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"c***", internet and kids, what do you do?

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"c***", internet and kids, what do you do?

Old 06-04-2016, 11:34 AM
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Default "c***", internet and kids, what do you do?

So my son is 11, he came home one day and asked me what "cun*" means after hearing an older kid use it at school. He also told me he already searched the word on the internet. You know what that means.

First of all, I'm glad that he felt empowered enough to ask me that. Secondly, I didn't give him a hard time at all because I want him to talk to me about that stuff, thirdly ... what do I do? When he doesn't know something he searches the internet, usually its inquiry stuff like science and technology. Things like "how does the sun keep burning", "why is there so much water on earth" ... in this case, he searched the word "****".

Do you restrict internet use with your kids? How far do you go? How can you be sure he is not searching it at school, or at their friend's house? Or on a sleep over? How do you teach kids to use the internet responsibly? Like you can't watch him all the time.

I'm a tech guy, I could easily setup a Linux server running Shorewall (firewall) or Danguardian. I'm afraid that will only enforce the rules inside my house with no ability to enforce it outside. Plus those methods do nothing to educate and teach responsible use.

What do you do?

Last edited by makonnen; 06-04-2016 at 06:11 PM.
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted by makonnen View Post
So my son is 11, he came home one day and asked me what "****" means after hearing an older kid use it at school. He also told me he already searched the word on the internet. You know what that means.

First of all, I'm glad that he felt empowered enough to ask me that. Secondly, I didn't give him a hard time at all because I want him to talk to me about that stuff, thirdly ... what do I do? When he doesn't know something he searches the internet, usually its inquiry stuff like science and technology. Things like "how does the sun keep burning", "why is there so much water on earth" ... in this case, he searched the word "****".

Do you restrict internet use with your kids? How far do you go? How can you be sure he is not searching it at school, or at their friend's house? Or on a sleep over? How do you teach kids to use the internet responsibly? Like you can't watch him all the time.

I'm a tech guy, I could easily setup a Linux server running Shorewall (firewall) or Danguardian. I'm afraid that will only enforce the rules inside my house with no ability to enforce it outside. Plus those methods do nothing to educate and teach responsible use.

What do you do?
This will end well
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:41 AM
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When I was 11 I learned the word on the streets with my "friends".

First be glad (as you are) your child came to you. Education is always the key, be open with him/her about the word(s) they come to you with and why people use them. Further explain that it is usually used by people with limited intellectual skills and a poor background.

IMO your child will respect you that much more and look up to you for not judging them for doing some of there own research.

Then give them a hug.
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:44 AM
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I hear music in the background ....
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:48 AM
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Is it the ice cream truck?

Nope...it's the banned wagon.

OP, you may want to star out the word.
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:49 AM
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Originally Posted by sharktripper View Post
I hear music in the background ....
That's for the 70's era.
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Old 06-04-2016, 11:52 AM
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Have him call his mom it...he'll figure it out fast










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Old 06-04-2016, 11:54 AM
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Show him this picture of my ex...
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:10 PM
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You cannot police what he hears and sees when he is not under your care/supervision. You can, and must keep an eye on who he's associating with, making it a point to meet his friends and, whenever possible, his friends' parents. If you find any concerns scrutinize/monitor that relationship very carefully.

And yeah, I'd be monitoring his computer time and net activity. Monitoring, IMO, isn't to catch him "in the act" of anything, it's to help ensure it doesn't come to that, and to watch for trends. If you see any find a way to bring up the issue without saying "I found out you were looking at.....".

Finally, do what you have been doing - foster - encourage actually, open and honest conversation. They will not tell you everything, but will usually tell you enough to indicate if you need to dig deeper.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:12 PM
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LOL guys, seriously how do you handle the internet with your kids?

JD I tried, not allowed to change the thread title. Its a derogatory word but I didn't use it in that context. I would change it if I could...
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Snoozin View Post
Show him this picture of my ex...
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by ss3964spd View Post
You cannot police what he hears and sees when he is not under your care/supervision. You can, and must keep an eye on who he's associating with, making it a point to meet his friends and, whenever possible, his friends' parents. If you find any concerns scrutinize/monitor that relationship very carefully.

And yeah, I'd be monitoring his computer time and net activity. Monitoring, IMO, isn't to catch him "in the act" of anything, it's to help ensure it doesn't come to that, and to watch for trends. If you see any find a way to bring up the issue without saying "I found out you were looking at.....".

Finally, do what you have been doing - foster - encourage actually, open and honest conversation. They will not tell you everything, but will usually tell you enough to indicate if you need to dig deeper.
Well I kind of do already. The rule in the house is that he can't use the notebook or his mobile device in his room. It hsa to be in a family area. But there are exceptions, like he's old enough to be left alone at home. What then?

We also use it a lot together. A lot of his questions I have no idea how to answer. Like why is earth the only planet with so much water? (I have no idea). Why is there so much rock on the crust but the core is made of metal? (no idea). How do they know that? (no idea). If there is no oxygen on the sun (because no plants or green life) how then does it burn (no idea). So he is used to both asking me and / or searching the net for answers.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:18 PM
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Continue as you are doing...conversation and guidance...high five for being a good dad!!!
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:20 PM
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And just to add. When our 3 were growing up our rules were 1) no computer in your room. 2) no TV's in your room. They had to share the "family" PC, centrally located. If we walk by and you change/minimize the screen you loose PC access - except for homework, for a week.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:25 PM
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You’ve just stumbled onto what I believe to be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.

