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little bumps...what do you do?

Old 07-22-2006, 08:46 AM
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Default little bumps...what do you do?

Some of you know I'm in the midst of some major life changes. The road is a bit bumpy just now.

I'd be interested to know what you guys do to be good to yourselves in those circumstances...
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Old 07-22-2006, 09:59 AM
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Default RE: little bumps...what do you do?

Go to the library and find the mystery and detective novel area and pick out a few varieties. Stay away from the chick books. Carl Hiaasen has some pretty good reads about south Florida. Randy Wayne White has some good reads with colorful characters also. Anything by Elmore Leonard, e wrote westerns years ago but has different stuff out now. "Get Shorty" was one of his books. Robert Parker has a bunch of PI books about Spenser. Remember the Spenser for hire series on TV years ago.
Got any of those spa's were women go to be pampered???
Take those two curtain climbers that you had on your boat to the zoo, or to see the new Pirates of the Caribean movie.
I thought you californios were always going to wine tastings and such????
Wash the boat.
Go shopping for a new top. Solo uno porfavor...don't get carried away. If you buy one thing at a time you can shop alot, buy a little, and it will provide something to do on a weekly basis. I always like a new shirt.
Get a cup of coffee at the mall, and sit on a bench and drink it while you watch people. I always find this very entertaining.
Do the CAX thing whenever you can. It'll help someone else and make you feel better to.
Don't be a stranger on THT. Your already family here.
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Old 07-22-2006, 10:36 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Thanks, Gordon, for the good ideas. Thanks even more for not going down that pity parety road---I have no tolerance there. And I am mindful of wise words from a good friend, offered long ago when I was having a tough time:
"Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel bad for a little while."

I'm not much of a spa/shopping/wine tasting kind of woman (and yes, I AM a native SoCalian), but lots of your other ideas make good sense to me.

Today I'm going to the Auxiliary District Picnic.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to have dinner with a coworker from my new job. She telecommutes, but spends 3 or 4 days a week down here in our offices, and she's driving down tomorrow to be here to work in the office this coming week. And then of course I have all the weekend housekeeping things to do, as well as final little chores for the baby shower and two birthdays coming up at the office this week (amongst my other duties, I'm cruise director in the office) ....
Monday night the baby shower (dinner in a local restaurant) takes place right after work.
Tuesday night I have my Seamanship class meeting (which means I need to build some study time in between now and then).

And I'm sure by the time Wednesday gets here I'll have another list.
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Old 07-22-2006, 10:56 AM
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Default RE: little bumps...what do you do?

Well it seems you just needed a momentary dose of ideas. Stopping by here will fix you right up.

I'm not a spa, shopping, wine tasting type of person either. But, if I got a massage , a new shirt, and a good buzz all in the same day, I'd count it a good time.

You could stop by the game store on your way to the picnic, and buy a dart board and some darts. Than, when the picinic is over, take your new purchases to the house, stick a photograph on the dart board and fire away. This will be okay, because someone else recommended it. You can call it therapy. Self destructive behavior like this is no good if you think of it on your own.
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:06 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

That's a pretty full schedule Sheila. While it's good to keep busy, be careful to not get too busy. It's also important to take time to reflect and heal. Time is not the only thing that heals all wounds. (or is "that wounds all heels"....no....that's walking in bad shoes....)
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:12 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

I think maybe it's more the reflecting that got me into this little hole....that, and hanging on to a bit of hope when I knew, and have known for a long, long time, that it's hopeless.
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:18 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

It's all about balance Sheila - time away is important, and reflection is important too. You just need to find the right balance for you. It sounds like you are doing that.
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:22 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Thank you...that is excellent advice.
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:45 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

SSheila ~ I'd go with katkt's advice along with Fear Naut's. Gee.....wasn't THAT helpful of me?? Ha!~!!

You might start a "Thankful For" journal and write down 5 things everyday that you are thankful for. Helps put things into perspective.

I'm sure that divorce is a truly sucky (for lack of a better word) thing, but the GOOD NEWS is that God has a plan for your life and it's OKAY if it doesn't include a "man" at the moment. Take time to do some introspection and inventory of your own life purpose and priorities and then let God take it from there. HE ALWAYS wants what's best for us!

Just my .02 ~

Oh, and I have to agree that the massage (at LEAST an hour) along with a glass of wine (or a Corona ~ ) sound like just the ticket for a little "me" time. Aaaaahhh~

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF~!!! Cuz you're WORTH IT!!
FJ
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Old 07-22-2006, 12:05 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Hey, thanks, Jane. I've always been pretty independent, and I've never been afraid just because I'm not "attached...." so I'm okay with that part.

