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Touchy Subject - daughters boyfriend

Old 03-07-2012, 01:21 PM
  #101  
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I feel like I should get a notepad out and start taking notes as I am 21... but my parents have taught me better and I know the right thing to do. I think it helps when the girls dad loves to fish and has a boat...pretty good ice breaker.
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted by DoubleO7 View Post
Betchya he is from "across the bridge" ?

Be all gungho sweet and invite him to any little thing.

He will likely jackrabbit.


Show him your gun collection.
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:40 PM
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dated a girl in high school for about 6 months, was at her house 3 or 4 nights a week. her dad never uttered a word to me. Her mom was a different story. i have a 12 year old now and we talk with her a lot about the guys she likes and the ones that like her. even at 12 theres a lot of drama. I just make sure they respect her. You can keep up with them on facebook nowadays...lol i agree with the coming to the door to pick them up and drop them off. i made my son do it before he was driving. i hoped he continued it after he turned 16. i told him it was a fathers job to not like the guy his daughter was dating. not to take it personal.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:00 PM
  #104  
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Originally Posted by tat2 View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4pIJtt48g4

this might need to go away because of language. sorry mod4!
That is absolutely one of the funniest scenes in movie history! I just laughed my ass off watching that.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:16 PM
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I am 59 and my daughter is 29 and married. I all the above things to make her teenage years bf's comfortable but it also told them that if they didnt respect her or hurt her, they would have to deal with me. Some didn't believe me and they found out otherwise.
Assume all kids 16 yo and older are sexually active. Make sure she has had the mother daughter talk and follows it! diseases and babies are the gift that lasts a lifetime.
I know what was on my mind when I was 21 and all my gf's parents should have known how all i wanted to do was get laid as often as i could.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:26 PM
  #106  
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You are right, you stay involved 100% of your life in whatever they do, good or bad. BUT, you don't stay involved in 100% of their life. If you are reading your daughter's Facebook page at 18, that says more about you than her. You have to let go at some point. My point, and others I think, in saying that she is an adult, is that hopefully you have built a relationship from day one, and a key element of that relationship is trust. Those who wait until the teenage years, and try to substitute threats of guns and shovels, in place of trust, are doomed.
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:06 PM
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Originally Posted by glacierbaze View Post
You are right, you stay involved 100% of your life in whatever they do, good or bad. BUT, you don't stay involved in 100% of their life. If you are reading your daughter's Facebook page at 18, that says more about you than her. You have to let go at some point. My point, and others I think, in saying that she is an adult, is that hopefully you have built a relationship from day one, and a key element of that relationship is trust. Those who wait until the teenage years, and try to substitute threats of guns and shovels, in place of trust, are doomed.

Thank you for stating exactly what I have been trying to say for the last 5 posts. If you did not do your job early in their life, don't think you can just make that up when they become a teenager, just doesn't work that way. But......always be there for them no matter what!!!!!!
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:33 PM
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Originally Posted by spraynet 1 View Post
"It will play out one way or another"

Seriously, how in the world can you have that attitude regarding your kid!!! I understand that 18 yr olds need to start making their own decisions, but to totally throw up your hands and leave it to "luck" is beyond my comprehension. This is your flesh and blood, you stay involved 100% of your life in whatever they do, good or bad. That is the responsibility we took on as fathers when we got in between those legs many moons ago.

Your Father in-law, and step Mother-in law were lucky they got you! From what I can tell about you, they got one of the good one's. Luck should not play a part in weather or not the kid your daughter or son dates is a good person or not. As a parent you have a very strong bond with your kid, if you raised them right, no outsider will have 1/4 of the influence you have on their decision making. If she hooks up with the wrong guy, really bad things can & will happen. It really disturbs me to hear so many fathers here who simply say things like "It will play out one way or another" breaks my heart!
Because it will either fizzle out and be done or get more serious and go from there. I have seen many parents try to rule their adult kids lives and it usually turns out bad. All a parent can do is give advice. When parents try to force there will on there kids it usually leads the kids in the opposite direction of what the parents want to happen.
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Old 03-07-2012, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by aiian View Post
I think you're digging way too deep here. Pardon the cliche but you're going to have to slit that umbilical chord one of these days. It's her boyfriend, not yours or your wife's.

Besides, this guy will be an afterthought come college time.

Some of you guys are so out of touch it's mind numbing. Background checks, look into his eyes, pregnancy, heroine. You guys really crack me up.

