Go Back  The Hull Truth - Boating and Fishing Forum > BOATING FORUMS > Dockside Chat
Reload this Page >

Touchy Subject - daughters boyfriend

Notices

Touchy Subject - daughters boyfriend

Old 03-06-2012, 06:13 PM
  #21  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 194
Default

Invite the guy to go out fishing with you and your daughter. Observe whether the guy is helpful, or tries to be helpful, whether he is protective of your daughter, etc. Trips like that will give you an idea of what kind of guy he is.

Pete
redneckjigs is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:14 PM
  #22  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: East Coast
Posts: 4,974
Default

Originally Posted by njbassr View Post
I understand she's 18 and technically an adult but dam. he doesn't have enough decency to meet her at door and atleast say hi to the parents when he picks her up.sounds to me he has some character issues.
He could just as well walk out there and introduce himself..... I mean that's what I would/will be doing. LOL about like this...

ShaftINIT is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:17 PM
  #23  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Jupiter,FL
Posts: 1,062
Default

Damn if she gets pregnant bye bye college..
GT FISH is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:18 PM
  #24  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Gulf Breeze, Florida
Posts: 1,338
Default

Originally Posted by njbassr View Post
I understand she's 18 and technically an adult but dam. he doesn't have enough decency to meet her at door and atleast say hi to the parents when he picks her up.sounds to me he has some character issues.
Yep, that's what I'm thinking. I understand him not wanting to hang out with us all the time, but heck I'd think he'd at least want to show his face and let us know what they're up to. Yes, she is 18, but still in High School and living in our home.
Cuzmondo is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:30 PM
  #25  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 104
Default

My concern is 21YRS old and tired all the time after work?
Does he have an eight hour a day job and work at night?
Or like my clients,shipyard,eight hours on,eight off or twenty straight.
If it's an eight and I got a date,I'd be worried he's tired from depression
or drugs.
I had a cousin in her early twenties who died of a heroin O.D. nobody
in the family new her or the boyfriend were on it until she broke up with
him.
She came clean with her parents,went to a final,unsupervised meeting
with her ex whom said he wanted to clean up also.
She was found dead the next day with needle in arm.
Doctor said she could have never injected herself with that much heroin,
someone else pushed the plunger,early 70's,DNA not a factor.
Not trying to scare the shit out of you or anybody reading this but it was
the first thing I thought about when reading this post since my sister
corrected me about a conversation with friends where I stated I had never
known anyone who had been murdered.
Visit to Texas when I was 10YRS old was for her funeral.
R.I.P. cousin Lucy........
If drugs are involved he will stay as far away from connecting with the family
and avoid get togethers.
Just my 45yr old opinion of experince through life and living in the hood all
my life.
rudetruth is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:33 PM
  #26  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: SEC Penna
Posts: 8,765
Default

Another intimidated vote. My wife's family is big, open, fun, touchy-feely, and very involved in each others lives. My family, notsomuch - only child and let's just say my house wasn't like Leave it to Beaver. Her family forced me to be involved and seen and at the time it did make me uneasy but I understand it now. Even after 33 yrs I'm still apprehensive around my wife's family.

Don't kiss his butt but I'd continue to do what you can to make him feel welcome and comfortable. Have an open mind but pay attention to your instincts.
kone is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:35 PM
  #27  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 674
Default

Originally Posted by GT FISH View Post
Damn if she gets pregnant bye bye college..
Come on you can be a little more positive than that.
njbassr is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:41 PM
  #28  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,913
Default

Invite him in, show him your gun collection. See if he would like to go shooting with you. Spell his name across a target.
ericinmich is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:42 PM
  #29  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 676
Default

Wow; I rarely reply on THT, but feel compelled to respond here. First, there are no right answers. You are going to have to "muddle" through this situation. If your daughter is as nice as you have suggested, you may want to take some time to have a daughter/dad talk. Take her to a nice resturant and tell her you are PROUD of her, she has always made you HAPPY, and you want the BEST for her. Tell her you only are telling her this because you haven't seemed to connect with her boyfriend. Tell her you are sure she is using good judgement in this relationship and ASK her if she can suggest some way for you to get to know her boyfriend better. Ask, is there something the two of you can do together to become closer.
Leave on the note that you want her to have a happy and healthy relationship similar to you and your wife.

I offer you these suggestions; because unfortunately I didn't do any of this. My daughter dated someone I didn't like. Our relationship detetiated. She went off to college, became a vegitarian, quickly began eliminating additional foods (vegan), and progressed to anorexia. She went through therapy. That escalated to outpatient care. And finally she became so unhealthy that she went into hospital care.

After years of hell on earth; she is now healthy, married to a wonderful husband (not the guy she was dating), and getting her phd at an ivy league university.

She loves sushi, so we ocassionally get together at a sushi bar and have daughter/dad talks. I wish I had tried it earlier.

I wish you all the luck in the world.
5th
5th Tuition is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:47 PM
  #30  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 104
Default

Wow!!!!

