to the point of being suicidal.If you are of European descent,it is more common.I have seen firsthand the dramatic changes in personality when the gluten allergy is discovered and they go gluten free.Is it a common thing? Yes it is,Do some people treat it as a diet fad?,Yes they do,BUT for the truly affected,eliminating gluten can literally be a lifesaver.Just throwing this out there from personal experience.

mattttt25 06-29-2018 07:09 AM

- A lot of people, from all walks of life, deal with anxiety and panic attacks. More than you can imagine. Many are afraid to share it with their family and friends, so you don't realize how prevalent it is.
- Experiencing attacks or general anxiety doesn't mean you are depressed or suicidal. People that have great lives and minimal stress can still have them.
- Always rule out other, more serious medical conditions (heart issues, etc).
- There are numerous drug options that can reduce or eliminate attacks. These drugs don't need to make you a zombie or change your personality. They can simply make the attacks go away.
- You don't need to stay on the drugs forever. Many people can slowly ween off of them after a year or so, and often don't experience attacks again.

Best of luck. Please discuss all of this with your daughter's primary care physician, and get her some help.

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