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Touchy Subject - daughters boyfriend

Old 03-07-2012, 08:52 AM
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Originally Posted by swifty View Post

And when I was dating as a young buck, I'll be dammed if I would sit my arse in the car and blow the horn. My Mom raised me better than that.
That's what I'm talking about. I mean how in the hell are you gonna properly escort her from the house to the car and then get the door for her if you're sitting in the car!
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by baypro21 View Post
No boy is going to pull up to my house and basically blow the horn for my 19yo daughter to run out. He will drag his tired ass up to the door, be invited in, and see my shoulder mounts on the wall. My daughter has had 2 boyfriends that were old enough to drive. They have both hung out with us, gone on vacation with us, and were/are terrified of me. I have always been very nice to her boyfriends but also very matter of fact. They know the unspoken rule that they will deal with more than they want if my daughter gets hurt.

The current boyfriend found out 1st hand I don't play. Long story but last year he lived in Florida and she was visitng. (he now lives in our city). They were visiting his grandparents in Miami. They had been fighting for a few days and evidently it was escalating (not physical). She called home and I could tell my wife was upset so I got on the phone. It was a Sunday morning around 8am. (I was in Raleigh). I was on the grandparents front doorstep (in Miami) at noon and brought my daughter home. When it comes to my family I err on the side of caution.
Dayum
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:35 AM
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First off my daughter is not leaving the house until the boy gets his ass out of the car and comes to pick her up. Second if she is still living under my roof she goes by my rules and this BS about she is an adult is pure crap. The guy could just be shy but that does not give him the right to not treat your daughter like a lady. I read the BS about times have changed but if he is going to drive to my home he will get out of the car and come to the door. Anything other then that is disrespect to her and the parents. For the people who say the kid probably does not want to hang out with the parents has nothing to do with him picking her up. Next time he comes to get her and sends a text have your daughter text him back to come to the door and or why don't you go to his car and explain how it works.
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:19 AM
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Notgottaboatyet, im not trying to get off topic, but what is it that you do to be so stable at such a young age? When I was 20 a house was out of the question...not to mention marriage!
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:21 AM
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I said I was done posting on this one, but as the father of a little girl, I just can't stop looking at it. Really gives me some hope to read the last few post. I was begining to get a little worried there early in the thread. It amazes me how prevelant this candy ass position of "it's her life", nothing you can do, etc. really is. As far as I'm concerned this is exactly the kind of lazy/weak BS that is ruining this country. Somewhere along the way alot of folks apparently just said "oh well" and gave up. Sad really. As for my daughter, which it appears is going to be just as beautiful as my wife, I luckily have a quite a few more years. However, when that comes, and I know it certainly will, they better have their S&^% together all the way around. Thems just the facts

SH
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:58 AM
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Text him the link to this thread
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by thajeffski View Post
Care to share some details? My friend has a 2 year old daughter and I've been trying to push him towards being open about life (sex, drugs, drinking) when she needs him to be, he's not seeing it from that end. If I had a kid I would be very open about everything and hope we could discuss stuff like that.. just interested to hear how she took it, what you exactly said, etc. etc.
I would love to. However, I don't want to highjack this thread. I will pm you if you'd like.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:27 AM
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Just let your daughter know that you love and support her and respect her judgement. And confirm how important family is..... And that you'd really like to get to know the boyfriend.... That'll make her feel it's important to her for her bf to get to know you.... She'll sort out if she's gonna stay with him or not- especially if you're really close with her -
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:27 AM
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"Most times he doesn't even come to the door" If you pull into my driveway, you better be delivering a pizza; cause my kids aren't leaving without my seeing you.

I have 5 girls (youngest is 16). All the cliches are true. Have a girl and you need to worry about every prick in town; have a boy, you only need to worry about one.

This d'bag needs to go.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:31 AM
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Kids hear what you say...they may not like it, but they hear it.

Ask her what she likes about this guy, tell her what your concerns are, knowing that it will most likely get back to the guy, and the LAST thing you want is for her to think you're trying to keep her from him, and you just don't flat out like the guy. That would make you a grandfather quicker than anything you could do. So...keep the concerns at a level that isn't all that offensive. You may actually find that he's better than you think, since the reality is that he PROBABLY somehow reminds her of YOU!
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by fishingfun View Post
First off my daughter is not leaving the house until the boy gets his ass out of the car and comes to pick her up. Second if she is still living under my roof she goes by my rules and this BS about she is an adult is pure crap. The guy could just be shy but that does not give him the right to not treat your daughter like a lady. I read the BS about times have changed but if he is going to drive to my home he will get out of the car and come to the door. Anything other then that is disrespect to her and the parents. For the people who say the kid probably does not want to hang out with the parents has nothing to do with him picking her up. Next time he comes to get her and sends a text have your daughter text him back to come to the door and or why don't you go to his car and explain how it works.
X2

I didnt read all the posts but I have 3 daughters.... So far "most" of the boyfriends have been fine - they are all nervous to meet me - I understand because I was nervous to meet my girlfriends fathers as well...

