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Intrusive inlaws/ parents

Old 07-07-2015, 08:04 PM
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Default Intrusive inlaws/ parents

Ok, I don't want to come over as an asshole, but how do I tell my in laws that I'm tired of them coming over?

I mean, once a week or every other week is perfectly fine, but an average of 3-4 times a week is getting excessive and I'm about to blow the
F*{# up!

I work anywhere from 50-70 hrs./week. My wife works 50 hrs. A week. We have 8 yr old twins and she takes them to all of their extra-curricular activities, so she "works" 60 hrs./ week. Her dad is retired, so he doesn't get up at any particular time or have to be anywhere at a particular time. He and his old, chain smoking girlfriend come over when they feel like it because "The kids live on the water, and hell, we've got nothing else to do! Let's go down there!"

They never take into account that we're on a schedule. They seem to be oblivious to the fact they're a major inconvenience most of the time. They won't take a hint. I'm really starting to think they realize these facts but just don't give a shit!

I'm tired of it and I'm afraid it's starting to show. As much as I hate the frequency of their "visits", I refuse to be outright disrespectful. This is the man who fathered my wife. It would hurt his feelings. I'm really trying my best not to be an asshole, but I don't know what else to do.

Help me out guys. What the hell should I do?
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:07 PM
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Print this thread out, and leave it somewhere you know they will read it.

Then deny it was your doing... just a remarkably similar coincidence.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:16 PM
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Have you gotten your wife's take on it? Maybe the two of you should sit him down and tell him that as much as you love seeing them, their unscheduled visits just aren't conducive to the schedule of your lives. Maybe try to set a scheduled day once a week to spend time together?
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:32 PM
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When my wife gave birth to our son things did not go smothly at all. Wife had hell of a time and I was a nervous wreck. The in-laws fuc----- made our home theirs and actually made matters worse. Took all I could and finally told them to pack their shit. Figure if they truly gave a shit, they would have thought about what was going on and not just their desire to railroad grandchild.

Have to use your own judgement, but know when it's time to quit being a patsey sil.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:33 PM
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Any chance you can put him to work while he's there? Get him tondo your yard work, boat work, garage clean up, whatever. It will do one of two things. 1. Piss him off and he won't come back as often. Or 2. Lighten your and your wife's home workload. When life gives you lemons...or in this case when life gives you old people, put them tonwork.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:40 PM
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Give the in-law a job to do? Good luck with that.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:54 PM
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Funny topic, I have wonderful in laws, my wife has terrible in laws. Family is tough, I will just leave you with a "good luck" as this won't go well.

I know the feeling. You think "this is my home that I pay the mortgage at"...maybe just start pretending they aren't there. Walk around nude, talk dirty to your wife like they aren't standing there....
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:08 PM
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Reading this makes me very happy my FIL lives 3000 west of me, and my MIL lives 4000 miles east. Both are great but not sure how regular weekly visits would turn out. Feel bad for my wife and her dealings with the in laws.
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:18 PM
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I wish that my Mother and my Father in-law could visit, I was blessed. RIP......
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:19 PM
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Originally Posted by eseyoung View Post
Any chance you can put him to work while he's there? Get him tondo your yard work, boat work, garage clean up, whatever. It will do one of two things. 1. Piss him off and he won't come back as often. Or 2. Lighten your and your wife's home workload. When life gives you lemons...or in this case when life gives you old people, put them tonwork.
That's a great idea but, he'll do 2-3 minutes of work, then light a smoke, kick back and tell me about how they "used to do it at Graham's, or Degussa, or somewhere else he worked." Then he'd stop me and tell me the way I should do it.
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:27 PM
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The truth is, he is a great guy. He just doesn't pay attention to subtle hints. I suppose once a week or two I could handle, but every other day is impossible.

I don't want to sound like I don't like him. I do. He will help out when we need it to a certain extent, but he's also the guy that asks you over to eat fish, then asks you to bring the fish.
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:48 PM
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If it's messing up your family you are a bigger a.h. for not fixing it. Man up and do your job.
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Old 07-08-2015, 02:42 AM
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Originally Posted by DLG4354 View Post
Ok, I don't want to come over as an asshole, but how do I tell my in laws that I'm tired of them coming over?

