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New Legislation - Please Read

Old 07-21-2006, 02:34 PM
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Default New Legislation - Please Read

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

WASHINGTON, D.C., July 4, 2006

The Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills, motivation, or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over while people who are willing to work hard to earn a living get ahead in this country. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, are willing to accept responsibility and have some idea of what they are doing."

Senators Ted Kennedy and John Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 87 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. The percentage was even higher for those in management positions.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (82%), the airline industry (92%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (89%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (77%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire two clueless workers for every one talented hire.

Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" or "Do you know of any reason you can not do this job?" Furthermore, references of prior employers are forbidden.

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented, unmotivated, intelligently-challenged citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

As a footnote: Employers will not be allowed to pass on any added costs (if any) to their customers.

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Old 07-21-2006, 02:37 PM
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Default RE: New Legislation - Please Read

It would be funny, if it was not so close to reality.

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Old 07-22-2006, 07:52 AM
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Well, I for one am glad to see this forward thinking legislation finally being brought to the forefront. It will create thousands of jobs for those less fortunate that lack common sense job skills that have been downtrodden for generations. I have been in contact with Senators Kennedy and Kerry and have offered the services of my consulting company to monitor the results. In the proposed contract I will be interviewing employees in these new positions to make certain that the expectations of the employers are realistic and in line with the non existent skill set of the employee. In the event of non compliance (expecting too much from the employee) there is a schedule of monetary fines and professional sanctions ready for implementation. I am scheduled to begin the monitoring process as soon as I am able to build some energy around the concept........
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Old 07-22-2006, 08:53 AM
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Ted Kennedy is the perfect poster child for the AWNAA..a true person with no apparent skills who has risen to a position of self importance.......
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Old 07-22-2006, 10:31 AM
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Default Re: New Legislation - Please Read

And of course, the AWNAA poster child - George W. Bush.

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Old 07-22-2006, 10:38 AM
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Hydro - 7/22/2006 7:31 AM

And of course, the AWNAA poster child - George W. Bush.
GW managed to outsmart Kerry.....during the election and during college


(into the bilge we go.... )
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Old 07-22-2006, 10:48 AM
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Hydro - 7/22/2006 10:31 AM

And of course, the AWNAA poster child - George W. Bush.
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Old 07-22-2006, 11:13 AM
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Nice tush Bailey....
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