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Would You Tell a Close Friend About Their Children's "Activities"?

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Would You Tell a Close Friend About Their Children's "Activities"?

Old 08-25-2017, 07:59 AM
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Default Would You Tell a Close Friend About Their Children's "Activities"?

I'm faced with quite the debacle, and the issue has me paralyzed. I'm looking for some additional wisdom from folks that may have been in a similar situation.

We have a friend, who is also friends with another family we're friends with. It was brought to our attention that the children in one of the families is doing things that they shouldn't be doing, some of which is highly illegal and other things that could endanger lives. I'm not convinced the parents know what's going on, although they may suspect one of the children of doing some of the activities, but certainly not the full extent of it. I believe they would be shocked to know the gravity of the situation.

Would you talk to the family and disclose this information, or mind your own business?

I'm looking at it from two perspectives. Would the family be angry/defensive if we told them, or if they find out that we knew, would they be angry/defensive that we didn't tell them? I realize the depth of the relationship comes into play, but in a general sense, what's the logical thing to do?
Old 08-25-2017, 08:00 AM
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If it's endangering lives I'd say something.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:02 AM
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You'll probably have to disclose said "activities". There are some on this site that consider week highly illegal and life endangering.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:02 AM
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how old are the kids involved?

drug related? what kind of criminal activity?
Old 08-25-2017, 08:03 AM
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As a parent I would want to know..whether good or bad news.
Shit goes down quick how would you feel then?
Old 08-25-2017, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Spacemaker View Post
I'm faced with quite the debacle, and the issue has me paralyzed. I'm looking for some additional wisdom from folks that may have been in a similar situation.

We have a friend, who is also friends with another family we're friends with. It was brought to our attention that the children in one of the families is doing things that they shouldn't be doing, some of which is highly illegal and other things that could endanger lives. I'm not convinced the parents know what's going on, although they may suspect one of the children of doing some of the activities, but certainly not the full extent of it. I believe they would be shocked to know the gravity of the situation.

Would you talk to the family and disclose this information, or mind your own business?

I'm looking at it from two perspectives. Would the family be angry/defensive if we told them, or if they find out that we knew, would they be angry/defensive that we didn't tell them? I realize the depth of the relationship comes into play, but in a general sense, what's the logical thing to do?

Creating danger for themselves or others? No brainer.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:03 AM
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I've been in the same situation - called my friend and told him what I saw and heard. He took it well and I never regretted the decision.

*The question I've always asked myself is "would I want someone to tell me if one of my kids was doing the same thing?" And the answer for me was yes.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:05 AM
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"some of which is highly illegal and other things that could endanger lives. "

If these are the issues..then there may be less harm in telling the parents than having someone injured or worse.


.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:06 AM
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Subscribed.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:07 AM
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As we understand it, illegal drugs and drug dealing, in addition to DUI/BUI. Both children are under 21.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:08 AM
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I'd want to know, so yes id tell them. No question.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:10 AM
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You said CLOSE friend , yeah I'd mention it.

Let's put it this way, I attended the funeral of one of my closest friends sons. He blew his own brains out , I don't know what he got into before that but that was one of the saddest days I can remember. If you can help him avoid that you would be doing him a huge favor.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Spacemaker View Post
As we understand it, illegal drugs and drug dealing, in addition to DUI/BUI. Both children are under 21.
yeah, i'd want to know.

you bringing it to the parents is doing the right thing regardless of their reactions.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:11 AM
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duh yes,

you will get some "mind your own business" answers but whatever happens to it "takes a village" help your friends out, that's what you are here for, not just to hang out and throw back beers.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:12 AM
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If there is a DUI/BUI involved chances are the parents are already in the know.

Print out the public records of the arrests and add an anonymous note about the suspected drug dealing and drop it in the mail.

Trust me if you know, it's not a secret to others in the circle.

Absolutely tell, this may be the only opportunity to get them on the right path and god forbid you don't say anything and someone gets hurt or worse due to their actions!

It can all be done anonymously. If that doesn't get the parents attention and you see the activity continue get a hold of the local high school police resource officer and clue him/her in. They deal with this everyday.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:13 AM
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Depends on where you got the information and the credibility of such information.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:14 AM
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If it would be something like smoking a little pot or something, no.

If it's truly something that is endangering their life or others than absolutely.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:15 AM
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It's hard to tell what people mean when they call someone a friend. If you're close to them I would tell them what you know and how you know it.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:16 AM
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As a parent of 2 teenagers myself, I would absolutely want to know. Have facts and show concern for all parties. Be careful with conveying rumors and hearsay. How it's delivered will go a long way towards keeping the relationships in good standing.
Old 08-25-2017, 08:17 AM
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Tell them anonymously if it's a problem that you're directly involved.

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