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Saying farewell to love lost

Old 05-13-2015, 10:27 PM
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Default Saying farewell to love lost

We met on the beach in Myrtle Beach in the summer of 1960. Our families were on vacation. We were 14 and fell in love right there. She went back to Charleston, WV and I came back to Richmond, VA. We wrote almost every day and our love only grew with each passing hour. It was the love of a lifetime.

It was a VERY special feeling in my heart - one of indescribable passion and dedication.

From then until 1967 we saw each other - though infrequently - but knew, in our hearts, that we would marry someday. In the summer of 1967, I drove to Charleston and carried the ring that would bring us closer to a life forever lasting. For reasons I will not go into, the engagement was broken a week later. I sat at the fireplace and burned all of the memories - letters, pictures - of those 7 years, while crying my heart out the whole time.

We never saw each other or spoke after that. She went on to college and I went to college and did my stint in the Navy.

I married someone else in 1969 and she married someone else in 1975 - we had both moved on but I NEVER forgot her. My marriage ended in 1994 but she remained married for 40 years. I remarried in 1997 and am still married to that wonderful woman.

While doing some poking around on the net 2 nights ago, I found her obituary. She passed away on January 19, 2015 - I think from ovarian cancer. She was almost 68. I was and still am devastated. My heart is very, very, very empty right now - especially since 48 years have passed without talking to or seeing her. That's a lot of years to wonder "what if".

I am posting this now so I will not run over the limit ... more in the next post.

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Old 05-13-2015, 10:42 PM
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... Last night, I told my current wife about this. She didn't know much about this past love, but was absolutely wonderful about listening to me, and she actually shares in my grief.

I told her that I had thought about calling the husband and offering my condolences. He has probably heard about me (years ago?), and may or may not recognize my name. I really have no idea as to how receptive he would be to my out-of-the-blue call, but feel that he MIGHT appreciate it? He lives in Northern VA.

I have even thought about asking him IF he would like to meet for lunch one day and talk about what Sandra meant to BOTH of us over her lifetime, and if he would be willing to bring some pictures of her with him that I might see. My wife isn't sure if this is the best thing to do, but she doesn't discourage it, either - the reaction won't/can't be known until I make contact, and I will go from there. I DO realize that he may NOT be receptive to this, at all, and I would (could) live with that and totally respect his decision. I know that he is most certainly still in a grieving process, and I need to consider that in my conversation.

Given what I have said, what would YOU do in this situation??? Your opinions are most appreciated. It will be one of THE most difficult phone calls I have EVER made in my life, but I feel I need to do it for peace of mind and in memory of a wonderful, wonderful woman.

I won't make the call until at least Friday.

Another pause ...

Last edited by Bruce W; 05-13-2015 at 11:00 PM.
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Old 05-13-2015, 10:49 PM
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... In closing this chapter of my life, I wish to honor Sandra with what was her favorite poem, and which became the anthem of our love. She is at peace with the Lord.

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1806 - 1861


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.


Warm regards and thank you,

Last edited by Bruce W; 05-13-2015 at 11:13 PM.
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Old 05-13-2015, 11:35 PM
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A wonderful story Bruce. I could go on about my sort of similar early teen years but there's one thing I've learned......If it wasn't meant to be, so be it. Life goes on, memories made and leave it at that. In 1967 you parted ways and a new chapter to both of your lives. I know you mean well but not knowing about her husband's feelings allow him to begin his new chapter. Your memories will always be with you. Let him be so he can cherish his memories.
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Old 05-13-2015, 11:50 PM
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Sorry to hear about your loss. I can feel your pain by the way you wrote about Sandra. I agree with Jay A. But know just what you feel.
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Old 05-14-2015, 12:07 AM
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Sorry to hear about your loss. I too have a "lost love" but the decision became the final decision with time. I see nothing good resulting from your plan. If you truly want "piece of mind" keep that door closed. You don't know what may lie behind it.
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Old 05-14-2015, 03:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Bruce W View Post
We met on the beach in Myrtle Beach in the summer of 1960. Our families were on vacation. We were 14 and fell in love right there. She went back to Charleston, WV and I came back to Richmond, VA. We wrote almost every day and our love only grew with each passing hour. It was the love of a lifetime.

It was a VERY special feeling in my heart - one of indescribable passion and dedication.

From then until 1967 we saw each other - though infrequently - but knew, in our hearts, that we would marry someday. In the summer of 1967, I drove to Charleston and carried the ring that would bring us closer to a life forever lasting. For reasons I will not go into, the engagement was broken a week later. I sat at the fireplace and burned all of the memories - letters, pictures - of those 7 years, while crying my heart out the whole time.

We never saw each other or spoke after that. She went on to college and I went to college and did my stint in the Navy.

I married someone else in 1969 and she married someone else in 1975 - we had both moved on but I NEVER forgot her. My marriage ended in 1994 but she remained married for 40 years. I remarried in 1997 and am still married to that wonderful woman.

While doing some poking around on the net 2 nights ago, I found her obituary. She passed away on January 19, 2015 - I think from ovarian cancer. She was almost 68. I was and still am devastated. My heart is very, very, very empty right now - especially since 48 years have passed without talking to or seeing her. That's a lot of years to wonder "what if".

I am posting this now so I will not run over the limit ... more in the next post.
That's some poking around.

I understand your grief but I know my wife would not be to thrilled with me doing searches for past relationships and truth be told I would not want her doing it as well.
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Old 05-14-2015, 03:41 AM
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Nothing good can come of your plan. Consider yourself lucky that your
current love is understanding enough for you to talk to her about this.
Be grateful for what you HAD. Trying to chase down "what might have been" is a fool's errand".
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:15 AM
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First- If your wife doesn't have a problem with all this, YOU have the right woman and YOU should be letting HER know that immediately and never let her forget it!!
To fawn over a past love like this to your wife is not good no matter what she tells you.
Reverse the rolls and see the other side.

Second- Acknowledge, and move on.

Third- I didn't know there was a limit to our post.

Fourth- Unanswered Prayers. If you do not know the song, give it a listen with your wife.

https://vimeo.com/17239912


.
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:22 AM
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Originally Posted by 240 LTS View Post
First- If your wife doesn't have a problem with all this, YOU have the right woman and YOU should be letting HER know that immediately and never let her forget it!!
To fawn over a past love like this to your wife is not good no matter what she tells you.
Reverse the rolls and see the other side.

...


Good advice.
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:22 AM
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Originally Posted by CJS View Post
Nothing good can come of your plan. Consider yourself lucky that your
current love is understanding enough for you to talk to her about this.
Be grateful for what you HAD. Trying to chase down "what might have been" is a fool's errand".
...This too is good advice...
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:23 AM
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Originally Posted by magua View Post
That's some poking around.

I understand your grief but I know my wife would not be to thrilled with me doing searches for past relationships and truth be told I would not want her doing it as well.
Three in a row...
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by 240 LTS View Post
First- If your wife doesn't have a problem with all this, YOU have the right woman and YOU should be letting HER know that immediately and never let her forget it!!
To fawn over a past love like this to your wife is not good no matter what she tells you.
Reverse the rolls and see the other side.

Second- Acknowledge, and move on.

Third- I didn't know there was a limit to our post.

Fourth- Unanswered Prayers. If you do not know the song, give it a listen with your wife.

https://vimeo.com/17239912


.
.
This
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:27 AM
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When my I was a young man, my dad told me there are some things you should keep to yourself. This is one of them.

Cherish your memories, but don't unload them in another man.
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:31 AM
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I don't see the need to further torture yourself. Which you might do by having the conversation with her husband.

You should take her passing as a sign that everything possible with her is over....and move on.

My early years of adolescence contained a few "true loves". I, too wonder about them periodically. I also scan the local obits and wonder about several of them from time to time. That may just be something we do as we age and see others our age who are passing. It certainly makes one thing perfectly clear. One of these days my name will be on those pages. It makes it easier to live for today and love those who love me.

Good luck with your recovery.
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:32 AM
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wow!! quite the story!! sorry for your loss,,,,
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:34 AM
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You've idealized Sandra and the relationship you might have had in your mind for many years and it is that idealized person you are in love with. Doesn't make it any less powerful or emotional, for sure.

Don't contact the grieving husband. Be thankful for the great, passionate love you've enjoyed in your life - and the one you are lucky to have now with your very understanding wife.
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Old 05-14-2015, 04:37 AM
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I agree with everyone else. Keep it to yourself. If you want send flowers to her grave or make a donation to cancer research. The unanswered prayers song is a good one.
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Old 05-14-2015, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by airedog View Post
Sorry to hear about your loss. I too have a "lost love" but the decision became the final decision with time. I see nothing good resulting from your plan. If you truly want "piece of mind" keep that door closed. You don't know what may lie behind it.
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Old 05-14-2015, 05:15 AM
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Also no matter how "understanding" your current spouse is or says she is. Your spouse cant be happy your searching old loves on the computer, no matter what she says to your face. Talking to a widowed husband about times you spent with his wife would be a bit "creepy" (sorry for the harsh word, cant think of anything else).

Sorry this event has affected you so much, best of luck to you and be happy for such a wonderful current wife..
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