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Adventures in Online Dating

Old 09-20-2012, 07:46 AM
  #101  
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Originally Posted by lazyboy48 View Post
This thread should last about three years! It takes that long to discover the new you after a divorce!
You should be getting close to a serious relationship after three years,although it took me 14! I had trust issues with women! I started to feel like a Man Ho!

I need to stock up on munchies so I don't miss anything!

We are going to need pics! The Good,The Bad and The ugly! It will help keep us interested
I liked the old me better... but that's water under the bridge at this point. I will make sure that I post as many pics as possible.
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Old 09-20-2012, 07:55 AM
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"Instant Classic"
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Old 09-20-2012, 07:59 AM
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Im a big believer in the grocery store concept. I may just sign up at Match.com and have some internet fun as well.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:13 AM
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I read an article months back on the issues with the dating sites creating with their faulty algorithms they use to structure their sties. Basically, it was reported that every site has the math to find everybody's near perfect match pretty easily, but then they would have issues with membership if folks found their match on the first whack. So this coalition was working to set standards for the industry to keep the integrity up.. Then was the issue of the member's honesty in their profiles..
Every chick is fun-loving and likes to travel. Who would pick a bitter homebody..? One of my buddies is into the Russian damsel deal, now that is a racket. I swear there are junior college classes in Russia on how to hook american guys with money.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by nat View Post
I tried Match......it's not for this cat

first date the gal weighed about 200 lbs more than her picture....argh

it was like going to a junkyard looking for a new car.........in tall grass and weeds


That is probably the best description of the web-dating I have ever heard..
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:42 AM
  #106  
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Yep... that's about it. I could write any womans profile at this point...

Hi! I'm new to this online thing - so here it goes! (My friends / sister / cousin / dog made me sign up) I love the outdoors and to travel - some of my fav hot spots are (insert the broad brush comment here - for instance - Any major city in the US, andwhere in Europe, and any of the Islands). My friends would describe me as fun loving, sincere, honest, and nice. I'm looking to find the person that completes me. My life is already awesome - but with the right guy it could be even moreso. I'm not looking to just hook up with somone - so if your're a serial dater, looking for "friends with benefits" or anything else like that - move along.

I'm really serious about my career - I love it! I love to get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner, gallery, or fundraiser - but I'm also comfortable at home with freinds and family having a nice glass of wine and cooking dinner!

Alright....so what's wrong with the above? A few things. Let me help translate.

New to the online thing: Either you were just dumped by your BF / other or you're trying to cover up the fact that you've been at it for a fawking year and can't get past the first date. Look darlin - I can see through this bullshit. your friends didn't make you do it either - it was your idea and you told them about it before they found out - because for lots of women it comes across as desperate.

I love the outdoors and love to travel: No you don't. Quit fawking lying. You don't do shit outdoors except bitch about how cold / hot it is. Chicks that dig the outdoors do shit outdoors. What you mean by outdoors is this - an expensive outdoor restraunt in a chic, trendy, hot spot - on someones boat, or laying out around a pool. Chicks that really dig the outdoors shoot guns, hike, shit like that. Oh - and because you have a picture of yourself standing on a fawking rock overlooking a cliff doesn't mean you like the outdoors or even hiked there. Look at your choice of footware - flip flops didn't get you there. By the looks of the shadow in your picture - a Ford Expedition did. Travel... yeah...on my dime. Interesting that every picture of you traveling somewhere has the person RIGHT next to you cropped out... or you are with your parents. What does that say - yeah... you do like to travel. On someone elses dime. Funny how that $33K a year job that you did as a hobby didn't allow you the lifestyle that your ex gave you. I blame the online sites for this though... do you like to travel? Sure. Swim? Yep. Boat? Yeah - I would like to go on a boat.

Fun loving, honest, and sincere: Expect to see someone that is vapid, dull witted, and generally receptive to adopting the identity of whomever she ends up with.

I'm looking for the person that completes me: I'll cling to you like a Cuban refugee holds onto a liferaft.