But over time they open up a bit and all is good...

Sucks having daughters and dating... I hate boys and make sure they each know I have bullet in the chamber with their name on it..
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:12 PM
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Without reading all 5 pages of responses. I will offer my opinion as a 37 year old guy that remembers that scene like it was yesterday.

If the boy friend doesn't like coming in to see his girls parents then something is wrong. Either she told him something about her parents that he didn't like or he or she is hiding something from you.

In high school I had only a few girl friends, this was because I dated the same girls for long periods of time. I was never a "player" and never was and still am not a cheater.

I remember one girls parents were nut jobs (at least I though so back then) and the house was always like 100 degrees inside so I avoided going in whenever possible. But when I did see the parents I was always polite and shook the fathers hand.

The girl that I would still to this day call my high school sweetheart had awsome parents. I actually liked hanging out with them as much as the girl. I said almost, their daughter gave me something they could never...LOL. Sorry but it's true. Sex happens.

That said..... the parents of your girl friend will always make you uncomfortable, at least at first.

But if she has been seeing this guy for a while and he is still not wanting to see you face to face then something might be wrong. Maybe something little like he is shy or he could be a bad dude.

I wouldn't confront the boy though. Talk to your daughter first and feel her out. The last thing you want to do is embarrass your daughter in front of the boy, that will only make things worse.
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Cuzmondo View Post
O.K. so I need some input from others that may have been through this. First off, to give some perspective our only child is an 18 y/o dishwater blond, blue eyed senior. Very attractive, and not just Dad saying so, it's true (sorry you ain't getting pics). Very good kid, never caused any trouble, works hard at a part time job and goes to school. Planning to attend the local college next year and study Dental hygiene, Radiology or P.T. She has had a few boyfriends over the years but always were younger and none ever had a job or drove. The current bo is 21, has his own ride, takes her places and spends money on her; overall seems like a good guy, not a trouble maker, but just doesn't sit right her mother and I. Not real sociable and doesn't seem like he wants to spend any time around us. Our feelings are he's kinda swept her off her feet because he's the first guy to ever really pick her up and take her on a date and such. Most times he doesn't even come to the door; he texts her and she meets him outside. It's apparent that he's lacking a father and doesn't grasp the "gentlemanly" aspect of dating. I had to teach her last bo how to tie a tie, and this one is probably the same. He often complains of being tired after working all day and not really into the things she is. At 21 I could work 26 hrs. straight and then still hang and party with my girl with enthusiasm for hours on end. Our daughter has a bubbly fun and lively personality, while he seems dull and unmotivated. Are her mother and I making too much of this, how do you deal with these things? We really don't like the thought of spending a lot of time around him. We have lots of friends of all ages, and friends with younger adult children that we all have a good time with, this one just doesn't fit in with all the rest. What do you do? Let it ride? Confront him, or her, or what?
Wow can I relate to your situation. I have a 20 year old daughter that is a little hottie (I've heard this about 200 times) and has dated several guys. It seems like none of the guys she has dated had any plans on going to college. My daughter just finished her 2nd year of school and it going on to get her 4 year degree in criminal justice. I think she likes feeling superior to the guys she dates. I don't have another explanation why she dates guys w/ no education or future.

The dude she is dating now is actually a HS drop out! I flipped out when my daughter told me this. She said he was going to get his GED but they have been seeing each other for over a year and he hasn't done anything towards getting his GED.

The guy is a nice guy, but his priorities right now is getting his arms sleeved out with tattoo's. He saves up a little money from the odd jobs he does and then gets more work done on his tattoo's. He never takes my daughter out for a nice dinner, never buys her anything. I told my daughter that he will have a hard time finding a job and she better plan on having to work her whole life because he will never make much money if they plan on staying together.

Both my wife and myself are praying the guy just goes away. I have told my daughter about every negative thing I could think of about him yet she still see's him all the time.

