Christmas season jokes

Old 12-17-2013, 04:23 PM
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Default Christmas season jokes

This one's pretty harmless and funny I thought.

Three men all passed away on Christmas Eve. Upon arrival at the pearly gates Saint Peter was feeling Joyous.

He asked each of them if they could produce something of the season he would grant them quick admission

The first fellow thought for a moment, pulled out a set of keys from his pocket, showed them To St. Peter, and replied: bells! St. Peter said excellent young man come on in.

The second fellow having a moment to think pulled out a lighter.. struck it and said its a candle! St. Peter smiled and welcomed him in.

The third fellow was nervous. He fumbled he stumbled he mumbled. He sheepishly pulled out a pair of women's panties from his pocket. Saint Peter looked at him somewhat bewildered! :

The man simply replied "these are Carol's!"

And the season begins!!
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Old 12-18-2013, 02:40 AM
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Old 12-18-2013, 05:18 AM
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A little long, but still funny...

A married man is shopping in a mall for a christmas present for
his wife because he had forgotten to buy it until the day
arrived. He walks into a pet store to get a unique and unusual
present for his wife. He looks through the categories of
animals, but can't find anything, so he asks an assistant if
there is anything unique in the store because he needs to find
something quick. The assistant thinks for awhile then says,"yes,
we have a parrot that can sing christmas carols." The man
becomes ecstatic about this and asks the assistant to show him
the parrot. As he is shown the parrot, the assistant tells him
that the parrot's name is Chet and the parrot will only sing if
you warm up his feet with a match. So the assistant pulls out a
match and lights it, he then puts it under the parrots foot.
This causes the parrot to sing "Jingle bells", and the man say,"
Wow, i've never seen anything like this." The man then asks if
the parrot can sing anything else. The assistant puts the match
under Chet's left foot. Chet then sings "silent night". The man
is amazed and buys Chet. He takes Chet home and shows his wife
everything that it can do, and she's amazed. The wife asks what
would happen if they put the match between Chet's legs. He
replies," I don't know, lets try it." Without saying more they
light a match and put it between Chet's legs. Then Chet clears
his throat and starts singing, Chet's nuts roasting on an open
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