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Touchy Subject - daughters boyfriend

Old 03-06-2012, 08:10 PM
  #41  
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Originally Posted by CNC Boater View Post
Start inviting him to do things with your family. He may just be intimidated by your family.
I would do this and give him a chance
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Old 03-06-2012, 08:43 PM
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I think you're digging way too deep here. Pardon the cliche but you're going to have to slit that umbilical chord one of these days. It's her boyfriend, not yours or your wife's.

Besides, this guy will be an afterthought come college time.

Some of you guys are so out of touch it's mind numbing. Background checks, look into his eyes, pregnancy, heroine. You guys really crack me up.

Good luck my man, an 18 year old cutie is not something I ever want to deal wilth
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Old 03-06-2012, 09:10 PM
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If she is 18, how come he is the first BF with a driver's license? How old do you have to be to drive there?
Traditional dating is a thing of the past. My daughter is 28, and the only time a guy ever came to my door to pick her up in high school was prom night, so we could take pictures. She, and her girl friends, realized that it was not a smart move to isolate themselves one on one in a guy's car, and thus in his control, for hours on end, and a doorstep to doorstep night. They had their own cars, they met in public places, and went from there, usually at least two couples. They had each others' backs, and they got themselves through the good times, and the not so good. If the guys didn't act right, they got left. Are they BF/GF, or are they just dating, for how long?
You said that he doesn't always come to the door, so sometimes he does. He may have no interest in fishing, boating, or drinking beer with you. Think how much money he will save in the long run. How old are you and the wife, BTW? Don't make the mistake that the two of you, and he, are adults, and she is not. You are all adults.
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Old 03-06-2012, 09:29 PM
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Originally Posted by glacierbaze View Post
If she is 18, how come he is the first BF with a driver's license? How old do you have to be to drive there?
I thought that was a little sketchy too.

It's 16 if you time it right.

<interesting off-topic article on teen driving, or lack there-of>
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Old 03-06-2012, 09:37 PM
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If that wasmy daughter and he never came to the door I would whoop some serious sense into him on how to be a gent. You want to be treated right in my house you be a gent to my daughter. I remember when I was in HS, my first GF never frigin stopped texting. ALWAYS TEXTING. AND THIS IS IN 9TH GRADE. One of those "my Rich Daddy bought me the best phone" broads. Needless to say my mom hated her, my dad hated her, and within weeks she drove me crazy. Ended it right there. (This is totally unrelated but she is rather ugly and overweight now, so I don't feel very ashamed
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Old 03-06-2012, 10:05 PM
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When I was 19 I was going out with a beautiful 16 year old girl. She lived on a sailboat at one of the local marinas. I would walk down the dock to pick her up, but have I never meet her parents, she never asked me to meet them, conversely she has never meet mine nor have I offered. We would go out 3-4 times a week plus we worked on the little harbor ferry together. Fast foward 10 years and we are still great friends, however she works on a yacht that splits its time between NYC and Miami and I work on a tugboat 6 months out of the year, so we dont get to see either much. I still havent meet her parents and she hassnt meet mine. I wouldnt look to much into it. Maybe she doesnt want you to meet him yet and vice versa. And as far as texting her when he is there thats just the way things are these days.
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Old 03-06-2012, 11:58 PM
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With all due respect to CaptK, I think this is one of the biggest pieces of the problem. That is, this attitude of well "that's just how it's done nowadays". Who says so? The kids? I thought that parents were the ones in charge Mine sure as hell were, and it wasn't that long ago! Now if we were talking about a grown woman, making her own way, out of the house, etc. that would be a completely different story. However, I believe this young lady is still in HS living at home........Anyway, that's it for me. Proceed
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Old 03-07-2012, 02:46 AM
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Sounds like a stoner to me. Ask him in for a puff then pull a glock on him and watch him pee his pants. Film the whole thing and you can show it off at your daughters 21st bday party in a few years time.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:55 AM
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You mentioned he has no father. It may mean he doesn't know how to relate to one. Teach him and let him know in kind but firm terms what you expect of him. Start with it is common courtesy for him to come to the door. Explain you wouldlike to see him and just say "hi". He may just need to be taught a thing or two. Seems like he might be ok since he treats your daughter well and has a job. Don't zay a word go her. Let it play out. I have a 25 yo and a 21 yo. Funny story, daughther had a boyfriend and she was 20 ho.s from college. I came home and they were on couch watching tv. I walk in and he didn't get up or say hi. I introducex myself while he sat there. Daughther broke up with him that night because he didn't get up.
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Old 03-07-2012, 04:04 AM
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To me it really depends on one thing...

Is he sexually active WITH her.

Any dude that would take it to that level with my daughter ... short version, NEEDS to come to the door to pick her up.