When you have a new born it is all about execution. It is pretty easy to know what is the right thing to do, sometimes you just can’t. I.e. do you feed the kids broccoli or chocolate? Broccoli. Do you give them milk or soda? Milk. Crap, we are out of milk, just give them water and remember to buy milk tomorrow.

When you have a toddler it is all about exhaustion. They run all over the place and when they finally do go to sleep you need to reboot the house so things can keep running, hence you don’t get to sleep while they are sleeping.

But when you have middle schoolers, HO LEE SHIT it gets hard. It wasn’t c*unt that I was asked about. My specific question (from my daughter) was, “what’s a blow job?” Uh, uh, uh, I’m not really sure, uh, uh….

Then again there was the time my daughter heard on the news all about the stain on Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and my daughter asked what’s the big deal. In her words, “my blue dress has a lot of stains and nobody notices any of them.”

Good luck dude. I wish I had the answers for you.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:26 PM
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You’ve just stumbled onto what I believe to be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.

When you have a new born it is all about execution. It is pretty easy to know what is the right thing to do, sometimes you just can’t. I.e. do you feed the kids broccoli or chocolate? Broccoli. Do you give them milk or soda? Milk. Crap, we are out of milk, just give them water and remember to buy milk tomorrow.

When you have a toddler it is all about exhaustion. They run all over the place and when they finally do go to sleep you need to reboot the house so things can keep running, hence you don’t get to sleep while they are sleeping.

But when you have middle schoolers, HO LEE SHIT it gets hard. It wasn’t c*unt that I was asked about. My specific question (from my daughter) was, “what’s a blow job?” Uh, uh, uh, I’m not really sure, uh, uh….

Then again there was the time my daughter heard on the news all about the stain on Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and my daughter asked what’s the big deal. In her words, “my blue dress has a lot of stains and nobody notices any of them.”

Good luck dude. I wish I had the answers for you.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ss3964spd View Post
And just to add. When our 3 were growing up our rules were 1) no computer in your room. 2) no TV's in your room. They had to share the "family" PC, centrally located. If we walk by and you change/minimize the screen you loose PC access - except for homework, for a week.
Well nowadays you can quite easily install monitoring software that can capture what people do on the screen, or you can install a firewall or something like dansguardian which is a free and powerful filtering service.

But those are enforcement tactics, they do nothing to actually teach safe and responsible internet use.

Thanks for the advice, I like the minimizing screen / closing the tab idea. I don't like punishing too much b/c I also feel that is an enforcement tactic that teaches someone to follow rules to avoid punishment rather than following rules because its right. I'm going to put a twist on your idea. If I catch him turning his screen or closing the tab / window, I'll explain why he shouldn't. I think I'll only punish as a last resort.
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by TTB View Post
You’ve just stumbled onto what I believe to be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.

When you have a new born it is all about execution. It is pretty easy to know what is the right thing to do, sometimes you just can’t. I.e. do you feed the kids broccoli or chocolate? Broccoli. Do you give them milk or soda? Milk. Crap, we are out of milk, just give them water and remember to buy milk tomorrow.

When you have a toddler it is all about exhaustion. They run all over the place and when they finally do go to sleep you need to reboot the house so things can keep running, hence you don’t get to sleep while they are sleeping.

But when you have middle schoolers, HO LEE SHIT it gets hard. It wasn’t c*unt that I was asked about. My specific question (from my daughter) was, “what’s a blow job?” Uh, uh, uh, I’m not really sure, uh, uh….

Then again there was the time my daughter heard on the news all about the stain on Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress and my daughter asked what’s the big deal. In her words, “my blue dress has a lot of stains and nobody notices any of them.”

Good luck dude. I wish I had the answers for you.
I have an 8 yo daughter too, how did you handle those questions?

Let me guess, "ask your mom?" LOL thats what I would do I think. Except I don't think she knows either...
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:49 PM
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Originally Posted by makonnen View Post

JD I tried, not allowed to change the thread title. Its a derogatory word but I didn't use it in that context. I would change it if I could...
Just edit then hit go advanced - and you can edit the title

I got a warning for using the "C" word. You could get banned 2nd offense I thiink

I have no advice on kids swears

Maybe just tell him it is a derrogatory or swear word that references a vagina and super bitchy women ? And not to use it till he has first hand knowledge.

I am not sure I would let my kids on the internet at home until age 10 or so unless it is for homework - when he is not home you have to just have a talk and hope.

This media is so amazing with so much positive potential but has a real nasty downside too....

Good Luck

Its good to be a man of a certain (old) age - at times
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Old 06-04-2016, 12:52 PM
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I must not have read the OP correctly.

I would applaud your child. He heard a word and he didn't know what it meant. He took it upon himself to learn what it means. I think it's great. You may have to talk to him about vulgar words and how our society places a large weight on them, etc... but I think the action he took is great. Would you rather he heard or read a word that he didn't understand and just jet by it? I wouldn't.

If I missed something... my apologies.
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