Russ
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by fishingfun View Post
First off my daughter is not leaving the house until the boy gets his ass out of the car and comes to pick her up. ABSOLUTELY!!! how else do i know the little bastard isn't wasted. also, i wanna see what he is wearing; if i see your boxers, you're borrowing a belt. i wanna know what the plans for the evening are; where they are going who they will be with and what time she will be home. Second if she is still living under my roof she goes by my rules and this BS about she is an adult is pure crap. TRUE AGAIN! i don't care if she's 18 or 38, she is still my baby and i'm doing everything i can to protect her. The guy could just be shy but that does not give him the right to not treat your daughter like a lady. I read the BS about times have changed but if he is going to drive to my home he will get out of the car and come to the door. Anything other then that is disrespect to her and the parents. For the people who say the kid probably does not want to hang out with the parents has nothing to do with him picking her up. Next time he comes to get her and sends a text have your daughter text him back to come to the door and or why don't you go to his car and explain how it works.
"i have a gun, a shovel and 25 acres, they'll never find your body! y'all have a good evening."
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:35 PM
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this might need to go away because of language. sorry mod4!
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by SouthHorn View Post
I said I was done posting on this one, but as the father of a little girl, I just can't stop looking at it. Really gives me some hope to read the last few post. I was begining to get a little worried there early in the thread. It amazes me how prevelant this candy ass position of "it's her life", nothing you can do, etc. really is. As far as I'm concerned this is exactly the kind of lazy/weak BS that is ruining this country. Somewhere along the way alot of folks apparently just said "oh well" and gave up. Sad really. As for my daughter, which it appears is going to be just as beautiful as my wife, I luckily have a quite a few more years. However, when that comes, and I know it certainly will, they better have their S&^% together all the way around. Thems just the facts

SH

There you go, I coulndn't agree with you more.
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:39 PM
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When he shows up be cleaning a pistol, ask him to sit and then explain just how you expect him to treat your daughter and the gentlman you expect him to be. All cards on the table, for all to see! You are never not going to be a parent! The only difference is when they get older you have to be more subtle!
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Cuzmondo View Post
O.K. so I need some input from others that may have been through this. First off, to give some perspective our only child is an 18 y/o dishwater blond, blue eyed senior. Very attractive, and not just Dad saying so, it's true (sorry you ain't getting pics). Very good kid, never caused any trouble, works hard at a part time job and goes to school. Planning to attend the local college next year and study Dental hygiene, Radiology or P.T. She has had a few boyfriends over the years but always were younger and none ever had a job or drove. The current bo is 21, has his own ride, takes her places and spends money on her; overall seems like a good guy, not a trouble maker, but just doesn't sit right her mother and I. Not real sociable and doesn't seem like he wants to spend any time around us. Our feelings are he's kinda swept her off her feet because he's the first guy to ever really pick her up and take her on a date and such. Most times he doesn't even come to the door; he texts her and she meets him outside. It's apparent that he's lacking a father and doesn't grasp the "gentlemanly" aspect of dating. I had to teach her last bo how to tie a tie, and this one is probably the same. He often complains of being tired after working all day and not really into the things she is. At 21 I could work 26 hrs. straight and then still hang and party with my girl with enthusiasm for hours on end. Our daughter has a bubbly fun and lively personality, while he seems dull and unmotivated. Are her mother and I making too much of this, how do you deal with these things? We really don't like the thought of spending a lot of time around him. We have lots of friends of all ages, and friends with younger adult children that we all have a good time with, this one just doesn't fit in with all the rest. What do you do? Let it ride? Confront him, or her, or what?
Wow, this sound familiar. My wife was almost 20 years old when we met and I was 26. I had a corporate level job making good money. My wife's father ignored me the first two times I picked her up. After that I just called her and said I am here and did not go in. All her father and step-mother did was talk crap about me even though they knew nothing about me.

After 3 months my wife moved in with me and her family told her what a big mistake she was making and it would not last more than 3 months. We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in May. To this day I cannot stand her father and step-mother. Maybe your daughter see's something you don't or perhaps you are just totally wrong. Either way you need to trust your daughters decision and it will play out one way or another.
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Old 03-07-2012, 12:49 PM
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Maybe next time I should check my spelling before I hit the post button. RATS!
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Sudden Strike Fishing View Post
Wow, this sound familiar. My wife was almost 20 years old when we met and I was 26. I had a corporate level job making good money. My wife's father ignored me the first two times I picked her up. After that I just called her and said I am here and did not go in. All her father and step-mother did was talk crap about me even though they knew nothing about me.

After 3 months my wife moved in with me and her family told her what a big mistake she was making and it would not last more than 3 months. We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in May. To this day I cannot stand her father and step-mother. Maybe your daughter see's something you don't or perhaps you are just totally wrong. Either way you need to trust your daughters decision and it will play out one way or another.
"It will play out one way or another"

Seriously, how in the world can you have that attitude regarding your kid!!! I understand that 18 yr olds need to start making their own decisions, but to totally throw up your hands and leave it to "luck" is beyond my comprehension. This is your flesh and blood, you stay involved 100% of your life in whatever they do, good or bad. That is the responsibility we took on as fathers when we got in between those legs many moons ago.

Your Father in-law, and step Mother-in law were lucky they got you! From what I can tell about you, they got one of the good one's. Luck should not play a part in weather or not the kid your daughter or son dates is a good person or not. As a parent you have a very strong bond with your kid, if you raised them right, no outsider will have 1/4 of the influence you have on their decision making. If she hooks up with the wrong guy, really bad things can & will happen. It really disturbs me to hear so many fathers here who simply say things like "It will play out one way or another" breaks my heart!
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