My life is already awesome: My life WAS awesome until I realized that my looks are fading, being a hard ass, cold shouldered pretentious bitch is only charming in college - which waved bye-bye to you long ago - and now one of 2 things is happening... your other divorced friends are getting into relationships - or your gal friends are getting married off - either way - the water in your pond is starting to evaporate. You're also deflecting the possiblility that you're the reason you're single - that there may be something wrong with you. Instead - it's easier to say that your life has been SO awesome that you CHOSE not to find anyone. Bullshit - humans are social beings and crave gatherings...

Serious about my career - you may or may not have a job. However- you realize that in order to attract your ideal guy that makes enough of a living to allow you to treat your job as a hobby - you have to appear financially independent and like you have your shit together. Most do not.

Like to get dressed up but like to stay in too - I like to be taken out - but when you get tired of paying for me all the time - I'll dump you.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:47 AM
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Blue Chip, you are a freakin' poet dude. This shit is priceless.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:48 AM
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I love the line " I like to take long walks on the beach" where is this beach that everyone is taking long walks on? I spent 2 days doing some work on Fort Lauderdale Beach and I saw a grand total of 3 maybe 4 couples taking a walk.
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:53 AM
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Slow down, I'm having trouble keeping up with this. This is the best thread ever!
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:54 AM
  #110  
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I'm looking for the person that completes me: I'll cling to you like a Cuban refugee holds onto a liferaft.

I am rolling over here. Blue Chip you are the man!
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Old 09-20-2012, 08:55 AM
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Someone to complete me = cling to you like a Cuban to a liferaft Dude! That's good stuff!
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:41 AM
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They all also have pictures of themselves tandem skydiving. I think that's the right of passage after the ex dumped them. It makes them all look like thier life is one big adventure.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:44 AM
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I did have to laugh at the fake profile you wrote for them....they ALL had the exact same one. too funny.

I like the sentence where they're not looking for a one night stand too....yet almost all of them were willing to jump into the sack after the first date.

another favorite was the "Not looking for a player".....but doesn't findinig someone on a dating site kinda turn EVERYONE into a "PLAYER"?
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by NCcarguy View Post
They all also have pictures of themselves tandem skydiving. I think that's the right of passage after the ex dumped them. It makes them all look like thier life is one big adventure.
Nice pickup there... you are 100% correct.

I need to get back to my home computer.. when I do I will post a PERFECT example of a photo grenade.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:51 AM
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as said before this thread NEEDS to be a sticky....Blue Chip when this thread is done, u have an instant best seller on your hands.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:52 AM
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As a wimmin, I find this freaking hilarious!! (taking notes, of course)
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:56 AM
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oh...another thing I loved. You see these pictures of a nice looking girl....you MAY even email her, and not get a response. Then the longer you are on the site, the more you realize that some seem to always be "online" but never leave the site....then all of a sudden, you'll see them post a NEW picture, and BOOM...the photo bomb you mentioned. You realize they had pictures of themselves that wasnt' close to what they look like now.

That was always my favorite.
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:08 AM
  #118  
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Originally Posted by stringle View Post
As a wimmin, I find this freaking hilarious!! (taking notes, of course)
For obvious reasons - it would be useful information for me to know that if you're on any of the aforementioned sites.. I would REALLY rather not have a conflict of interest here!

As for Photo Grenading goes - there is one girl that emailed me - I looked at her picture and was like "Holy SHit!!!!" As I kept going through - I was like "HOLY SHIT.....!!!!!"

Then I hit the grenade.... again - I was like "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But in a whole different way!
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:16 AM
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Thinking about this... in fairness... I am going to post up a few pictures from my profile. I'm an average looking guy that's pretty "middle of the road."

Edited due to some wacko making really weird veiled threats... you know who you are.... I wouldn't push too hard on this one fella....

Last edited by Blue Chip; 09-23-2012 at 06:37 AM.
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Old 09-20-2012, 10:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Blue Chip View Post
For obvious reasons - it would be useful information for me to know that if you're on any of the aforementioned sites.. I would REALLY rather not have a conflict of interest here!
As for Photo Grenading goes - there is one girl that emailed me - I looked at her picture and was like "Holy SHit!!!!" As I kept going through - I was like "HOLY SHIT.....!!!!!"

Then I hit the grenade.... again - I was like "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But in a whole different way!
Negative, Sir!!
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