Glad that worked out.
rudetruth is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:47 PM
  #31  
Admirals ClubCaptains Club Member Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Birmingham / Hessel, MI
Posts: 26,971
Default

For me, not coming in the house to pick her up could be a bad sign.

Personally, I would want to see his eyes and overall condition before he takes my daughter out.

I'd also run a background check ASAP.

Course, I never had kids... but I do have grandkids.

Whoever dates my grandaughter will have to pee in a cup.
cedarholm is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:48 PM
  #32  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 2,243
Default

I have two daughters who are young so I haven't hit this stage yet. However, as a guy who dated I can say he's obviously not socially adept if he's not smart enough to realize that dating a younger girl looks suspicious so he should at least come to the door. That is a red flag to me. But, she is an adult. Guess you have to do your best to make him feel included and let your daughter hopefully see what you and your wife do. No easy answer on this one. I'd say invite him to do something with you , alone. You'll know then what his intentions are.
Welshtrustee is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:48 PM
  #33  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ft Lauderdale Fl
Posts: 5,990
Default

Originally Posted by cedarholm View Post
For me, not coming in the house to pick her up could be a bad sign.

Personally, I would want to see his eyes and overall condition before he takes my daughter out.

I'd also run a background check ASAP.

Course, I never had kids... but I do have grandkids.

Whoever dates my grandaughter will have to pee in a cup.
Gonna keep her single for awhile huh?
bumster is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:50 PM
  #34  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Ft Lauderdale Fl
Posts: 5,990
Default

Originally Posted by Welshtrustee View Post
I have two daughters who are young so I haven't hit this stage yet. However, as a guy who dated I can say he's obviously not socially adept if he's not smart enough to realize that dating a younger girl looks suspicious so he should at least come to the door. That is a red flag to me. But, she is an adult. Guess you have to do your best to make him feel included and let your daughter hopefully see what you and your wife do. No easy answer on this one. I'd say invite him to do something with you , alone. You'll know then what his intentions are.
Its a 2 yr difference. Its not like he's 30
Ive never dated a woman my exact age.Some were younger and others were older
bumster is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:52 PM
  #35  
Admirals ClubCaptains Club Member Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Birmingham / Hessel, MI
Posts: 26,971
Default

Originally Posted by bumster View Post
Gonna keep her single for awhile huh?
The pee cup was a joke.

The background check is just that...a check of his background. Lots of people do it.

Could be money well spent.
cedarholm is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:55 PM
  #36  
Senior MemberCaptains Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location:
Posts: 9,907
Default

Walk her out to the car to check him out, but be nice!
No better way to push her into the arms of a shit bird than
to be openly hostile to the guy!
Good luck!
mronzo is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 06:58 PM
  #37  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 104
Default

Speaking of backround checks,step son's buddy just had a kid.
While the girfriend was preganant,them living together,he would
go off to shoot pool all the time not returning until wee hour's in
the morning.
Enter girl's mom,ex-gogo-dancer turned PI to get her life straight.
Tracking devices on both their vehicles reveales he has been out all
these night's doing coke.
She new where he got it and from whom and more or less said this
stop's now or everyone go's to jail.
Wake up call for him worked,dealer still dealing.
rudetruth is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 07:17 PM
  #38  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,070
Default

Originally Posted by PMaine View Post
When I was dating my wife my in-laws did this, she ended up moving out the next week, they not only lost their daughter for a short time but when they are old and need help I will always remember the hardships/drama they caused when we were just trying to put ourselves through college.............
This is great, my MIL. has no retirement, mean, judgmental, and above all rums as a doorknob. Old age is slowing her down a bit now and I remember what a pita he was/is hopefully no nursing home for her. To me that's not living anyway.

I am the 21 yr old that mommies and daddys fear. I've got my own house truck mancave/shop and working on a boat don't get me started on what all I've gotten my spoiled wifey. Don't worry fathers I'm already happily married with a son of my own. Damnit I'm tired of hearing about some pissant 20-something that can't get their sht straight. I have and I don't want a Fkn high five but some kids want a shoulder to cry on "its so hard".

Beer+boat+range time=FIL of the year!

Hell I've got 2 and none have done anything like that (step father)
notgottaboatyet is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 07:55 PM
  #39  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 198
Default

Wow, interesting to see the different responses here. Maybe I'm just a hard ass, but I can't imagine some 21 yr old pulling up to my house and not at least coming to the door! Bottom line, I have a 2 yr old little girl and another on the way, and this simply won't be tolerated. This idea that it's her life, nothing you can do, etc. is BS in my opinion. As long as they are living I'm my house, it will be my rules thumbsup:
SouthHorn is offline  
Old 03-06-2012, 07:57 PM
  #40  
Admirals Club Admiral's Club Member
THT sponsor
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,585
Default

Hmmm, I have 2 daughters 17 and 19, I dont like most of the boys that come around and I let the girls know. There are a few I do like, they come in hang around are courteous, polite etc. I'm mean to most of the boys and they are scared of me, so they say. I usually open carry around the house and yard, so they know I'll bust a cap (j/k). So far so good, both my girls have a good head and dont get in any trouble to speak of, usually on time etc. good luck
tomanyboats is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread