Mr. Demeanor

I need to VENT!!!!!!! Because I'M MAAAAD!!
I just went to Walmart to pick up a few things. I'm waiting in the self-checkout line and I dropped a $20 bill (yep that's me trying to hold everything because I didn't want a cart). The lady in front of me picked it up. I thanked her and held my hand out, and she said, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector," and walks away.

I was like oh heck NO!! I looked at the person behind me standing in line, they couldn't believe it either.... this can't be real life right now, right?! So I took a deep breath and I turned back towards the lady/thief/or whatever you wanna call her and as I approached her I said, "Do I look like I'm in the mood?! Let's not play games. Go ahead and give me back my money.” She had the nerve to ignore me completely and TRIED to walk away from me... SOOOOO, of course, I left everything and followed her into the parking lot as I was calling the police (because of course somebody's about to go to jail... not sure who at this point though, her or me). She was almost running at this point to get away from me, which was the first sign of real intelligence this lady had shown.

When she got to her car she put her bags on the ground trying to quickly get her trunk open.
I was boiling at this point! I decided that her “finders keepers" rule just presented the perfect opportunity for a great teachable moment... SO... I went into track star mode and ran full speed, and grabbed her grocery bags, and headed to my car yelling, "The things found on earth are kept by the collector!" I hopped in my car ignoring her every attempt to get my attention. I was outta line I'll admit, but she was too. I was HOT, but I had a sense of satisfaction at the same time. Lemme say this, anyone who knows me knows that as an adult I've never stolen anything so this is completely out of character for me. But anyway I get home and open the bags and what did I find?
3 packs of ribeye steaks
3 pounds of wild caught salmon
2 pounds of Vegetables
Everything to make a bomb salad
And...
A bottle of Wine
I can't help but think to myself... WOW! Not bad for $20 dollars

Mr. Demeanor

In all seriousness.... this is just a joke to see who would read the entire post. And because I TOTALLY fell for it too.
If you made it...please copy and paste and sit back and enjoy. Hopefully, I just put a smile on your face!

RussH

Dang I was just about to congratulate you! I tend to be a little gullible.

thunder550

You had me til the last line

autobaun70

In as getting ready to call you out for eating Walmart steak. I won’t subject my dog to that shit.

raystein

I would not have gotten suspicious if you had said the contents were a pack of the 30% fat hamburger, a loaf of cheap white bread, a big bag of cheese puffs, and three boxes of little Debi creme filled oatmeal cakes.

Jus Teasin

It would have entirely believable if you would have said she had a guttural French accent!

Mr. Demeanor

My friends got a kick out of this because its totally believable if you knew me and, shit like this really happens to me. I actually caught a shoplifter at Walmart about a month ago.

Mr. Demeanor

If Im in there I will pick through the ribeys. I have found some REALLY nice ones on occasion. In fact recently I grabbed a package that looked really nice and my wife commented it was the best she had ever had. Ive noticed it varies by store as well.

Cracker

I knew you would not have done this

1. Stealing

2. You doing a sprinters run. (biggest tale of BS)

Walleye Guy

Got me hook, line, and sinker Mr. D! You were going to be my hero for a second......well I suppose you're an alright guy.

triumphrick

I have shopped in the Venice Fla Walmart many times....

Folks, it is a Walmart, but down there it may as well be a Target

The local clientele are not anything like you would imagine, so I was doubting the story

Every other parking spot has a tree planted for shade...or so it seems.

And it's pretty lilly white.

https://www.google.com/maps/uv?hl=en...DB8Qpx8IhwEwCg

bogue

Tell CuJo hi, from me!

Nice story, but for a bit I was thinking, this is the wrong OP.

mfix

I thought there was going to be another line saying
"I followed the wrong women out of the walmart"

Sprockets

Had me for sure, although I was starting to doubt it towards the end.

Double tyme

Believable except for finding wild caught salmon at Walmart.

Im Russ level gullible so I actually believed it and just assumed the Walmarts near you are nicer than the ones near me.

OReely

It would have been totally believable had you added 3 lbs of farm raised, orange tinted swai rather than than wild caught salmon.

Rustybee

Got me good.

Still Stoked

Fake news.?

rocksandblues

got me too

I liked it but then unliked it