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Am I wrong? Divorce question

Old 01-11-2017, 05:34 AM
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Long story short. My brother and SIL are in the middle of a divorce. They have two kids 11 and 13, my niece and nephew who I am pretty close with. My SIL moved out three months ago into a townhouse, for Christmas she got the kids a ping pong table. When I saw the kids at my parents on Christmas (dinner) my nephew asked if I would come over and play sometime, sure I told him. I never mentioned this to my brother, thinking he might be a little annoyed.I texted my SIL this week asking can I come over Saturday morning to play ping pong with the kids and then take them to the farm show (its her weekend with them). She said that would be great, my wife convinces me to say something to my brother.

Well my brother goes ape shit, telling me I'm a traitor, I had no right to do that etc..... I'm thinking all I want to do is spend a half day with my niece and nephew, which I tried to explain to him but he didn't want to hear it. In hindsight I guess I should have "Cleared" it with him first? Is my brother being an a hole or am I in the wrong here?
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:37 AM
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Your brother is being an A-hole and you're a traitor not a trader.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:38 AM
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IMO............. should have talked it over with ur Bro first
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Onewolf View Post
Your brother is being an A-hole and you're a traitor not a trader.
Thanks, dam spell check
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:41 AM
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Originally Posted by FASTFJR View Post
Long story short. My brother and SIL are in the middle of a divorce. They have two kids 11 and 13, my niece and nephew who I am pretty close with. My SIL moved out three months ago into a townhouse, for Christmas she got the kids a ping pong table. When I saw the kids at my parents on Christmas (dinner) my nephew asked if I would come over and play sometime, sure I told him. I never mentioned this to my brother, thinking he might be a little annoyed.I texted my SIL this week asking can I come over Saturday morning to play ping pong with the kids and then take them to the farm show (its her weekend with them). She said that would be great, my wife convinces me to say something to my brother.

Well my brother goes ape shit, telling me I'm a trader, I had no right to do that etc..... I'm thinking all I want to do is spend a half day with my niece and nephew, which I tried to explain to him but he didn't want to hear it. In hindsight I guess I should have "Cleared" it with him first? Is my brother being an a hole or am I in the wrong here?
You are not wrong, but you are also not looking at it from his point of view. Your brother is not being an A-hole, but he is reacting out of emotion as opposed to logic at this point.

Look at it from his side, a weekend in which his brother gets to see the kids, but not him. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it will hit an emotional chord with him.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:41 AM
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no issues, carry on. your niece and nephew are what matter.

Your brother needs to remove head from ass.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:43 AM
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Pics of SIL ?................Someone had to ask right.

Brother is being an A Hole IMO.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:44 AM
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Good for you, the kids need you. Brother will either come to his senses or remain an azzz.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Jersus View Post
You are not wrong, but you are also not looking at it from his point of view. Your brother is not being an A-hole, but he is reacting out of emotion as opposed to logic at this point.

Look at it from his side, a weekend in which his brother gets to see the kids, but not him. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it will hit an emotional chord with him.
I get that, and I tried to explain to him he needs to remove himself from the picture (for that day). Saturday was just some time with the kids, no matter which house I was going to pick them up. He has some anger issues he needs to work on. We are polar opposites on how we think
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:46 AM
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I think the brother is out of line and being an A-hole. From the been there done that camp, you are just trying to spend time with your family. That above all else is highly admirable.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:48 AM
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What matters is the kids. He is running off emotions, The kids im sure are hurt enough as it is so there is nothing wrong with wanting to have some normalcy in a time like that. You didnt do anything wrong IMO
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:48 AM
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Your brother is not an a-hole. He is simply going through a divorce. People going through divorces aren't always mentally where they should be. Hindsight is 20/20 but perhaps you should have told your brother ahead of time using the angle that his son asked you to play ping pong with him.......leaving his crazy x out of the picture. Anyway, good luck to you and your family. It's difficult times for sure.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:51 AM
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Originally Posted by KJS View Post
Your brother is not an a-hole. He is simply going through a divorce. People going through divorces aren't always mentally where they should be. Hindsight is 20/20 but perhaps you should have told your brother ahead of time using the angle that his son asked you to play ping pong with him.......leaving his crazy x out of the picture. Anyway, good luck to you and your family. It's difficult times for sure.
This. He's not an ahole. He's just emotional right now. When the dust settles he'll appreciate that you took the highroad and tried to stay involved in their lives.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:54 AM
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Since they're in the middle of the divorce, your brother's likely going to have a shorter fuse than usual and rational thoughts manage to get lost. You may have got the same response even if you told him in advance. Let him know you didn't think he'd make such a big deal about it and if it makes him feel better, you'll let him know ahead of time the next time. He may come to his senses and realize he was out of line, and maybe he won't. Either way, good for you to devote time to the kids.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:55 AM
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Thanks for the feed back, maybe I should have looked at it from his side a little more. Honestly I was just trying to leave both parents out of it. And FYI....SIL is pretty hot......just saying
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Gnrphil View Post
Pics of SIL ?................Someone had to ask right.

Brother is being an A Hole IMO.
Yes pic of SIL AND I see a wife was mentioned, so pic of her as well.
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Old 01-11-2017, 05:56 AM
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I don't think you're wrong but do understand your brother being touchy about this situation.

How old are you guys? I know whenever my brother and I had big disagreements on important stuff I'd usually end up holding him down and making him eat grass.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:00 AM
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You need to have a man to man conversation with your brother. He is being an ass. His kid asked you to come over and play. If he is so blind to see what you are doing is for the kids he will undoubtedly make more mistakes that can cost him down the line. The X seems to get it.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:08 AM
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My take is this. I am in the same shoes as your brother.
Dont help her by taking kids on her weekend giving her free time. Take the kids when your brother has them freeing him up to make a little extra cash or so he can chase some tail.
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Old 01-11-2017, 06:12 AM
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Brother is understandably emotional about this. Explain you would rather see them there so you are taking time away from him when the kids are with him. Let him know ahead of time next visit. Been watching the same thing with wife's family.
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