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What to do for a Vet when he loses wife and dog .....

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What to do for a Vet when he loses wife and dog .....

Old 10-10-2016, 12:08 PM
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Default What to do for a Vet when he loses wife and dog .....

I'm still a bit shocked after just speaking with a friend of 15 years. He just lost his wife to lung cancer, Hospital never sent results to her primary doctor, so it was a surprise and she died within two weeks. and 4-5 days later his dog gets hit by a car. I am driving there to see him this week. I am at a total loss as to what else I can do. Any suggestions?
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Old 10-10-2016, 12:13 PM
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Just be there
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Old 10-10-2016, 12:16 PM
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If you are close, spend as much time as you can with him at first. From my own experience, he doesn't know how you can help. If you ask, he will say he doesn't need anything. By being with him, you will see what he needs. Find out who is closest friends are. They may be his wife's best friends. Someone will step up and coordinate visitors, meals etc.

When my wife passed away 2.5 years ago, I didn't eat alone for at least 2 months. As time went on, I realized who was behind it. A group of 4 or 5 wives made sure I was busy (dinner with couples).

I's going to be a long haul for him.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by kennyboy View Post
I'm still a bit shocked after just speaking with a friend of 15 years. He just lost his wife to lung cancer, Hospital never sent results to her primary doctor, so it was a surprise and she died within two weeks. and 4-5 days later his dog gets hit by a car. I am driving there to see him this week. I am at a total loss as to what else I can do. Any suggestions?


Get him another dog and quick; don't tell him, just get it.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:42 PM
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As said just be there and pick up some of the things that need doing. He is in a blur right now
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:46 PM
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Don't expect to have the right thing to say, because there is nothing really. It's down in the trenches work to just go through the grief, but that's what is needed.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by seatec View Post
Just be there
There is absolutely nothing else you can do!

Just be there, to listen, grieve, get drunk together, just be a friend.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:52 PM
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Take him fishing.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:52 PM
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Just be there dont bring up the dog & wife he knows why you are their. let him do the talking just be as helpful as you can be without getting in the way stay strong
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Old 10-10-2016, 02:12 PM
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His wife didn't have insurance, so is a go fund me or something a possibility? I will definitely kill some beers with him at Snapper's but I just can't get my head around the emptiness he must be feeling. All of you have made me think of things that make a lotta of sense. Thank you.
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Old 10-10-2016, 04:44 PM
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As been said, just being there for him is all you can do. I certainly wouldn't bring over a surprise dog. He may not want to deal with that right now.

Losing a pet is tough. I can't imagine losing a spouse.
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Old 10-10-2016, 05:00 PM
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He has a lot of paperwork that I will help him with and maybe ask if he wants to drive to animate shelter
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Old 10-10-2016, 05:10 PM
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Snappers? What state are u in?
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Old 10-10-2016, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by 4shore View Post
Snappers? What state are u in?
Florida Keys
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Old 10-10-2016, 06:42 PM
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Had a friend that lost his son in a car accident. About a week after the funeral I called and told him I was coming over, I stopped and got a big jug of rum and everything to make Pina Colada's (his favorite drink). I made the first pitcher of drinks and I think we both cried the entire time, after the 3rd pitcher we were swimming around in the pool and talking about how great his son was.

He called me a couple of weeks after to tell me how much he appreciated what I did and how it helped him. I'm not entirely sure how it helped him but I'm sure glad it did.
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Old 10-10-2016, 07:24 PM
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Bringing a new dog is akin to bringing a new single lady. Both are terrible ideas.
Be there for him and provide all the support that you can.

You can read pretty quickly some of the overwhelming things that you can shoulder.
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Old 10-10-2016, 07:33 PM
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Make sure he is eating, drinking water, brushing his teeth and beyond that just be ready to listen when he is ready to talk. Good on you for being a good friend.

Mike
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Old 10-10-2016, 08:11 PM
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Start with a hug.

If you have any pics of his wife or dog, share them with him and the stories behind the pics. "Yeah, this is when we were at X and your wife was wearing that yellow shirt..."

==>Rapi
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Old 10-10-2016, 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Rapi View Post
Start with a hug.

If you have any pics of his wife or dog, share them with him and the stories behind the pics. "Yeah, this is when we were at X and your wife was wearing that yellow shirt..."

==>Rapi
^^^ thats always a good time



While I am a lot younger (26) than a majority of the people here i've probably dealt more with family members passings than care to admit. After having my step father, step brother, grandfather, and most recently my mother this may all pass away to cancer (except for grandpa, old age) in the last 5 years. I can definitely give you advice on the shittiest parts.

1.) Help with the funeral arrangements as much as possible!
A.) Finding a funeral home with views or spots can be overwhelming. If the rest of the family is not able to help him out, I would ask him if he needs help planning the funeral services. Such as calling and setting up appointments of possible places she would want to buried and going with him.
B.) Picking out caskets suck. No way around it unless she wanted to be cremated.
C.) The "after party" Catered food and open bar is not cheap neither is the service. It's nice having everyone show up and pay respect and talk about all the good times, not cheap.
D.) Slides shows at the service of the deceased are common and a great way to show who they were. Scanning the photos can be overwhelming and organizing them in sequence from youngest to oldest along with picking a good sound track is very time consuming. Also gathering photos from other family members to include is a great way to make sure her sisters or cousins etc. all feel included.
E.) Even making a decent invitation card to send out is a royal pain in the ass.

If he has no help from other family, that would be huge, Maybe offer money if you know he can't afford it and only if you expect to never get it back, maybe pay for the open bar or whatever. Funerals can get really expensive really quick.

Another thing I might add is the funeral home were totally cool with us putting my moms favorite dog (who died shortly before) boxed ashes with her.

Keep your buddy busy even if he says he doesn't want to do anything. Projects, hobbies and fishing are the key. I never even invited my close friends or there moms who were close with my mom cause I was really busy but they all showed up which was very cool.
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Old 10-11-2016, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by miguelitro View Post
Make sure he is eating, drinking water, brushing his teeth and beyond that just be ready to listen when he is ready to talk. Good on you for being a good friend.

Mike
Thanks to all, but especially you my friend
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