Best of the Best

Old 03-05-2016, 09:36 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: PA & VA
Posts: 1,154
Default Best of the Best

1. I gave all my dead batteries away today
Free of charge.

2. What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon.

3. Can February March?
No, But April May.

4. How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
1 or 2? 1... or 2?

5. I heard there was a new store called moderation
They have everything in there.

6. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda last night.
It was just a Fanta sea.

7. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that seafood
because now I'm feeling a little eel.

8. When you have a bladder infection
Urine trouble.

9. What happened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.

10. A man tried to sell me a coffin today
I told him that's the last thing I need.

11. What's the best thing about elevator jokes?
They work on so many levels.

12. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.

13. Whenever I want to start eating healthy
The chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

14. A three-legged dog walks into the bar and says to the bartender,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

15. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
An orcha-stra.

16. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

17. My sea sickness comes in waves.

18. I asked a French man if he played video games.
He said "wii"
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