Old 07-27-2006, 04:38 PM
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When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...

I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk & remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number & dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is basssnatcher. May I please speak with NAUTI?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down NAUTI's correct number & called em.

I had transposed the last two digits of his phone number.
After hanging up with NAUTI, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an @$$-hole!" & hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word '@$$-hole' next to it, & put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up & yell, "You're an @$$-hole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '@$$-hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number & said, "Hi, this is PHIN from the Charleston-Fishing-DOT-COM Customer Service Dept. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in our new the Caller ID or Stupid Post Program?"
He yelled, "NO!" & slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back & said, "That's because you're an @$$-hole!"

One day I was at the Boaters World in PM, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off & pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn & yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.

The idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first @$$-hole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW @$$-hole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, & the car's parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is FH," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, FH?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, FH, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "FH, you're an @$$-hole."
Then I hung up, & added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem or a bad day fishin, I had two @$$-holes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea.

I called @$$-hole #1.

"Hello." "You're an @$$-hole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is FH."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"@$$-hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don & you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, @$$-hole."

Then I called @$$-hole #2, YJ.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, @$$-hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"
"You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your @$$," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, @$$-hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up & immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my GAY girlfriend's secret lover, Cracka/HMT.

Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my truck wif bote attached & headed over to 34th street. I climed into my CC, opened a cold one

There I saw two @$$-holes, (YJ & FH) beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, & a news crew.

NOW I feel better.

This anger management stuff really werks!

No animals were hurt during the Anger Management, controlled experiment

Edited to clearly seperate NAUTI, PHIN and Cracka/HMT from A$$-holes #1 & #2 (currently on Speed-Dial positions 1 & 2).
Basssnatcher is offline  
Old 07-27-2006, 04:43 PM
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Old 07-27-2006, 04:48 PM
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Very creative!
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