I mean, once a week or every other week is perfectly fine, but an average of 3-4 times a week is getting excessive and I'm about to blow the
F*{# up!

I work anywhere from 50-70 hrs./week. My wife works 50 hrs. A week. We have 8 yr old twins and she takes them to all of their extra-curricular activities, so she "works" 60 hrs./ week. Her dad is retired, so he doesn't get up at any particular time or have to be anywhere at a particular time. He and his old, chain smoking girlfriend come over when they feel like it because "The kids live on the water, and hell, we've got nothing else to do! Let's go down there!"

They never take into account that we're on a schedule. They seem to be oblivious to the fact they're a major inconvenience most of the time. They won't take a hint. I'm really starting to think they realize these facts but just don't give a shit!

I'm tired of it and I'm afraid it's starting to show. As much as I hate the frequency of their "visits", I refuse to be outright disrespectful. This is the man who fathered my wife. It would hurt his feelings. I'm really trying my best not to be an asshole, but I don't know what else to do.

Help me out guys. What the hell should I do?
You leave out the most important part, your wife. If, like you, she is not ok with it, she needs to be the one to deal with it. I am a firm believer that each spouse needs to keep their own parents in line. If she is fine with it, then you need to learn to cope, or else you and her will have problems.
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Old 07-08-2015, 02:56 AM
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1. Pic of wife.....and, heck while your at it, the FIL's chain smoking GF.

2. Sounds like a nice place you have, any problem with me coming over to hang out with the inlaws?

3. Have you considered installing an outside beer tap down near the dock?

4. Are the keys in the boat?

5. Generally speaking, when is dinner served? You're not Vegan or anything?

6. Address?
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Old 07-08-2015, 03:22 AM
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Originally Posted by pugnacious3333 View Post
You leave out the most important part, your wife. If, like you, she is not ok with it, she needs to be the one to deal with it. I am a firm believer that each spouse needs to keep their own parents in line. If she is fine with it, then you need to learn to cope, or else you and her will have problems.
She's not ok with it either, and you're right. It would be better for her to deal with it.
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Old 07-08-2015, 03:40 AM
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Try to cherish these moments, you'll look back and miss them someday. Find something in common the both of you enjoy doing and make the best of it. Heck, you may end up having them over more often. Good Luck!!!
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Old 07-08-2015, 03:45 AM
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I wish my inlaws could come over on a Mon., Wed., or Fri. They can't because my fil is on dialysis those days and he's exhausted afterwards.

I wish when they do come over that I didn't have to go out to the car and pretty much carry my mil in due to the stroke she had a yr ago.

I wish her brain allowed the dialog we once had.



Give it time, one day your inlaws health will fail and the problem will take care of itself.
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Old 07-08-2015, 03:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Jkcam View Post
1. Pic of wife.....and, heck while your at it, the FIL's chain smoking GF.

2. Sounds like a nice place you have, any problem with me coming over to hang out with the inlaws?

3. Have you considered installing an outside beer tap down near the dock?

4. Are the keys in the boat?

5. Generally speaking, when is dinner served? You're not Vegan or anything?

6. Address?
Pick me up on the way buddy...and lets get there early... I dont want to not get a good seat.
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:03 AM
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If she's not ok with it either you both have to tell them (even if she is ok and you are not). Best would be she tells them with you by her side, but they need to be told in clear (not unkind) communication. Both of you should be there when you tell them.

When my first was born I had to do that with my in-laws because they wound up pretty much being there a large percentage of the time that we were off. That might have been ok, but they are the type that need your attention while they are there. Was rare that I could actually have a conversation with my wife without their (unwanted) input. They didn't want to hear it and I'm sure it hurt their feelings, but it needed to happen to keep me and my wife from going insane. Home life and soon after the relationship with the inlaws improved a lot. I still don't care to spend time with them, but we can enjoy the times that we do get together.

If you or your wife read I would suggest the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. We discovered that not too long ago and it has helped.
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:28 AM
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I told my father-inlaw to F himself because of his religious ways, been quiet since then..
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