Notices

Your best lie

Old 09-11-2013, 01:55 AM
  #1  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Amongst the FL fishies
Posts: 6,799
Default Your best lie

I met a girl one night at a local pizza place. Didn't get her number but did get her name and understood she worked as a nurse at a local hospital. Called the Personnel Dept and naturally the gal on the phone said they don't release any information. Told the gal in Personnel I have her coat that she left in the restaurant (lie). The helpful little darling connected me right up!
airbrush is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 02:53 AM
  #2  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,146
Default

Smooth!
Snoozin is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 04:45 AM
  #3  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 10,223
Default

Your Beautiful!
WOW! (when she wasn't)

I'll call, really I will.

Officer I've got to take a crap (when stopped for driving a little too fast), "officer" there's a tree right there" Me: step out of the car and drop my pants and force a dump! It worked.

It wasn't me.
08087 is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 04:51 AM
  #4  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Treasure Coast
Posts: 800
Default

I promise I'll only put the purple part in.
China Rider is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 04:55 AM
  #5  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: S. Galvez, Louisiana. Ame
Posts: 7,448
Default

I don't lie!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
twentynine is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:08 AM
  #6  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: East Hampton Ct
Posts: 3,238
Default

I promise I won't c#m in your mouth......
KeithS is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:08 AM
  #7  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Davy Jones' Locker
Posts: 1,559
Default

''The check is in the mail ''!

Muffler Bearing is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:35 AM
  #8  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 737
Default

before:
I love you
after:
I dont think I know what love is
irishangler is online now  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:46 AM
  #9  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: North Central Florida
Posts: 11,200
Default

"I'm the Mayor" when letting some nice lady know just how big of a deal I am at any place I may be out and about.
BlueRudy is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 05:51 AM
  #10  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Raleigh
Posts: 2,664
Default

I thought it was "No, I didn't sleep with ANY of the other women I met on Match" until one of them called the one I told the lie to.
NCcarguy is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 06:15 AM
  #11  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 9,807
Default

College:

Had a paper due, and did not want to do it. The tutors for the hockey team were backed up, so I had a feeling there was going to be a delay.

Wrote out a manilla envelope addressed to the professor. I then used two "sticky notes" and covered over his address and mailed to myself. This secured me a post mark before the due date.

Told the professor that I would not be at school for the day it was due, but that I would drop it in the inter campus mail system ahead of time. This guy was a prick and notorious for not cutting athletes any slack.

Due date came and went and no paper. He asked where it was and I said I put it in the mail, must be lost.

Finally, got one of the tutors from the hockey team to write it (took her way to freaking long - she was supposed to make sure we didnt worry about crap like this).

Pulled the sticky notes off to reveal the professors address. Put the paper in and dropped in mail. Arrived next day, and much to his surprise, the envelope was postmarked 2 full days before the due date.

Stupid inefficient mail system.
Jersus is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 07:58 AM
  #12  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Too far from salt.
Posts: 10,059
Default

You devious bastard. I like it!

My whole life is a lie.


Don't tell anyone.
DFreedom is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:00 AM
  #13  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Titus AL
Posts: 2,666
Default

Originally Posted by Snoozin View Post
Smooth!
Keith Stone smooth!
hhracing26 is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:01 AM
  #14  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: St. Augustine, Fl
Posts: 21,829
Default

I promise I will pull out
Cracker is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:02 AM
  #15  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Titus AL
Posts: 2,666
Default

I tell the truth even when I lie - Tony Montana
hhracing26 is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:02 AM
  #16  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
atcfris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11,909
Default

I can't disclose mine, I would be shamed forever.
atcfris is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:13 AM
  #17  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Charlotte Harbor, Fl.
Posts: 1,772
Default

"wasn't me"
reelyreely is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:17 AM
  #18  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 739
Default

In college, I told called in "sick" to my job claiming that I was in the ER because I had gotten a metal shaving in my eye. Made the call from the emergency room triage area at my local hospital so the phone number matched up on called ID. The next day, before going in to work, I smoked a bunch of dope but only put visine in one eye. That way they could see how "irritated" my eye still was from the day before.
superjag is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:35 AM
  #19  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,438
Default

of course this is my yacht
DotRotten is offline  
Old 09-11-2013, 08:45 AM
  #20  
Senior MemberCaptains Club MemberPLEDGER
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: West Carolina
Posts: 21,938
Default

If I ever want to run a license plate I call the local LE and tell them there is a car parked in my parking lot and before I had it towed I wanted to make sure it wasn't a customer or a friend. Never failed yet.
Shag is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread