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Blue Chip 09-19-2012 05:34 AM

Adventures in Online Dating
EDIT: This may get a bit long - but I promise a fun ride!

Alright - so a little background on whats happening...

I am recently single after an 11 year relationship (8-1/2 years of marriage) ended. Wife basically checked out and started doing things that I simply can't tolerate. Longish story - but not for now. The divorce was actually pretty decent - I kept everything and she packed her shit and moved out. I have 50/50 of the kids - 5 and almost 2.

Even though it's still a bit early - it's not too early to at least see whats out there and to have some fun. If anything, online e-dating has proven to be a really interesting experience so far. I am currently exploring 3 sites - Match, Plenty of Fish, and OkCupid. Each of these sites seems to have its own "personality" thus far.

A few things that I have / am learning...

1) You HAVE to have pictures up if you want to get anywhere. With the single exception of one girl - cute, 40, good job as a nurse, met her on Apparently she dug it when I "waxed poetic" and reached out to me. I was traveling for work for 3 weeks at the time - so we emailed quite a bit back and forth. One thing leads to another, we go out a couple of times and have a good time together. Did that a few times until things started to get weird. Even though I was very clear that my schedule was packed, there was no "assumed obligation," and that I am basically an emotional cripple - she assured me that "this is what it is." Needless to say - not the case. She started dropping little hints about a longer term commitment that were as suble as a gun. Phrases like "I cant wait for you to heal after your divorce so we can be together long term" and "when will I meet your kids" set the alarms-a-ringin! Had to break that one off - but did it in a way that we still talk... just in case! ;)

2) EVERY chick on these sites all say the same shit. They like to travel. They are fun loving and easy going. Most of their profiles basically say one thing - but what they "mean" is this: I would LIKE to travel on your dime. I'm fun and easy going as long as you are doing what I want to do and spoiling the shit out of me.

3) Those that have witty, sarcastic, a bit edgy profiles appear to be REALLY jaded.

4) I have not yet learned what is a better approach to writing my own profile... I have one that is honest, sincere, and pretty much like all the other guys out there - "Honesty, family guy, likes to have fun, blah blah, blah...." It's kind of the "what I think a chick would want to hear" while actually being honest. The other is more "biting, sarcastic, accutely funny with a hint of smartassery" in it.

5) The idea of window shopping for someone to meet is an interesting concept. However - you can pretty much rest assured that these chicks: A) Have used the best possible picture in their arsenal... every now and again one will slip though that you look at and go "WTF - is this even the same person?" You need to watch out for them....that's pretty much the photo grenade that can blow it all up - no matter how hot they appear in the other pictures. Remember - this is superficial window shopping at first - so you need to assume that the worst picture is the most representative. B) Stretched the truth about what they are looking for or completely misrepresented it. C) Have outright lied about their professionalism. A good example of this - there was one girl that found my profiles on both OKCupid (OkStupid) and POF. At the time - my pictures were up on one and not the other. 2 different names as well. She found me on both sites and basically said the same thing. I have to assume at this point that she was window shopping profiles based on the listed income alone. Insider Tip: If you are okay with meaningless relations with this type of girl - just list your salary as over $150K... that seems to be the sweet spot to attract them like moths to a flame. Anyway, after reading through her profile - which lists $30k as her salary - over and over again she made reference to wanting to find someone who is established professionally. Great - no issues there. But the specific nature of her "wants" set off the alarms... CEO, Executive, someone who she can "take care of" if they take care of her. Ahhhh.... a wolf in sheeps clothing. She's posing as an entrepeneur - however lists "social media" as her hobby, passion, and profession... I read that as "I use MyFaceTwit and dating sites to find someone dumb enough to take care of me..." Move along darlin... already had that.... don't need it again.

6) This is more of a tip for anyone following along... for some reason a good 6/10 chicks posted a picture of themselves driving that they took themselves. Are you fawking kidding me!!??!!?? Most of the women I know have had a hard enough time just getting to where they are going - much less the inherrent dangers of this. By the way - to date none have appreciated my worldly insight on this matter. :rofl: Another strange anomoly... most of the women take their own pictures using either (what I call) "The one arm bandit" or using the mirror in the bathroom (public or private doesn't seem to matter). I am leery of those that don't have friends to take the pictures for them... usually I will DQ someone for this - but there have been exceptions. I am equally leery about taking bathroom pictures.

