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International Rules of Manhood

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Old 11-29-2005, 10:40 AM
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Default International Rules of Manhood

I stole this from another site, but it was way too good to not pass on. #24's got to be my favorite.


01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella


02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.


03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.


04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.


05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.


06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.


07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.


08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel
..and it's free.


12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.


20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!


22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
if necessary.


24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever.
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Old 11-29-2005, 11:13 AM
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Default RE: International Rules of Manhood

Auto, thanks for posting..that is some funny s--t...
#10 is a winner
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:05 PM
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Default Re: International Rules of Manhood

Thanks for the post - there's some good ones there. But I disagree with number 5, if she walks she's fair game a friend just has to understand that basic rule.
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:16 PM
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Nicely done...
 
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:24 PM
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Default Re: International Rules of Manhood

Number 12 is a good one........but only if I would have known that one sooner
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:32 PM
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Default Re: International Rules of Manhood

Garett - 11/29/2005 12:05 PM

Thanks for the post - there's some good ones there. But I disagree with number 5, if she walks she's fair game a friend just has to understand that basic rule.
nah, it's kinda dirty to pursue banging your friends sister, especially his little sister. Now, if she pursues you, that's fair game any way you look at it, but no rubbing it in your friends face, and you better be prepaired to be a "true gentleman".
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Old 11-29-2005, 02:13 PM
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I had the whole office rolling as I read those out loud..
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Old 11-29-2005, 02:26 PM
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Chances are if you take out the sister that you and your friend will have to eventually duke it out. Just a law of nature that can not be avoided.
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Old 11-29-2005, 03:25 PM
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Very funny. #8 is why I will NEVER take a road trip with Thubert...
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Old 11-29-2005, 04:12 PM
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broncobirdy - 11/29/2005 3:25 PM

Very funny. #8 is why I will NEVER take a road trip with Thubert...


He would make you hold out for 1200 ml's / 1200 cc's
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Old 11-29-2005, 05:45 PM
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Default Re: International Rules of Manhood

Those are funny, but #1 takes the cake for me. Fewer things are probably more awkward than trying to squeeze up next to a buddy to share an umbrella. In my world, only one person gets to stay dry.
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Old 11-29-2005, 06:39 PM
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Correction to #4.

A friend will bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting there beside you saying "Dam, that was fun!!!".
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Old 11-29-2005, 09:52 PM
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Great set of rules.
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Old 11-30-2005, 09:50 AM
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Default Re: International Rules of Manhood

Good stuff.
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