And I do trust in God...but I also believe that He expects me to do my best to take care of myself.
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Old 07-22-2006, 12:43 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

First, go out and find yourself a REAL EXPENSIVE hobby!............................










oh, you already have a boat!


Seriously, when I got divorced, I immersed myself into my work. I was busy all the time and made money, too! Also I rekindled old relationships. Look-up friends, co-workers, roommates, family friends, etc from the past who meant alot to you in the past. I recently saw a movie whose main character reminded me of my youth minister growing up. I researched on the internet and found him. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 20+ years. He was out-of-town when I called his church, but this week I will find an old friend! Good for the soul.

Smile, cry, be angered and happy,; feel all the emotions! That is good for you. But then remember, feeling sorry for yourself for too long will get you nowhere........................................... .................................................

you are not unique, we all have ups and downs and the strong survive!

Survival of the fittest!

Danny







ps-The part about "not being unique" is tough love saying for people who always are feeling sorry for themselves. They are not unique, we all feel that way sometimes! Just wanted to clarify
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Old 07-22-2006, 02:05 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

All that other stuff is good advice / advise....however.....Just get a bottle of Your favorite Bourbon...and hammer it down... Next day, get up feel' n pretty good about noon time....

Then treat yourself to a nice....I mean real nice dinner....no company....just order, eat, sip coffee / tea with desert and have yourself an after dinner drink you have never had before.

Two day total of hey I feel pretty good should only cost you about $150.00....

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Old 07-22-2006, 03:08 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

What Hawks said, but I'd go with a Canadian blend. Nothing like a hang over to make you realize what feeling bad is all about!!

Seriously, this too shall pass, I know it did for me, both times!!! (Some of us are slow learners!)
thom
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Old 07-22-2006, 04:03 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

While going through a tough time a while back, I kept reminding
myself that pain was natures way of letting you know you were
still alive, and that in time , it would pass. It's OK not to be OK.
But taking positive steps, even if they're baby steps is what will
get you through. Find whatever it is that brings you joy, and go
for it. Never forget what brought you to this point in your life, but
don't dwell on it. Everything that has ever happened to you has
made you the person you are today, and will be tomorrow. Learn
from it, and use it to make the rest of your life what YOU want it to be.

Dr. Phil has left the building.....
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Old 07-22-2006, 08:41 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Thanks, guys, I knew I came to the right place... Danny, I read it to mean "you're not the only one who's been in this spot" rather than "there's nothing special about you".....I'm not one to throw a pity party....I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all.....just sadness and loss. I guess it's normal to grieve a bit, hmm? I made plans to meet a few friends for lunch one day within the next few weeks, gently declined an invitation to dinner tomorrow night....

I went to the picnic today and had a wonderful time. Hung out with some Aux buddies, made some new friends, spent about an hour helping to clean up when it was over, watched the Lane Victory make her way through the channel...watched our OTO try to do Polynesian dance in a pareu (that ALONE was worth the price of admission).

The friends thing is kinda tough. My very best friends live at some distance. We talk and email, but real visits are hard. I have one very dear friend who is close at hand, but schedules are at odds. And without exception, my married women friends treat me like I'm suddenly contagious. I want to tell them, "hey! I don't even want my own husband! Why on earth would I want yours?" But, oh well.

New in town, new job....but making friends slowly but surely. Picked up a beer and a boating magazine on my way home from the picnic. I suppose one could have a worse Saturday night.
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Old 07-22-2006, 09:34 PM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

SSheila,
When all is said and done, there are no shortcuts. Ya just gotta keep on keepin' on.
Hang in there and you must know by now that we are here for you. . .
thom
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Old 07-22-2006, 09:35 PM
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Default RE: little bumps...what do you do?

Sheila,
Hang in there, I don't know your scenario, but if you have a house, paint a room a new color or redo a room, it will keep you busy and make things look different.

I also like the drinking, but I like vodka!

Good luck

Dean
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Old 07-23-2006, 11:37 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Thanks, guys, for the support.

Once one awakens in the morning, what is one to do, other than make one's way through the day to the best of one's ability?

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Old 07-23-2006, 11:45 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Having been through what you are going through, the only advice I can offer is to get on with your day as best you can. It will take time. Just as with a death in the family there is a natural period of mourning that one must go through.
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Old 07-23-2006, 11:56 AM
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Default Re: little bumps...what do you do?

Understood, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

It is different when a loved one dies, because then you're not left to ponder what you might have done differently.
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