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New BFF, what to do?

Old 12-01-2014, 01:12 PM
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Default New BFF, what to do?

I've never been even remotely in this situation and need some tactful help.

I'm looking into getting a boat when I happen upon a salesman at a dealership, a nice guy, but a bit stiff, not a typical salesman IMO, he seems to be honest and forthcoming. I like him as a sales person but he doesn't strike me as someone I want to pal around with, the thought doesn't even enter my mind until we discover that we live a few blocks from one another.

He has my contact info and he forwards his to me via e-mail, I didn't buy a boat from him or any other place yet as I'm still just kicking tires, which I made clear upfront.

Ever since we met he's been looking to go fishing, boating, whatever with me. He's from another country and I figured maybe he doesn't have any or many friends so I've always been polite with his offers. He dropped by one day by boat (my house is not on the way to the fishing grounds) and caught me fixing up my gear, so I went along with him and showed him a few spots he should try, we dropped a couple of lines and chatted.

We had a couple in the box when we headed back in, he offers to lend me his boat any time and tells me where he keeps his key. I told him I'd never take advantage of the offer and that he now should relocate his key. I hoped that would let him know we weren't going to be best buds, but no, he reaches out to me again as the season is winding down and offers to hit the water, I declined the offer and went on with my life.

This past weekend he calls me and asks if I'll be home with the family as they have a "welcome to the neighborhood gift" for us. I tell him we'd be out and that we've been living in the neighborhood longer then he has. In a joking manner I said "You've been very nice with your offers and no gift was ever needed to solidify our friendship, we're neighbors and I don't mind doing neighborly things, but gifts are not part of what I do with my neighbors."

He comes back with, "No worries if you won't be home, I'll just leave it on your deck."

It's almost like he didn't hear me. When we got home later that night there was gifts for my kids wife and I all stacked up on the back deck. I almost brought them back to him, but my wife talked me out of it and I sent him an e-mail thanking him and telling him that I would not be accepting gifts from him in the future as it wasn't in my makeup to reciprocate and it made me feel obligated.

He replied to the e-mail saying, not a problem, we're friends and that the gifts were small tokens from a friend.

Gee Whiz, what in the world to do? Help is needed.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:14 PM
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You know what you must do. Post pics of his wife (in the Sandbar). Email him the link. That should do it.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:18 PM
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Give him my address.....
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:19 PM
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This
Is
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(10 pages)
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:22 PM
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Tell him since yall are so close now, you want to come out of the closet and he is your one and only












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Old 12-01-2014, 01:23 PM
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You are being controlled.

It's because you don't want to be confrontational.

Controlling people require you to confront them before they stop trying to control you.

They also will blame you for the confrontation as if you were the aggressor.

You have no choice but to move.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:25 PM
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I would rent "The Cable Guy" and rethink your next move.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:26 PM
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Cable Guy....

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Old 12-01-2014, 01:29 PM
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Stalking 101.......Make the victim feel obligated.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:36 PM
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Just invite him over for a late night hot tub session and end the tension

I would have returned the gifts. Sounds like he wants to either bang you or sell you a boat real bad or both.

We had an issue like this with a next door neighbor last year. High rise Condo build and she was right next door. crazy liberal person. My wife tried to set boundaries with the woman but she didn't get the hint. I'm not one to hold back and the lady knew I didn't like her. She would knock on our door only when she knew my car was gone but my wife's was in the parking lot.

I ended up telling everybody I could in the building I thought she was bat shit crazy. We also had a party and didn't invite her. She finally got the hint. We through another party the weekend after she moved out also.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:37 PM
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drink all his beer - knock his wife --daughter- sister- cousin- -up-- borrow 500 dollars from him - dont pay it back --
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:52 PM
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Sleep on your back.
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Old 12-01-2014, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by YFMF View Post
... need some tactful help.
Wrong forum, sorry.