I always dated younger chicks. I was 20 dating a 17 year old...but the parents always loved me so much that I would spend weekends at their places (one of them would even let me sleep in her room, in her bed, that girl and I actually never had full on sex because she was waiting till marriage), I'd love hanging out with their families.

At this point I'd probably tell my daughter that it bothers me that he doesn't come to the door to pick you up. You don't have to explain why - you just have to tell her it bothers you, see how they handle it.

What kind of car does he drive? What kind of clothes does he wear? What kind of interactions have you had with him...

And why no pics of the girl! We could tell a lot if you posted pics of her and him.
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Old 03-07-2012, 04:10 AM
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Originally Posted by jebsurf View Post
He could just as well walk out there and introduce himself..... I mean that's what I would/will be doing. LOL about like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRiT3ISEN3M

You beat me to it! One of my favorites!
My BIL have a similar skit ready for my nieces date!
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Monsoon View Post
Sounds like a stoner to me. Ask him in for a puff then pull a glock on him and watch him pee his pants. Film the whole thing and you can show it off at your daughters 21st bday party in a few years time.
Exacty what I was thinking.He,s to parnoid to come to the door because
he has just finished a blunt.Look at his car seats for burned seed droping
you may be surprized.I raised 2 kids and seen alot .
Sounds like you are a caring Dad and are trying to keep her on
the right track .My daughter has been married 15 years and she has told me
so many times Dad I wished I had listened to you befor I married this jerk.(2 kids now)
Good luck wish you the best.I agree 21 year old should be full of energy
ask her what will he be like in 10 years ?a complete deadbeat?
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:05 AM
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Originally Posted by GT FISH View Post
Damn if she gets pregnant bye bye college..
That makes me laugh my wife and I have an 18 mo and we are 20 and 21, do the math and don't forget to add 9 months bake time. I work fulltime she goes to school for her BSN but has a partime job and a small business that we've invested in. It's not what happens its the person it happens to. We are happy and have a plan unlike 99% of our friends. All with relatively no help from my inlaws.
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:24 AM
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Originally Posted by muffinman51432 View Post
Take him on the boat. See if he lightens up a bit, spending more time with him will make him feel comfortable!
and If you still don't like him make sure you have the concrete shoes aboard or the hammer
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:34 AM
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Wow, so many responses and all over the place too. A lot of what I'm hearing is good advice, and I appreciate all the feedback. One thing for sure, the guy is no stoner, doper, he's clean, neat, drives a nice Explorer he's tricked up a bit and takes very good care of. Somewhat mechanically inclined, so he's certainly not one of the total loser types; my daughter is way to smart to go for one of those type guys. Maybe I just expect too much. Will let it play out a while and in a tactful way explain to her what we'd like to seen in a guy.
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:35 AM
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Thankfully, my daughter cares as much about family as we (mother and I) do. Not saying yours doesn't of course. I have spent her entire life treating her with respect and dignity. I open her car door and treat her like a lady. And she deserves it. I have also explained to her what I expect from a young man if he wants to date her. She knows I will not be flexible in this area. And believe it or not, she is very grateful that I love her that much.

We have had many frank conversations about life in general. I have always been very honest with her about young men and their desires. Because of this closeness, she has always communicated with me very openly. I pray that she always stays that way.

I think a father to daughter talk would be in order here. Just to remind her how much you love her and to express your concerns. There may be a simple reason for his behavior.

Good luck.
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:35 AM
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Not coming to the door is some disrespectful ghetto sh:t in my opinion. Your daughter is an adult when she makes her own money and has her own place. Your house, your rules. Tell holmes he has to come to the door and make chit chat with you. Whats the big deal about doing that, unless he's high like previously mentioned. In which case, he's surely not taking out your only child. Helllllllll Nooooo.

As I tell my kids, if you dont like the rules, you are always free to go when you are legal to do so, and let me tell you, that makes them think about their situation.
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by njbassr View Post
Come on you can be a little more positive than that.
If she gets pregnant you could be a grandpa?
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by notgottaboatyet View Post
That makes me laugh my wife and I have an 18 mo and we are 20 and 21, do the math and don't forget to add 9 months bake time. I work fulltime she goes to school for her BSN but has a partime job and a small business that we've invested in. It's not what happens its the person it happens to. We are happy and have a plan unlike 99% of our friends. All with relatively no help from my inlaws.
Guess what? I had my son when I was 20..Went to school and got a degree to..His mother sure didn't..
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Old 03-07-2012, 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Cuzmondo View Post
Most times he doesn't even come to the door; he texts her and she meets him outside.
i would calmly explain to him that my daughter answers to the doorbell and not a text.
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