Notices

Forgiveness, how do you do it?

Old 05-09-2017, 02:17 PM
  #21  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Greenville/MHC, NC
Posts: 2,611
Default

Originally Posted by cparkerc View Post
oh, I forgot, another question. How do I get rid of this knot in my stomach that has been there for over a month?
Try Kava Kava. Years ago I used the powder kind. Two teaspoons mixed into a 1/3 of a glass of Diet Mt Dew. Nasty, but it works with almost no side effects.
aFORDable is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:33 PM
  #22  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Central Calif
Posts: 338
Default

I don't know. My ex-wife cheated on me. I never could "get over it" and forgive her.

Good luck in whatever is troubling you.
Fishnmike is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:40 PM
  #23  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 4,058
Default

Forgiveness is given freely. Period. Forgiveness is something you freely give to someone even though it's hard to with no if, ands, or buts. It's often very freeing for the one doing the forgiving. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to give trust to that person. It just means you forgive them.
wannabefishin is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:48 PM
  #24  
Admirals ClubCaptains Club Member Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Birmingham / Hessel, MI
Posts: 26,971
Default

Forgiving is not for the person who transgressed against you....forgiving is to free YOURSELF from the hate that is eating at your soul...
cedarholm is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:48 PM
  #25  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
atcfris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11,909
Default

If the deceit was with malicious intent, then no can do, dagger to the heart and move on.
atcfris is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:58 PM
  #26  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Dacula Ga
Posts: 142
Default

[QUOTE=Still Stoked;10253588]Here's how a friend helped me decide what to do. Imagine if you broke a mirror. You still have all the pieces. You glue them back together. The mirror is now stronger than it ever was.

Remember the purpose of the mirror? To view a reflected image.

Here's what you need to ask yourself: can you focus on the reflected image? Or do you focus on the cracks.[/QUOTE



The mirror may work correctly afterwards and look perfect to everyone that gazes into it, but you will always know that it is cracked, and you will never forget it.
Blue Goose2 is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 03:05 PM
  #27  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Middle Peninsula, VA
Posts: 1,354
Default

If it is important to you to forgive this person you will find a way.

I cheated on my ex-wife. She left and cheated on me.
I hated her even though it was me that initiated the cheating.
But I loved her and we had a child.
Tried to make it work but we were both too immature at the time.
We agreed to divorce and raise our daughter together while being apart, if that makes sense.
Eventually we became friends again. My current wife, who was her best friend, and I would stay at her house when we went to visit my daughter when they moved out of state.

I'm not sure when it happened but I guess we forgave each other somewhere along the line.
I believe it was out of love for our daughter and each other.

Good luck, I know that gut knot well.
1976K204x4 is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 03:07 PM
  #28  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,601
Default

always ask myself if in the same situation could I see myself doing the same deed. Doesn't mean I would do it but can you see how and why it happened. If you can you start to understand and overlook the act.

Often there are reasons infidelities take place, spouse not giving enough time to the husband/wife, lack of communication, boring sex life, blame is a 2 way street many times.

So look in the mirror and see if any blame falls on you or if you can at least understand where the other party is coming from, then it's communication, communication, communication.
YFMF is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 03:11 PM
  #29  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Long Island, New York
Posts: 2,616
Default

Originally Posted by Esuomm1 View Post
Care a lot less.

Just don't give a crap and realize S happens.

Don't let someone else's actions dictate how you feel.
This about sums it up. I just remind myself that people are stupid.
sharktripper is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 03:11 PM
  #30  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,790
Default

Originally Posted by cparkerc View Post
oh, I forgot, another question. How do I get rid of this knot in my stomach that has been there for over a month?
Originally Posted by BlueRudy View Post
Whiskey.
Originally Posted by kenner69 View Post
Tequila.
Marijuana
UT_VOLS13 is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 05:03 PM
  #31  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 16,840
Default

Totally depends on what it is -- but there is a difference between "forgive" and "forget".

It will destroy you. My wife's Mom and her Dad were divorced many MANY moons ago... over 30 years ago... and to this day, my wife's mother got herself back together. She is still angry and hates the man to no end. He definitely made some very wrong choices... however, why, WHY, would you ever let something so horrible make your life even worse?!?! I, being the idiot that I am, tried to have a mature conversation with her - but obviously, that didn't work. It has become what defines her. It's actually really sad. She is all alone, never met anyone else, her physical health isn't the best (to say the least). My wife and I have tried very hard to turn it around - to no avail. I honestly have no idea who she would be if being "screwed by my ex" wasn't what she became. It actual makes me sad to even write this because anyone with eyes can see it when she visits us from NJ... it really is sad.

The single best advice I can give you is to NOT let it define you and NOT let it make a bad thing worse.

I was divorced well over 10 years ago. My ex-wife screwed me pretty good (and not in the good way LOL)... at the time I was a little pissed off by much smarter-than-I-am Jewish lawyer told me, "In 3 years you'll look back in your rear view mirror and this won't matter a bit". He was right. I came back 10x better. My life wouldn't be a 1/10th of what is now had she not pulled the stunt she pulled. OTOH, well... my ex? Let's just say her life circled the drain and never stopped... she stole some coin, and thought she pulled a great con. LOL. It didn't work out for her.

Feel free to PM me. I'm more than willing to talk and share. Whatever you do NEVER let this get the better of you -- if it's a spouse, a close friend, or family. I've been fugged by all three -- and in big ways on all three.
OldPete is online now  
Old 05-09-2017, 05:05 PM
  #32  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 16,840
Default

Originally Posted by cparkerc View Post
oh, I forgot, another question. How do I get rid of this knot in my stomach that has been there for over a month?
I can tell you what worked for me:

EXERCISE!!! I was at the gym 5 days a week. I ran 7 miles 4 days a week... worked out like crazy. Which made me look better and got me a bunch of hot tail. LOL.... which is how I landed my hot new wife. LOLOLOL.

Seriously man. PM me.
OldPete is online now  
Old 05-09-2017, 05:21 PM
  #33  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 2,243
Default

I've been screwed by a relative I thought I could trust. I've forgiven for my own sake but I've also cut her out of my life. No communication....for me, that's the only way I can live with her transgression. Otherwise, it would eat me up cause I'd have to think about it even more.
Welshtrustee is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 06:04 PM
  #34  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 3,741
Default

Originally Posted by OldPete View Post
I can tell you what worked for me:

EXERCISE!!! I was at the gym 5 days a week. I ran 7 miles 4 days a week... worked out like crazy. Which made me look better and got me a bunch of hot tail. LOL.... which is how I landed my hot new wife. LOLOLOL.

Seriously man. PM me.
This without a doubt helps lose the knot. Time does heal. Your time to come out on the other side is different than others. Everyone's is. In 8 months, a year or 2 you will be in a better place emotionally and in much better shape.
round2it is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 06:27 PM
  #35  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Northern Ohio
Posts: 15,221
Default

I'll be reading this thread....I haven't talked to my oldest brother since 1985. I have never even met my nieces or nephews and he has them brainwashed into believing the entire family is against him.

I reached out to one of my nephews via Facebook and after some nice messages back and forth he sent me this one "My dad said that you are only talking to me because you are going to ask me for money"! What a f'in POS since my brother has borrowed money from everyone in the family and he hasn't paid anyone back. When my mom was on her death bed she asked me to call her oldest son so she could see him before she passed. I called him and he said he would come back only if someone paid for his plane ticket and give him a place to stay for free! I let him stay at my place and I had 2 cars, one was my beater car and my car was a nice Grand Prix. He couldn't believe I wouldn't let him drive my Grand Prix!

In my opinion some things cannot be forgiven.
RussH is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 06:35 PM
  #36  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jax, Fl
Posts: 4,071
Default

I pray & beg for God to give me forgiveness for those that I need to forgive. I can't do it without Him. But to not forgive is death eating you from the inside.
fijon is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 06:37 PM
  #37  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 2,180
Default

If someone screws me, they're on my list. Forever.
It's not out of malice on my part. I just have no use for them.
Brezinup is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 06:45 PM
  #38  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: James Island, SC
Posts: 389
Default Ignore

Originally Posted by Brezinup View Post
If someone screws me, they're on my list. Forever.
It's not out of malice on my part. I just have no use for them.
I agree with that Don't forgive. Cut rhe offender out of your life.
IES99 is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 07:13 PM
  #39  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,028
Default

This is the most solid advice on here.

Originally Posted by CJS View Post
Forgiveness is something that will benefit the forgiver much more than the forgiven. It will allow you
to let go of the resentment and other bile that is currently churning inside of you and move on. Forgiving
someone does not mean you can, or will, go back to the same relationship with that person, but it will
free you to live a better life.
SurfFishLife is offline  
Old 05-09-2017, 07:25 PM
  #40  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: On the beach
Posts: 2,956
Default

Originally Posted by BlueRudy View Post
I would not take any advice from the friend that told you this seriously.


It's just human nature.
To say it is divine or virtuous to forgive is naive.
You get one over on me, I may not dwell on it for long cause I got things to do but I probably won't forget it.
You missed the intent here. The real question is can you focus on the fix or dwell on what was wrong. Each individuals choice is different.

What I was told at the time by this gentleman seemed to fit my application. Perhaps it's inappropriate here.
Still Stoked is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread