Time for a quickie?

Old 07-22-2006, 10:20 AM
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: North Myrtle Beach SC
Posts: 8,045
Default Time for a quickie?

Quickie #1

One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed

in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

Quickie #2

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the

house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,

pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain


"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

Quickie # 3

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the

other is a husband.

Quickie #4

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,

of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a

card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

Quickie #5

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my

GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER

listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you

CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt

them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels

like when I'm driving."

Quickie #6

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain

man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That

afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army

has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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