Originally Posted by YFMF View Post
... there was gifts for my kids wife and I all stacked up on the back deck.
So, who got the thong, you or the Mrs?
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:02 PM
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send him a email with the link to this thread!
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by CJS View Post
Stalking 101.......Make the victim feel obligated.
Yep. The longer you wait to tell him to go away, the worse it will be when you do.

You wouldn't be posting this story if the situation didn't worry you. So...

I read a good book: The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. His message...There are times when people behave in a way that makes you a bit fearful- pay attention to that signal!! It's a sign that something is wrong, even if you're not sure what.

De Becker is the CEO of a large, private security firm. Dealing with stalkers is a major part of his business.

Last edited by yarcraft91; 12-01-2014 at 02:25 PM.
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:11 PM
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At least you will get the "friends and family discount" at the dealership now
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by YFMF View Post
I've never been even remotely in this situation and need some tactful help.

I'm looking into getting a boat when I happen upon a salesman at a dealership, a nice guy, but a bit stiff, not a typical salesman IMO, he seems to be honest and forthcoming. I like him as a sales person but he doesn't strike me as someone I want to pal around with, the thought doesn't even enter my mind until we discover that we live a few blocks from one another.

He has my contact info and he forwards his to me via e-mail, I didn't buy a boat from him or any other place yet as I'm still just kicking tires, which I made clear upfront.

Ever since we met he's been looking to go fishing, boating, whatever with me. He's from another country and I figured maybe he doesn't have any or many friends so I've always been polite with his offers. He dropped by one day by boat (my house is not on the way to the fishing grounds) and caught me fixing up my gear, so I went along with him and showed him a few spots he should try, we dropped a couple of lines and chatted.

We had a couple in the box when we headed back in, he offers to lend me his boat any time and tells me where he keeps his key. I told him I'd never take advantage of the offer and that he now should relocate his key. I hoped that would let him know we weren't going to be best buds, but no, he reaches out to me again as the season is winding down and offers to hit the water, I declined the offer and went on with my life.

This past weekend he calls me and asks if I'll be home with the family as they have a "welcome to the neighborhood gift" for us. I tell him we'd be out and that we've been living in the neighborhood longer then he has. In a joking manner I said "You've been very nice with your offers and no gift was ever needed to solidify our friendship, we're neighbors and I don't mind doing neighborly things, but gifts are not part of what I do with my neighbors."

He comes back with, "No worries if you won't be home, I'll just leave it on your deck."

It's almost like he didn't hear me. When we got home later that night there was gifts for my kids wife and I all stacked up on the back deck. I almost brought them back to him, but my wife talked me out of it and I sent him an e-mail thanking him and telling him that I would not be accepting gifts from him in the future as it wasn't in my makeup to reciprocate and it made me feel obligated.

He replied to the e-mail saying, not a problem, we're friends and that the gifts were small tokens from a friend.

Gee Whiz, what in the world to do? Help is needed.
Your first major f' up with this guy. You allowed him to impose.
Like Chrispnet said you are gonna have to be ugly to this guy now to get the message across.
In the mean time maybe you'll get lucky and he'll get run over by a train before you have to confront him.
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:17 PM
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You said he was from another country and that might be traditional for them to act that way. My daughter has a Japanese friend and when we have invited her to a birthday party and over to play they always bring food. They own a small take out place and I feel bad taking the food. We had a party and we placed an order with them for appetizers and I took cash because I knew this might be an issue. They didn't want to take my money so I finally had to tell them that while I appreciate the offers I was not comfortable taking food without paying. He finally agreed to give me a 15% discount which I said was not necessary but I would accept his gratitude.

Maybe you need to step back from the situation and figure out a polite way to tell him how you feel. Is the guy really that bad to hang out with? They are in a strange land and seems he wants to fit in so I'd give him some slack. If it gets too bad then sever your ties with them.
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted by bjm9818 View Post
Just invite him over for a late night hot tub session and end the tension
What does BJM stand for?
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Old 12-01-2014, 02:27 PM
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what country is the dude from? married?
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