Go Back  The Hull Truth - Boating and Fishing Forum > BOATING FORUMS > Dockside Chat
Reload this Page >

Tough parenting call, advice needed.

Notices

Tough parenting call, advice needed.

Old 10-26-2014, 09:20 AM
  #1  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: St. Pete
Posts: 3,277
Default Tough parenting call, advice needed.

As some of you may recall, my son witnessed another rider die on the mx track back in May. My son got past that tragic event and has been riding really well of late. This past Thursday evening, it happened again.

The May incident was truly a freak accident. Thursday's was simply a kid going very, very fast, missing a triple by a couple feet......a pretty regular deal. Additionally, the recent incident involved a kid from my son's high school. My wife and I have been taking food etc. to the the grieving parents. I cannot imagine being in their shoes.

My son wakes up this morning and wants to go to the track. My wife is trying to be objective, but mommies are mommies. I am torn to pieces. I hurt my son if I take him off the bike. I could lose him if I leave him on the bike. He is 15 and is truly a wonderful young man.

The simple question is: Wtf do we do as parents? Thanks in advance.
tokinred is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 09:27 AM
  #2  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Saint Amant Louisiana
Posts: 3,017
Default

Certainly can't answer for you, but I would think a conversation about mom's feelings right now might help. With a predetermined amount of time beforehand, this is a an opportuniyt for him to realize he may want to repect his mom's wished right now........make it about mom .......not riding again......

I would think most young men would want to give mom some wide hash marks for a week or two
wdkerek is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 09:27 AM
  #3  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Central, Florida
Posts: 1,506
Default

Just random thoughts you probably have already had..
Let him ride but push and or try to let him find another hobby without being to obvious. When he finds it, get him hooked....buy him the best the hobby has to offer.
Does he have a girlfriend? that would end the dirt bike riding quick...
kurttruk is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 09:29 AM
  #4  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Out west
Posts: 3,298
Default

Why would you "hurt" your son by taking him off the bike? Anymore than "hurting" him by denying him any other dangerous behavior.

20 years from now your son will appreciate the boundaries you set for him when he was 15. And, he won't be dead or have a broken neck or back.

Man up. Be a responsible parent. He's all you got.
dssmith is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 09:31 AM
  #5  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Garett's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 24,161
Default

.

Last edited by Garett; 11-03-2014 at 08:27 AM.
Garett is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 09:55 AM
  #6  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Lewes, DE
Posts: 10,290
Default

Originally Posted by tokinred View Post
As some of you may recall, my son witnessed another rider die on the mx track back in May. My son got past that tragic event and has been riding really well of late. This past Thursday evening, it happened again.

The May incident was truly a freak accident. Thursday's was simply a kid going very, very fast, missing a triple by a couple feet......a pretty regular deal. Additionally, the recent incident involved a kid from my son's high school. My wife and I have been taking food etc. to the the grieving parents. I cannot imagine being in their shoes.

My son wakes up this morning and wants to go to the track. My wife is trying to be objective, but mommies are mommies. I am torn to pieces. I hurt my son if I take him off the bike. I could lose him if I leave him on the bike. He is 15 and is truly a wonderful young man.

The simple question is: Wtf do we do as parents? Thanks in advance.
Were both events on the same track? Is it possibly a track issue.

If you trust him as a responsible rider, don't take him off the bike. The bike is what is helping him overcome the issue in a healthy manner. Taking him off the bike is punishing him for another's poor judgement.
TorFed is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:10 AM
  #7  
Senior Member
 
Barnacled's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lower, AL
Posts: 5,185
Default

Thoughts are with you.
I have no advice but pray you find the right decision.
Barnacled is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:14 AM
  #8  
Admirals ClubCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER Admiral's Club Member
THT sponsor
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: (snowbird in training) Lake Erie Un-salted water and shark free!
Posts: 6,733
Default

Originally Posted by Barnacled View Post
Thoughts are with you.
I have no advice but pray you find the right decision.
X2

Does he have another interest that you can try to develop and steer him in another direction? Tough call...
Classic25 is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:17 AM
  #9  
Senior Member
 
Eastport205's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Brick, NJ
Posts: 3,509
Default

Very tough call indeed, so many inherent dangers involved, much like football. I think you have to look at the "worst case scenario" and the likelihood of it happening. Football nowadays it seems that concussions and broken bones are the "worst case scenario's" with a high likelihood of happening. If I had a son I would be leery of letting him play because of this. Your son has seen the worst case scenario happen right before his eyes, twice. He could be "manning up" because of the bond he knows it has created between you two.

There are many things you two can bond with. The worst case scenario is every parents worst nightmare. You have a major decision to make here with your wife. I would base my decision on that worst case scenario and the likelihood of it happening.
Eastport205 is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:36 AM
  #10  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Asheville, NC
Posts: 1,476
Default

I'm sure you knew of the risks before he got into MX. Don't quit just because you have seen those risks played out. Learn from the deceased mistakes.
NCummins is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:36 AM
  #11  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Lewes, DE
Posts: 10,290
Default

Ok, odds are nothing that bad happens, he may get a broken leg, but deaths are rare.

If you take the bike, you risk taking your son's greatest passion away and driving an irreparable wedge between you.

Somewhat similar event in my life. When I was 13 I got attacked by a 6' bull shark (according to the fishermen on the jetty, I never got a good look). I was fortunate it didn't bite me, just rammed me with a full head of steam, nearly breaking my leg. I was on crutches for a week. My parents were worried, but let me keep surfing and I was in the water as soon as I could walk without assistance.