So anyway - this is where I plan to share some of my adventures with you all. I will post pictures as appropriate.....

Blue Chip 09-19-2012 05:42 AM

A good opening line....

Keep in mind guys - this is a numbers game. However - you need to have a good opener when contacting these girls. The majority of the time the ones that contact you first have something wrong with them... bad teeth, disfigurement, lazy eye, etc... Morbid obesity seems to be the commonality of those that contact you first.

Anyway - the opening line is key. I have had a fair amount of success with this one "The Internet suggests that you and I might get along... certainly The Internet would never lie to us would it?" Then followed up with something pretty milktoast - "I was reading through your profile (insert something in common) and tend to agree with The Internet." Again - when has The Internet ever lied or mislead anyone?

I have a few of these baits back behind the boat now... I had one short strike with a response that said "NEVER... if its on the internet it has to be true..." I responded back something witty - but I was drinking pretty good last night and forgot what it was... either way - ball is in her court. I'm trying out some of these baits on throwback fish first - that way when I see the targetted species - I have some confidence of a strike.

BlueRudy 09-19-2012 05:43 AM

Never tried dating websites but an interesting read. Keep us updated on how its working for you. I would much rather read about your adventure with a complete basket-case then be in a position to share mine.

Blue Chip 09-19-2012 05:51 AM

Here is a great example of everything that drives me batshit insane... this is a combo of "The one arm bandit" AND taken in the bathroom. This is actually a hybrid of T.O.A.B as it uses the mirror. Either way -this was the first one that I mentioned... REALLY sweet person, nice girl - but had a problem with accepting the fact that I really am an emotional cripple. I told her that - and was clear that I don't want to be "fixed" nor am I "her project." Regardless- I have nothing bad to say about her.

I removed this picture because people were getting upset....

Cobb 09-19-2012 05:54 AM

Been there done that, you made out in the divorce better than I did.

Tried the online thing about 6 months after the divorce and it was interesting to say the least. Although, if you are wanting to put up numbers, its THE way to go. Just be firm when you are done.

Theys lots of stays out there. LIke when you feed a stay cat on your back porch and they wont leave...

AlexD 09-19-2012 05:56 AM

"Photo grenade" - that's awesome. :rofl:

Sorry to hear about your situation but sounds like it happened for a good reason - time for the next step in life for you. I know of a few good friends who have had good success with online dating sites.

I'll certainly be following your story - it's off to a good start. :thumbsup:

LI Sound Grunt 09-19-2012 06:01 AM

"someone who she can "take care of" if they take care of her"

in every woman's psyche whether they admit it or not...

OldPete 09-19-2012 06:05 AM

Rules of thumb from my extensive experience (granted this is going back around 2004)...

Dating sites defined:

Adult Friend Finder: You'll get a piece of strange... just use a lot of caution (Can't say I know this one from experience) Easiest place to find free strange... most psychos can be found here. 2nd Easiest place to find free strange... the people on often troll here too, just because - if they are on Match AND Yahoo you should be able to hit it in 3 dates or less.

eHarmony: Pretty good service if you want a serious relationship. Some of them are "clock-is-ticking" types and others are too clingy... but your chance for a good relationship can, indeed be found here. I met my wife here -- we were just friends for 1-1/2 years and then started to date...


The way they write and speak about themselves makes it easy to determine who is crazy... the pictures they take -- the way they "cut out" people of the pics, etc... all easy tells...

Ahhh... the online dating scene... seems like many many moons ago... and today... with Facebook... you could troll in old waters too I suppose...

I better show this thread to Mrs. OldPete -- don't want her getting any ideas about me. LOL :D

Trollin4Tuna 09-19-2012 06:06 AM

There are some good looking women on there. I have actually had a couple of friends get married off of one of those sites. Also good for guys who work long hours and are getting tired of meeting drunk party girls at the bars.

I've dated girls from age 19 to 40 from Match. Had some pretty fun times. Met some good ones and met some crazy ones but I guess the old method yielded about the same population.

Wolakrab 09-19-2012 06:08 AM

I use the dating sites's very hard to meet women if you don't do the bar scene or socialize a lot. I'd add the following to your observations:
If they say "curvy" when describing their body type, then be prepared to meet a BBW. Also if they say "a few extra pounds"...
If they are out of your income bracket, don't even bother to reach out...99% of those types are looking for someone who makes more than they do.
If their primary picture is them holding a dog or a cat, stay away. I like both, but if they associate with a pet so much as to identify primarily with them, then they will always prefer the company of the pet over you.
If they say "looking for a long-term relationship", be prepared for them to expect exactly that. If you move into the bedroom after a couple of dates, then in their eyes, you are in a long-term relationship. Don't be surprised when the topic of conversation turns to related subjects.
Old Pete, I have found more strange on plenty of fish than any other's free, and that seems to be a prerequisite for weird...

Garett 09-19-2012 06:14 AM

I'm a grocery store man myself, nothing says fresh and as is than a gal at the grocery store. I want them acappella as possible so I know who they are from the inside out as quickly as possible. ;) I can find out a Lot of stuff in a one two minute conversation and they would be no wiser. :grin:

Heck when I was really on the move I would not shop for a weeks worth of food at a time, I would shop for what I wanted to eat that evening. :grin: :thumbsup: Remember the grocery store is busy 7 days a week and at pretty much any hour of the day.

* Oh, and by shopping at given stores you are to some degree shopping for gals from that given areas.....use this tool to your advantage. ;)

BottomPicker 09-19-2012 06:16 AM

Caveat Emptor. I went through the scene 8 years ago. I should have gotten a credit on my tax return for feeding all the dis-functionals in Pittsburgh. I was always amazed at the "dates" that would drop me after the first date. I'm no romeo, but not the bottom of the barrel. They would always say, welll there just isn't any "Chemistry". Baby, people don't get divorced over lack of chemistry. I'm worried about getting ripped off in divorce court. I'd say it takes a long long time to know somebody. And you really get to know somebody if money is on the line. I couldn't agree more about your observation about how they all want to travel...."on your dime". And talked with one who, after never meeting me and was just getting a first call, wnted to know everything about my divorce. What caused it, yadda yadda yadda, before she would go out with me. I told her I really needed to know the balance in her checkbook before I could ever go out with her. Of all the nerve. Theree ARE al lot of disfunctional people out there. Don't get too desperate, and don't invest a lot of your money wining and dining them. Meet for drinks, feed them the same bs that they feed you. Good luck.. It reminds me how much I hated the game playing.

Blue Chip 09-19-2012 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by Wolakrab (Post 4941867)
If they say "looking for a long-term relationship", be prepared for them to expect exactly that. If you move into the bedroom after a couple of dates, then in their eyes, you are in a long-term relationship. Don't be surprised when the topic of conversation turns to related subjects.

This was my rookie mistake with the first one - I refer to her as "training wheels." She clearly stated - long term relationship. She also had a picture of her cat, and of a butterfly in her profile. I should have known when she quoted the movie "Pretty Woman" 8 or 9 times and made reference to Richard Geere's character when I told her what I did for a living. "Are you fawking kidding me? That's not at all like what I do...."

Chalk it up to a rookie move on my part.

So right now I have a spread pattern back behind the boat with about 8 lines out. By lines - I mean just that - my "power opener" emailed to them. One that I would really like to respond is on Match - but my profile pictures are down right now as I wait the requisite amount of time to pass before putting them up again (simply to make the one above not think I used her). What a gentleman I am!

Garett 09-19-2012 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by Blue Chip (Post 4941813)

Boy, nothing says desperate more than that pic....well maybe there is others as well; but the point being.

Boataholic 09-19-2012 06:27 AM

you left out LOL nothing like a hot "G.I.L.F." :)

Sprockets 09-19-2012 06:38 AM

This is pretty good reading for a guy married 23 years! What's a GILF? I know what a MILF is, just not sure if the "G" is grandma or geriatric.:rofl:

LI Sound Grunt 09-19-2012 06:42 AM

You guys need to read "Gone Girl" in order to understand the female Psyche......

pmichael 09-19-2012 06:46 AM

This thread has definite potential.....;cool;

airedog 09-19-2012 06:49 AM

Actually I liked the picture...great body and not afraid to tell you so. My girl and I were coincidentally talking about this very subject last night. She is a little old fashioned and said it creeped her out, but I said whatever it takes to hook people up and overcome those fears is good. Cool thread Bluechip...thanks.

(More pics!! Good and bad!!)

Cobb 09-19-2012 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by LI Sound Grunt (Post 4941978)
You guys need to read "Gone Girl" in order to understand the female Psyche......

I'm not sure any amount of reading could help me to understand the female psyche

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