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Oil Change- men vs women

Old 02-05-2006, 02:13 PM
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Default Oil Change- men vs women

Oil Change Oil Change instructions for Women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.


Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00



Oil Change Instructions for Men:


1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, and cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and
twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can
to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan
full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back
yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt
into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain
plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.


Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!
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Old 02-05-2006, 02:20 PM
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Default RE: Oil Change- men vs women

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Old 02-05-2006, 03:05 PM
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Default Re: Oil Change- men vs women

So true!
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Old 02-06-2006, 09:57 AM
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Default RE: Oil Change- men vs women

Well I have to say that I went the first route. On friday I dropped my daughter off at her therapy and had 1.5 hours to kill. Pulled into the Mobil change and while they were servicing the truck I was surfing THT on the free internet in the waiting room. (drinking a coffee). Before I even made it to the sand bar they called my name. ..
$35 later and no kitty litter in my eye I got my free car wash and went to wait for my daughter.
I have found the key to happiness ::"Pay to have things done"
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Old 02-06-2006, 10:04 AM
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Default Re: Oil Change- men vs women




And then you have the Oil change at Firestone...

Check car in, wait 3 times as long they don't change the oil and charge you $50..
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Old 02-06-2006, 10:12 AM
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Default Re: Oil Change- men vs women

I got some oil change coupons from the Ford dealer where I bought the truck and with the coupon it is less than I could buy the oil for. I know were I'll be going for the next three.
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Old 02-06-2006, 10:30 AM
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Default Re: Oil Change- men vs women

ReelWork - 2/6/2006 10:04 AM




And then you have the Oil change at Firestone...

Check car in, wait 3 times as long they don't change the oil and charge you $50..
and make an appointment for three days form now. I don't even know what city I'll be in three days from now.

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Old 02-06-2006, 09:38 PM
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Default Re: Oil Change- men vs women

Hilarious. Couldn't stop laughing after 15.
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Old 02-07-2006, 01:19 AM
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Default RE: Oil Change- men vs women

GREAT stuff - an SO true!

If I didn't do "PM" on the wife's car, it wouldn't get DONE! She DOES tell me when there's a "noise" - like a flat tire, no oil, door falls off, etc.!

We are fortunate enough to have 3 vehicles but only 2 drivers - nice to have a spare car around when one has to be in the shop!

P.S. - I DON'T let the wife drive my TOW vehicle (Jeep Cherokee)!!!!!!!!! THAT'S how it STAYS "driveable"!

Regards,
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