Good luck my man, an 18 year old cutie is not something I ever want to deal wilth
I agree 100%
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Old 03-07-2012, 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Welshtrustee View Post
I have two daughters who are young so I haven't hit this stage yet. However, as a guy who dated I can say he's obviously not socially adept if he's not smart enough to realize that dating a younger girl looks suspicious so he should at least come to the door. That is a red flag to me. But, she is an adult. Guess you have to do your best to make him feel included and let your daughter hopefully see what you and your wife do. No easy answer on this one. I'd say invite him to do something with you , alone. You'll know then what his intentions are.

Huh ?

Do you work with Dr. Phil ?
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Old 03-07-2012, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by CenturyFisher View Post
I feel like I should get a notepad out and start taking notes as I am 21... but my parents have taught me better and I know the right thing to do. I think it helps when the girls dad loves to fish and has a boat...pretty good ice breaker.
If there were more young men like you, Then those of us with a young daughter between 16 to 21 plus would not need to worry as much.

I can understand what you are going through. I have a daughter that is 21 and all I can say is it ain't easy. She has been a fairly level headed kid. Knows what she wants. We raised her boating, fishing, hunting, camping, etc. She said most guys are too childish, they not only want too much of her time but they want to get into her personal space. She said I have goals set and just don't need the baggage. Hope she keeps that mind set. Yes if you raise them right they will be ok. But it just ain't easy watching them make mistakes and learning from those mistakes. But you can't control their lives forever.
Hardest thing for me was turning my son loose when he got serious with a girl and then they wanted to get married. He has worked with me since he was 12 and we did everything together. But DAD had to let him make his own mistakes and try to keep his mouth shut unless he asked me for advice. Let me tell ya that ain't easy. It does get better with time.
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Old 03-08-2012, 05:27 AM
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Tell him you and a bunch of internet tough guys are watching him..
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Old 03-08-2012, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by GT FISH View Post
Tell him you and a bunch of internet tough guys are watching him..
And none of which you know... Tell him you have a gun, a shovel, and a big back yard.
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Old 03-08-2012, 06:34 AM
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If my father had told me what he thought about my exwife when I told him I was going to propose, I probably wouldn't have an exwife right now.
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Old 03-08-2012, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by fldmax View Post
If there were more young men like you, Then those of us with a young daughter between 16 to 21 plus would not need to worry as much.

I can understand what you are going through. I have a daughter that is 21 and all I can say is it ain't easy. She has been a fairly level headed kid. Knows what she wants. We raised her boating, fishing, hunting, camping, etc. She said most guys are too childish, they not only want too much of her time but they want to get into her personal space. She said I have goals set and just don't need the baggage. Hope she keeps that mind set. Yes if you raise them right they will be ok. But it just ain't easy watching them make mistakes and learning from those mistakes. But you can't control their lives forever.
Hardest thing for me was turning my son loose when he got serious with a girl and then they wanted to get married. He has worked with me since he was 12 and we did everything together. But DAD had to let him make his own mistakes and try to keep his mouth shut unless he asked me for advice. Let me tell ya that ain't easy. It does get better with time.
Yea right, I always got along with my GF parents so they trusted me more but that did not change the fact I want to still get into her pants.
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Old 03-08-2012, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Cobb View Post
If my father had told me what he thought about my exwife when I told him I was going to propose, I probably wouldn't have an exwife right now.
BINGO!!!!!!!

That's because you had respect, admiration, and would have trusted his words!!!! To bad he didn't SPEAK UP....like I have been saying on this thread any father should and must do!

Don't care how any Lib here wants to spin this, stay involved with your child's life....ALWAYS!!!!
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Old 03-08-2012, 10:32 AM
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I think it was always intended for kids to learn from parents' life experiences, in this case it is the same. Age makes no difference, why would you change your stance just because legally she is an adult? If you have always served her with advise giving it to her now shouldn't be a problem. You do have to trust that you brought her up with the right values and that she has the mental capacity to distinguish between right and not correct.
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Old 03-08-2012, 10:41 AM
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Give the young chap some time. He will soon come around. I remember being that age and never really wanting to meet the parents.. After a good few months, I hung out with the parents more than her.
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Old 03-08-2012, 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by dgixxer252525 View Post
Notgottaboatyet, im not trying to get off topic, but what is it that you do to be so stable at such a young age? When I was 20 a house was out of the question...not to mention marriage!
I'm not going to derail too bad so I'll keep it short. How I was raised by BOTH my parents and me being really observant I would pick and choose qualities I wanted at a very young age. I set expectations for myself and adopted some from the adults in my life. I took on responsibilites without hesitation. I was one of the kids that would still come over when a friend had chores. As a child I hated to be taken lightly I made it a habit to committee to everything I would say or threaten with, my friends and family take me seriously. A good sense of humor also keeps me 'stable' and others alive. That is a deep question you've asked.

Last edited by notgottaboatyet; 03-08-2012 at 06:30 PM.
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