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Lost a friend last week to addiction.. Gambling

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Lost a friend last week to addiction.. Gambling

Old 03-02-2014, 02:34 PM
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Unhappy Lost a friend last week to addiction.. Gambling

Still bothering me as we speak. Hunting and fishing buddies for 3 years, every week getting into some fish or shootin birds or deer or crabbing.

All started when he borrowed money from a close friend in our group of friends to cover his car payment, never paid him back. Called on it months later swears he paid him, direct deposited it in his checking has receipts, etc. Says he's gonna make It right, months later still no repayment. That was my first sign.

Then other friends in our group ask where he's been, finally stating he owes a booky 2 grand for some time now, and booky not happy.

Turns out he was best buds with my now brother in law in high school, I reunite them about 3 years ago when I had first started getting closer to him, all is well. Good times beach boats hunting fishing women etc, total comedian of a guy, straight shooter, take his shirt of his back for you no matter what kind of guy. Always had 100's stacked in his wallet, always treated or paid his way.

This past November my brother inlaw introduces him to his best buddy, who is unfortunately a professional gambler. Next thing you know he's in on his account "because he does cash only doesn't do debit/credit on these booky websites. Leaves the state for a week of work, racks up a 7 thousand dollar debt betting after work I guess, brother in laws buddy calls says hey booky needs that 7k , he says he won't be home for 4 more days due to work, brother in laws buddy covers the debt, says ok just get up with me when you get home Sunday. (Mid December) my buddy says no big deal, have the cash on me we will square up.

Sunday comes and goes. My buddy's phone has been off since that Sunday and remains off, and he has ran away and burned two very close friendships showing his true colors, my brother in laws and mine.

What makes this even worse, is I get married in may, and he was supposed to be standing next to me at the alter as one of my groomsmen.

With no way of contacting him and giving him 3 months to square things up and make them right, I finally had to contact his child's (who calls me uncle) mother and have her relay the message that he is no longer a groomsmen, or a friend basically.

Makes me second guess every story he has told about money, his car catching on fire, bailing a family member out of jail, his bank screwing up his account and he has no money to cover fishing expenses. Etc.

I'm a real good guy with my head on my shoulders and a great family and a pretty good judge of character and person, I let him in, way in, I feel so deceived, so blind, and feel that I am letting go instead of helping. I know nothing about gambling but the commercials you see about gambling help etc.

Due to the outstanding debt to multiple friends who will be at my wedding and a close friend of my brother in laws on top of it, I had to cut him lose even though I would have never known had this debt with brother in laws buddy not have happened. Can't have tension at my wedding and or fist fights, the more I think about it, I don't think he would have showed regardless because he owes these friends at wedding thousands as well.

Sucks.
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Old 03-02-2014, 02:42 PM
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good riddance
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Old 03-02-2014, 02:55 PM
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I think you did right. Had a similar situation. Freind of close to twenty years burned me for a large sum of money. He was down and I thought I'd help him even though I new his problems. I went in on a deal with him with the agreement that I was supposed to be in charge of the money and we would split the work and the profit. I had the shop, he brought the client (his friend). He somehow wrangled the money out of the client and then disappeared. I finished the boat without him and without the money.

In the end, you are better off without him as a friend. You can't fix him and you can't help him, he has to help himself.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:04 PM
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Best of luck.

Tough to let go, but sometimes you have to save yourself if you can't save them.

Sounds like you got it figured out.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:14 PM
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Now it's time for a new chapter in your life.

Last edited by Garett; 03-10-2014 at 09:11 PM.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:21 PM
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Addicts will break your heart. Move on, which you seem to be doing.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:21 PM
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Lick your wounds, be better prepared for the next time (which means there won't be a next time) move forward. It happens to the best of us, be thanksful it didn't cost you more.

Best of luck.