If they told me I couldn't surf, I don't know what would have happened, but I know none of it would be good.
TorFed is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 10:40 AM
  #12  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Gretna, LA, USA
Posts: 6,234
Default

Tough issue, but maybe you could offer to buy him a small fishing boat that he could use to learn something that could use the rest of his life, unlike MX.
trout25red is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 11:31 AM
  #13  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: St. Pete
Posts: 3,277
Default

Thanks guys. We have been talking on and off since he got up. Gordo called and spent nearly a half hour helping me think through this mess.....thank you, sir. We are still not sure what to do.

Wife and I are making a big casserole for the kid's family, and we will deliver it as a family. I love the sport like no other. I hate the risks with an equal passion. Thanks for listening and taking time to share your thoughts.
tokinred is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 12:12 PM
  #14  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,160
Default

It's a tough call only you and your wife can make.

But I will offer some perspective from your son's side. I started racing powerboats at age 12. I drove until I was 18 and a the surgeon that fixed a severe eye injury stemming from a racquet ball said I had to sit out a few years. I continued as a crewman and / or crewchief up into the professional ranks until my late twenties.

I was exposed to my first racing death within weeks of joining the sport. Over the years I lost several close friends, and many more people I knew to racing related accidents. I don't think I (or my parents) ever contemplated quitting because of it.. Racing is part of who I am. On the other side of the coin from the danger, is the challenge of competition, the pursuit of excellence, and the focus (both of the machine and your mind) to pushing yourself out to the the very edge.

You learn from the accident, mourn the loss, and you get back on the horse - or you decide that to you personally the risk does not equal the reward, and you get out. There really isn't a middle ground. The doubt or fear that exists in that middle ground will cloud your focus, affect your decision process, and get you or someone else hurt. Your son has had to learn this lesson very early, and it appears that he has what it takes to analyze the situation, internalize what is learned from the event, and choose to move forward. If I were to vote, I think you should support his decision - and that is to get back on the horse very quickly. Doing so is an important part of healing from the situation.

I get that many people think any kid racing anything is crazy / stupid / irresponsible - it is the normal response from non-racers. But for all the years I raced I have only a few scars . . . . but the worst thing to happen to me was caused by teenagers screwing around with a racquetball. Go figure.

Whether your son rides for his youth and moves on, or continues well into his life, he will find in middle age most of his oldest friends came from racing, and he will carry positive things he learned into every part of his life.

Good luck.
Design59 is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 12:54 PM
  #15  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: St. Pete
Posts: 3,277
Default

I was hoping you'd take the time to post, D59. Wife and I are working through it. Dalton already has it worked out. Great thanks for your experience, wisdom and willingness to share them.
tokinred is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 01:20 PM
  #16  
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 20
Default

I'm a licensed motorcycle roadracer since '94....but am slowly going into retirement. Hence the new Harley and becoming a lst time boat owner a few months ago.

Have you looked into roadracing motorcycles? The consensus is that it is much safer although speeds are greater. Most competitive roadracers have a dirty bike history.

There are several roadracing organizations across the country...WERA and CCS are multi regional.

There are classes for all age groups and skill levels. Supermotos would be perfect for an aspiring 15 yr old.

Here's a little inspiration. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EglLi6nZnZU
motoracerx is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 01:28 PM
  #17  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 278
Default

My son and I did the MX thing together for a while. Every time we went to the track, seemed like someone was being taken away in an ambulance or a helicopter. When my son turned 16 and got his drivers license and a truck, his interests turned to other things and we quit going to the track. Thankful that neither of us had any severe mishaps.

If your son is really attached to riding offroad, you might try to interest him in Hare Scrambles. Tight trail riding races that are kind of like enduros, but shorter and faster. Much less dangerous than a MX track, IMO.

You may already belong, but Florida Trail Riders is a great family oriented organization that has all kinds of events throughout the year, all over the state. My son and I were members. Great times, great people. You might even like to get involved in some of the activities yourself.
BuilderBob is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 01:29 PM
  #18  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 278
Default

Originally Posted by motoracerx View Post
Supermotos would be perfect for an aspiring 15 yr old.

Here's a little inspiration. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EglLi6nZnZU
Now there's a good suggestion too!
BuilderBob is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 01:40 PM
  #19  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,160
Default

Good ideas about continuing racing, but in another format.
Former World Champion Scott Gilman came to our sport from Motocross as a compromise with family concerns. There is certainly something to be said for strapping into the safety cell or cage, as opposed to being exposed on a bike. The road racing bikes look very challenging, but i don't know enough about it to really have an opinion.
Design59 is offline  
Old 10-26-2014, 01:49 PM
  #20  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: WPB, Fl.
Posts: 10,308
Default

A coworker`s brother road races. He either wins or wrecks or so it seems.

It is amazing just how extreme motorsport has become. I wanted to race so badly when I was young.
I was offered a job working for DXK who designed and fabbed the record holding formula 3 chassis at the time. Bob had seen me on my go cart and around town. I knew I would get in the seat for a shot.
I was squashed. I still wonder what if sometimes. I also understood their concern. If I had died doing what I loved, I would have been ok with my decision. Mom would most assuredly not have shared my belief.

I had a roofing accident after Wilma and now feel and walk like an old racer.

Talk with him about it. Include your wife in the conversations.


Cheers,
GFS
gofastsandman is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread