Tough time, tough decisions

Old 03-29-2014, 07:07 PM
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There are some truly incredible people that work at hospice. I would ask for their recommendations and see what they have to say. While you may not like their answers at first, listen to what they say and think on it a bit.

When my father was 67 he drove down to the library one day (he was an avid reader) and forgot how to get there. He returned home and had difficulty remembering how to open the door. My mom knew something was wrong. It was brain cancer and was given 6-12 months. He lasted 9.

It was tough seeing him in hospice, especially when they had him doped up, but the doctor made a good point. He told me that everyone wants to see their loved ones as lucid as possible, even if it's not in the best interest of the patient. We are all selfish without realizing it. The doctor only gave him enough to make him comfortable, but unfortunately once he was in the later stages, more and more medication was needed to keep him pain free, which kept him "out of it" most of the time.

It was very hard to separate what we wanted (keep him with us as long as possible) as opposed to what would be the best for him (keep him from being in constant pain). He worked so hard all of his life, and now that he was retired, he adored my daughter, his only grandchild, only 1 year old at the time. It killed me to know that he'd never see her walk, and she would most likely forget him before long.

The sounds of labored breathing on that final day as a person's body begins to shut down is a sound I will never forget, but at least I have no regrets that we were able to put our selfish feelings aside and do whatever needed to be done to make him comfortable, as opposed to what made us comfortable. That was in 2005 and it's still difficult to talk about.

The people at hospice can look at this more objectively than we can, and if you ask, they will tell you what they would do. It's going to be difficult no matter what they choose. I wish you guys the best of luck from the bottom of my heart.
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:28 PM
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Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!
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Old 03-29-2014, 08:10 PM
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prayers with you!
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Old 03-29-2014, 08:33 PM
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You have a tough job, be strong, this group is thinking of you.

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Old 03-29-2014, 08:36 PM
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I lost my Mom to breast cancer when she was 62. It was very hard to watch her going down hill. The one thing I can tell you for sure from talking with her is that people deal with their mortality long before their family does. My Mom knew she was going to die and had come to terms with it and knew the hardship she was causing everyone and really just wanted that to be over.

God speed and prayers to you and your family.
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:08 AM
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I had a similar situation with my mother. Decided to let her go. They kept her comfortable and out of pain, but withheld feeding and water and she passed after about 4 days. When its time, its time, and be comforted in the life they did have, and your time with them.
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Old 03-30-2014, 03:27 AM
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Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. This is a tough road your on now, but without quality of life who wants quantity? Just stick together and lean on each other. We went through something similar with my dad and my father in law. Both strong, active guys brought down way too soon. The last few days are hard, try to remember the good times and stick with family and friends.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:15 AM
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Prayers to the entire family.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:16 AM
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That is tough. All the best. Prayers for your family.
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:11 AM
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Mike, all the prayers for the family. Keeping you guys in our prayers through all of the tough times.

Walter used to cut my hair too. Gonna be a tough chair to fill. Nothing like reading your first playboy at the age of 10 at the barbershop! God, I love Lafayette.
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Old 03-30-2014, 06:22 PM
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Originally Posted by allureobx View Post
may the lord be with her

God bless my friend
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:16 AM
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Well, it's over. The IVs were removed Sunday and she was discharged from the hospital and back to the nursing home. She's been asleep for the most part since Thursday. She last spoke Wednesday. Early this AM MIL called to say her breathing was labored and she would take three short breaths and then stop for a bit. Ten minutes later, 7 AM, she called back to say she was gone. The waiting has been hell on the family. Now we can all move on and SIL is free at last. We'll grieve and go on with our lives and remember her.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:36 AM
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Prayers to you and your family. Be strong and take comfort that the pain and suffering is nearing the end for your loved one. She will be in a better place soon. For me, living like that is not living. I have told everyone that would be shouldered with the burden of making the tough decisions that they should let me go in a situation like this. Prolonging the suffering to prolong vital functions is not what I want. Just breathing and having a pulse isn't being alive to me.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:43 AM
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Prayers for you and all of your family.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:35 AM
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God Bless you all.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:44 AM
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Prayers for you and your family. One of the hardest things in life is watching someone slowly slip away.
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:51 AM
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Prayers sent. Sorry for you and your families loss.
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Old 04-02-2014, 10:18 AM
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Prayers sent. My condolense on your loss
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