I assume you know where he lives, works etc. I'd pay him a visit just to answer the questions in my head. You won't like them but it may give you something to move forward with.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:32 PM
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Good riddance to the guy. There are too many good people in this world to worry yourself with idiots.
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Old 03-02-2014, 04:51 PM
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In the end you really did not lose much.
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Old 03-02-2014, 05:04 PM
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Best friend growing up did me wrong too. Always made excuses for him, he missed my wedding at the Church and showed up drunk and high at the reception. Said he overslept even though the wedding was at 2pm. He met a skank, she got him into Coke and I helped him avoid dealing charges the first arrest by working with our narc unit. He went from living in 8,000 sq/ft house on the river to State Prison in 2 years. Always contacted me to apologize when he was released and I told him I could no longer associate with him since he is a convicted felon. This was my best friend growing up and was never a drug user. Started when he was 21 and is now a three time loser working at a pizza joint without a pot to piss in. I learned you can't save addicts from their problems and cut all ties asap because they will backstab you in a heartbeat no matter how close you were at one time.

Funny how we were so close when we were young and polar opposites later in life? A SWAT/K-9 officer best friends with a Cocaine Trafficker! Would make a good movie I guess?
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Old 03-02-2014, 05:22 PM
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First off your story sounds more like a teenage girl breaking up with her boyfriend. Sh1t happens move on.

By the way I think he dumped you when he basically fell of the map.
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Old 03-02-2014, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Saltydawg15 View Post
First off your story sounds more like a teenage girl breaking up with her boyfriend. Sh1t happens move on.

By the way I think he dumped you when he basically fell of the map.

I have an idea !!! you MOVE ON! Folks here have a heart and if that is the best you can give,,
well then I'd see you in the Bilge. It has come to those, pretty easy, to sit behind their keyboard and give their worthless two cents. Or in your case, worthless two sense.
Back to your basket weaving. "DOG"
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Old 03-02-2014, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Saltydawg15 View Post
First off your story sounds more like a teenage girl breaking up with her boyfriend. Sh1t happens move on.

By the way I think he dumped you when he basically fell of the map.
x2.

OP, you didn't lose a friend. You never were one. You were a mark. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better off you'll be.
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Old 03-02-2014, 09:10 PM
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Why do we post on THT? There are a gazillion reasons. One of these reasons is to get feedback on important, personal things that happen in our lives. Because most of us hide behind fake user names, we can be brutally honest about these personal things while still protecting our privacy.

Even though we're protected, it's still difficult to talk about some subjects. Like the OP's subject, where he lost a dear friend to addiction. I applaud the OP for his honesty and courage. I boo those who would criticize the OP for doing everything right and admitting to it in a semi-public manner. Why do we criticize people for being honest, especially when they have done nothing wrong?

To approach this post from a different direction, other than a $400 million lottery ticket, I don't gamble. Yet, I am a regular at one of Broward county's casinos, cuz I go there maybe 5-6 times per month. I am on a first name basis with a dozen bartenders and cocktail waitresses. I meet people there all the time.

OP, I see the gambling addicts. I know their names and they know mine. I have seen how they are. How they constantly think they are just a single play away from hitting the big time. Just a bit more luck and they'll get that last card and things will be okay.

Yet, they are never okay. Even after they do hit it big, which they do.

I know a guy. He is some kind of super mechanic or something from 9-5. From 5:01 to 8:59, he belongs to the casino. He no longer has a home. He has dropped from 200lbs to about 120lbs, yet still wears the same clothes as he did at 200. He is a total gambling addict. There is no more powerful force on his life than gambling. Not his job. Not his mother. Not God. His friends? Niggra, please!

OP, you MUST understand that there was ZERO you could have done to change your friend. He is lost to you. You did nothing wrong. There is absolutely nothing you could do to help your friend. The monkey on your friend's back is far, far, far more powerful than your love for your friend. Because of your friend's addiction, your friendship didn't stand a chance.

Not only is it okay for you to have kicked your friend to the curb, this is the best thing you could do for yourself and for him. It's best for you, cuz you get out as early as possible without screwing up your emotions even more. It's best for him, cuz the ONLY thing that has a chance of improving your friend is when he hits absolute zero. That's when he has zero money, zero ability to obtain money, and zero friends/family to bail him out. Even then, you should act supportive in /word/, but offer nothing more than emotional support and good will. He will lie to you- ignore the lie, wish him the best, pledge your emotional support, but NEVER give him money or a hand up. He has to earn those things on his own. Hug him, pray for him, but don't pay his cab fare. Not a single dollar from your pocket!!!

Good luck! Treat him with tough love.

==>Rapi
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Old 03-03-2014, 04:39 AM
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Did the guy die?

When you said you "lost" a friend, I assume it meant he had died.

He's still out there somewhere, he don't care enough about his friends to do the right thing. They ain't no way in hell I'd pay off 1 red cent of gambling debt for him, even before he ran away. Generally speaking people who lie, lie about everything.
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Old 03-03-2014, 05:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Rapi View Post
Why do we post on THT? There are a gazillion reasons. One of these reasons is to get feedback on important, personal things that happen in our lives. Because most of us hide behind fake user names, we can be brutally honest about these personal things while still protecting our privacy.

Even though we're protected, it's still difficult to talk about some subjects. Like the OP's subject, where he lost a dear friend to addiction. I applaud the OP for his honesty and courage. I boo those who would criticize the OP for doing everything right and admitting to it in a semi-public manner. Why do we criticize people for being honest, especially when they have done nothing wrong?

To approach this post from a different direction, other than a $400 million lottery ticket, I don't gamble. Yet, I am a regular at one of Broward county's casinos, cuz I go there maybe 5-6 times per month. I am on a first name basis with a dozen bartenders and cocktail waitresses. I meet people there all the time.

OP, I see the gambling addicts. I know their names and they know mine. I have seen how they are. How they constantly think they are just a single play away from hitting the big time. Just a bit more luck and they'll get that last card and things will be okay.

Yet, they are never okay. Even after they do hit it big, which they do.

I know a guy. He is some kind of super mechanic or something from 9-5. From 5:01 to 8:59, he belongs to the casino. He no longer has a home. He has dropped from 200lbs to about 120lbs, yet still wears the same clothes as he did at 200. He is a total gambling addict. There is no more powerful force on his life than gambling. Not his job. Not his mother. Not God. His friends? Niggra, please!

OP, you MUST understand that there was ZERO you could have done to change your friend. He is lost to you. You did nothing wrong. There is absolutely nothing you could do to help your friend. The monkey on your friend's back is far, far, far more powerful than your love for your friend. Because of your friend's addiction, your friendship didn't stand a chance.

Not only is it okay for you to have kicked your friend to the curb, this is the best thing you could do for yourself and for him. It's best for you, cuz you get out as early as possible without screwing up your emotions even more. It's best for him, cuz the ONLY thing that has a chance of improving your friend is when he hits absolute zero. That's when he has zero money, zero ability to obtain money, and zero friends/family to bail him out. Even then, you should act supportive in /word/, but offer nothing more than emotional support and good will. He will lie to you- ignore the lie, wish him the best, pledge your emotional support, but NEVER give him money or a hand up. He has to earn those things on his own. Hug him, pray for him, but don't pay his cab fare. Not a single dollar from your pocket!!!

Good luck! Treat him with tough love.

==>Rapi
Thank you for that.
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Old 03-03-2014, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted by yarcraft91 View Post
Addicts will break your heart. Move on, which you seem to be doing.
Yes they will...outside of a different caliber of people, the OP described my brother.

I am into him to the tune of nearly 10K, he broke me mothers heart, and is now on the run from the police for kiting stolen checks from his ex-wife. All of this AFTER he spent almost two years in prison.

I love him very much...but I do not like him very much. I have finally just had to turn off my heart and drive forward with my own life and challenges. Hard, very hard, but sometimes hard things just have to be done.

Do not let it mar your wedding too much OP, that is YOUR day, not his. Enjoy and congratulations on the marriage.
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Old 03-03-2014, 06:15 AM
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Sounds more like a facebook post.....now time for you to grow up too....those people are a dime a dozen and sounds like your judge of character traits aren't as good as you thought.....
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Old 03-03-2014, 06:38 AM
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Sorry for your loss of a three year friendship, at least he didn't die. I learned my best friend in the world, since before school age, died this weekend and I'm so profoundly saddened that, well, your post seems trivial; consider that. My friend was only 53.
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Old 03-03-2014, 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by twentynine View Post
Did the guy die?

When you said you "lost" a friend, I assume it meant he had died.

He's still out there somewhere, he don't care enough about his friends to do the right thing. They ain't no way in hell I'd pay off 1 red cent of gambling debt for him, even before he ran away. Generally speaking people who lie, lie about everything.
No he lost the guy and has no idea where he is.
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