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Parent's Words of Wisdom for Misguided Youth

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Parent's Words of Wisdom for Misguided Youth

Old 07-03-2017, 09:34 AM
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Default Parent's Words of Wisdom for Misguided Youth

My daughter forwarded me this email that one of her college friend's fathers sent to his daughter:
Mom raised the issue of your stating to her you are going to get a tattoo.
So, I thought an email, that leaves a clear and permanent record of my position is the best way to respond. I suggest you save this email to refer to in the future, as I will have it forever.
In my opinion, which as I will demonstrate herein, is the one that counts, having tattoo(s) as viewed by those adults who will employ you later in life is a huge negative.
While an 18-30 year old may think they look cool and are a form of self-expression, those of us over age 40 (the ones who run America and actually hire people), think they are: stupid, distracting, show a lack of discipline, project a street/hood/gangsta mentality/image, and are unattractive and become more so as those same young people and their skin ages.
Our (mom & I) goal and perhaps primary mission in life is to get you (and your siblings) prepared to leave our super-comfortable nest and survive on your own financially. To do so, we are spending huge amounts of our time, effort and especially money to make that happen. So long as you are living in our house and we are paying for any part of you support (college, housing, food, medical care, cell phone, car, plus any and all other expenses, you will abide by our rules. If that requirement is too difficult for you to comply with, as you are 18 years of age, you are free to emancipate yourself at any time by moving out, getting a full-time job and fully supporting yourself financially (even if that means moving into a homeless shelter and eating at soup kitchens).
Since I am paying $71,000/yr. for your college tuition, room and board and travel, plus $750/yr. for your cell phone, $7,000/yr. for your car, $6-8,000/yr. for your “lifestyle” expenses - which in case you can’t do the math, is $86,000+/yr. (what you would have in net income if you had a job that paid $110,000/yr. = 7,333 hours per year working at McDonalds (in case you can’t figure out how much that actually is, earning $15/hr it is 20 hours per day, 365 days per year)), I/we get to place significant restrictions on what you can and cannot do.
So, let me succinctly sum it up for you: NO TATTOOS!
Let me also briefly add: you will accept and live by all of our conditions and restrictions in exchange for continued financial support or GTFO.
Dad

She thought the email was wrong and mean. I told my daughter, that her friend's father was wise and that was some sage advice. I also said, the same rules apply in our house - although she hasn't yet asked to get a tattoo.
Old 07-03-2017, 09:41 AM
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I told both my kids early on, "Tattoos better come with free rent, because you won't be staying here if you get one..."

I have nothing against tattoos, but I think if you are mature enough to get one, you better be mature enough to afford your own place.

My old colleague was on the admissions team here for Duke Medical School. If you had a visible tattoo, you were immediately off his list.
Old 07-03-2017, 09:44 AM
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I like it! My children have not asked yet but I will remember this, if and when that time comes.
Old 07-03-2017, 09:49 AM
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One of my co-workers had a great response to his daughters request for a Tattoo: Let's both get the same one !

Seem to not sit well with the youngster and she never did get one.
Old 07-03-2017, 09:51 AM
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While I'm in complete agreement with each and every word of that letter, it is indeed sad knowing that folks judge an individual like this. While I personally do not like multiple tats, or sleeves, or certain locations of tats, I see nothing wrong with a well placed, inconspicuous tat that brings pleasure to its recipient, but those seem to be few and far between.
Old 07-03-2017, 09:51 AM
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she'll rebel and come home with a sleeve and dad will flip out and they will spend the rest of their lives hating each other until they learn to get over it. all because dad took the nuclear option. btw, what if the tattoo was just going to be a cute little panda bear on her ankle and not a this end up sign on her butt?
Old 07-03-2017, 09:52 AM
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No piercings and no ink in my house. Made that clear since they were little.

I refuse to let the Kardashians, Hollywood, TV, and internet garbage be the moral compass for my home.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:04 AM
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Nice. I don't have anything against tattoos per se (full disclosure my wife has a few, but they are tiny and not visible in work attire), however if I owned a business anyone with large visible tattoos would not be considered for the job, or at least they'd be at an extreme disadvantage from the start. Same goes for wild hair dos. We have a woman at work, a grown assed woman in her 40s I should say, who has purple hair. To me, that screams I need attention, and quite frankly is pathetic. Apparently she landed a job but, again, if I owned a business and she came in for an interview there's zero chance I'd take her seriously.

Side note...70k a YEAR for college?!?!? She better be a surgeon once she's out.

That is insane.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:07 AM
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The dad sounds like a complete a-hole.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Jersus View Post
The dad sounds like a complete a-hole.
Yep. Plenty of ways to word that and get the point across without so much hatred. The spite he has for raising his kids in the manner HE decided is polarizing in that.

Talking AT your kids won't end up working out well in the long run. Talking WITH them does. One form they respect, the other, leads to rebellion and alienation.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by spraynet 1 View Post
While I'm in complete agreement with each and every word of that letter, it is indeed sad knowing that folks judge an individual like this. While I personally do not like multiple tats, or sleeves, or certain locations of tats, I see nothing wrong with a well placed, inconspicuous tat that brings pleasure to its recipient, but those seem to be few and far between.
Bull Shit!
Old 07-03-2017, 10:24 AM
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...not to mention the fact that guys doing the hiring have tatoos too.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:33 AM
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Raising young adults in a manner which they may benefit and have the most options is certainly a definition of parent. Like paying for a wonderful education which Will change one's opportunities and life.

Cutting off parts of ones body and adulterating other parts is both permanent and limiting. Most of this is done with the parent's money.

Few parents only wish to be parents, and have little strength towards that goal. They have thrown down the role of leadership and honor.
Old 07-03-2017, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by TorFed View Post
Yep. Plenty of ways to word that and get the point across without so much hatred. The spite he has for raising his kids in the manner HE decided is polarizing in that.

Talking AT your kids won't end up working out well in the long run. Talking WITH them does. One form they respect, the other, leads to rebellion and alienation.
Snowflake
Old 07-03-2017, 11:04 AM
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Best way to get me to do something at 18 was tell me not to. Guess who got a tattoo the day they turned 18. Ha
Old 07-03-2017, 11:10 AM
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I respect the ops desire to stop this behavior while his daughter is living at home.


But.....
he need some help expressing himself. This is just an awful way to talk to your kid.

You can't provide all the things that he provides and then use it as leverage.

You do those things because you can and you want to. Not to control somebody.

Positive reinforcement is the way to go in this type of situation
Old 07-03-2017, 11:20 AM
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I told my kids "don't believe them when they tell you it's permanent, my belt sander is gonna take that off in a heartbeat".
Old 07-03-2017, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by 54bullwinkle View Post
No piercings and no ink in my house. Made that clear since they were little.

I refuse to let the Kardashians, Hollywood, TV, and internet garbage be the moral compass for my home.
Don't mean to sound like a hard ass parent, plenty of friends and their kids have both, just not for us.

I have never met anyone who regrets NOT getting a tattoo
Old 07-03-2017, 11:33 AM
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The golden rule says "the person with the gold makes the rules" nuff said....
Old 07-03-2017, 11:34 AM
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My Grandparents summed it up for me one day in terms I could understand, "Our house, our rules. Don't like our rules, go find another house"..... I didn't have to ask for any clarification....

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