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Jokes

Old 07-12-2012, 11:58 AM
  #1  
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Barack Obama is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
Barack Insane Obama laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," Obama says and he runs off.
A couple of days later Barack is running with his buddy Nancy Pelosi and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
Obama says to Nancy, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box. Obama says, "Look in the box Nancy, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Nancy what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Republicans."
"Whoa!", Obama says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats, What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now" Never heard a joke with sooo much truth.
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Old 07-12-2012, 12:01 PM
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Dockside joke thread

http://www.thehulltruth.com/dockside...our-jokes.html
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Old 07-28-2018, 07:07 PM
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A group of women were at a seminar

> on how to live in a loving relationship with their

> husbands.The women were asked, "How

> many of you love your husband?"

>

> All the women raised their hands.

>

> Then they were asked, "When was the last time you

> told your husband you loved him?"

>

> Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some

> couldn't remember.

>

> The women were then told to take out their cell phones and

> text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart."

>

> Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one

> another and read aloud the text message they received in

> response to their message.Below are 12 hilarious replies. If

> you have been married for quite a while, you understand that

> these replies are a sign of true love.Who else would reply in such a

> succinct and honest way?

>

> 1. Who the hell is this?

>

> 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

>

> 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

>

> 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

>

> 5. I don't understand what you mean.

>

> 6. What the hell did you do now?

>

> 8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you

> need.

>

> 9. Am I dreaming?

>

> 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually

> for, someone will die.

>

> 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the

> day. (My personal

> favorite!)

>

> 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't

> she?
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Old 07-29-2018, 05:31 AM
  #4  
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Originally Posted by triumphrick View Post
A group of women were at a seminar

> on how to live in a loving relationship with their

> husbands.The women were asked, "How

> many of you love your husband?"

>

> All the women raised their hands.

>

> Then they were asked, "When was the last time you

> told your husband you loved him?"

>

> Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some

> couldn't remember.

>

> The women were then told to take out their cell phones and

> text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart."

>

> Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one

> another and read aloud the text message they received in

> response to their message.Below are 12 hilarious replies. If

> you have been married for quite a while, you understand that

> these replies are a sign of true love.Who else would reply in such a

> succinct and honest way?

>

> 1. Who the hell is this?

>

> 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

>

> 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

>

> 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

>

> 5. I don't understand what you mean.

>

> 6. What the hell did you do now?

>

> 8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you

> need.

>

> 9. Am I dreaming?

>

> 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually

> for, someone will die.

>

> 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the

> day. (My personal

> favorite!)

>

> 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't

> she?
Love all of those blank lines and "greater than" symbols from a cut and paste job with no edits to delete.
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Old 08-01-2018, 08:57 AM
  #5  
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]a husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
he looks at her and says angrily, "fix the lights now?
does it look like i have ‘ge' written on my forehead?
i don't think so."

“fine," then the wife asks, "well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

to which he replies, "fix the fridge door?
does it look like i have ‘westinghouse' written on my forehead?
i don't think so."

“fine," she says, "then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?
they are about to break."

"i'm not a carpenter and i don't want to fix steps."
he says, "does it look like i have 'home hardware' written on my forehead?
i don't think so - i've had enough of you.
i'm going to the bar!"

so he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.

he starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home.

as he walks up to the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.

as he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.

as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

“honey," he asks, "how'd all this get fixed?”

she says, "well, when you left i sat outside and cried
just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and i told him."

"he offered to do all the repairs, and all i had to do was either
go to bed with him or bake him a cake."

he says, "so what kind of cake did you bake?"

she replies, "hellooooo... Do you see 'betty crocker' written on my forehead...??
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