Go Back  The Hull Truth - Boating and Fishing Forum > BOATING FORUMS > Dockside Chat
Reload this Page >

A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Notices

A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Old 07-19-2006, 05:42 PM
  #1  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too"

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Shag is online now  
Old 07-19-2006, 05:45 PM
  #2  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined
by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think
he'll win.
Shag is online now  
Old 07-19-2006, 05:46 PM
  #3  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Shag is online now  
Old 07-19-2006, 05:48 PM
  #4  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,925
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

So... What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?
In both cases, their last hit was "The Wall".
Shag is online now  
Old 07-19-2006, 06:53 PM
  #5  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
PLEDGERPLEDGERPLEDGERPLEDGER
 
Snapper Head's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Republic of West Florida - the ORIGINAL lone star state
Posts: 17,772
Default RE: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Shag,

I really like the last one, but you KNOW yergonnagetsh!t for that one

Big Al
Snapper Head is offline  
Old 07-19-2006, 09:36 PM
  #6  
CJS
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Adrift
Posts: 5,835
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Two guys finish a round of golf and head into the locker room to
change before going to the bar. As they're undressing, one of
the guys notices the other one is wearing womens panties. He
asks, "Hey Bob, How long have you been wearing womens
underwear. Bob replies, "Ever since my wife found a pair under
the front seat of my car".
CJS is offline  
Old 07-20-2006, 03:34 PM
  #7  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Apex, NC
Posts: 933
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Shag, Shag Shag....'nuff said.
Capt Rick/NC is offline  
Old 07-20-2006, 04:18 PM
  #8  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north miami beach Fl.
Posts: 4,384
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

This too young unmarried girl had identical twin boys and she put them up for adoption. Adoption agency asked if she would ever want to be contacted later in life if one of the boys so desired, she said yes.
One boy went to South America and the family named him Juan, the other went to the middle east and was named Amal.

15 yrs later the mother gets a letter with a photo of Juan. This makes her happy and sad and her husband of 10 yrs says why are you sad, she says Juan is so cute i wish I had a picture of Amal.......he says it's OK they're identical twins,........................... if you've seen Juan....you've seen Amal (read the last line quickly)
evernic is offline  
Old 07-24-2006, 10:58 PM
  #9  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Chesapeake, VA
Posts: 3,616
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Shag - 7/19/2006 5:48 PM

So... What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?
In both cases, their last hit was "The Wall".
broncobirdy is offline  
Old 07-25-2006, 11:32 AM
  #10  
Senior MemberPLEDGERPLEDGERPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 9,444
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

good ones!!
TrollnHeel is offline  
Old 07-26-2006, 01:10 AM
  #11  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Kinston, NC / Blounts Creek, NC
Posts: 152
Default Re: A couple of jokes to lighten up your evening.

Shag - 7/19/2006 5:48 PM

So... What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?
In both cases, their last hit was "The Wall".

Shag that is up!
durabostbay is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Thread Tools
Search this Thread