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Is it OK to ask your kid if they are gay or bi-sexual?

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Is it OK to ask your kid if they are gay or bi-sexual?

Old 02-16-2012, 03:16 PM
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Default Is it OK to ask your kid if they are gay or bi-sexual?

I've got a buddy that's been talking to me about his 17 year old daughter. She used to have guys calling and coming around but now it's just girls. She has a comment on her Facebook "who needs men when there are so many beautiful women?"

He asked me I were in his position would I ask if she is gay or bi-sexual. I told him I probably wouldn't ask, it will come out sooner or later. Both him and his wife are totally stressed out about it and they both want to know.

Is it OK to ask your kids if they are gay or bi-sexual? Would it be more acceptable to ask your son -vs- asking your daughter? Would you ask your kids if you thought you kid was gay or bi-sexual?


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Old 02-16-2012, 03:25 PM
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Unless he/she were sexually active, how would THEY know weather they are gay or bi-sexual ;?
Does'nt matter, there your children, love them no matter !
Old 02-16-2012, 03:26 PM
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Talking to your kids about sex is not a question of "is it okay?"; it is a matter of responsibility.

Quite apparently, you buddy has not established any open comms with his daughter about sex and sexuality.

This might be the time for him to start. Odds are that the kid is really wanting mom & dad to be caring enough to be interested.


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Old 02-16-2012, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Snapper Head View Post
Talking to your kids about sex is not a question of "is it okay?"; it is a matter of responsibility.

Quite apparently, you buddy has not established any open comms with his daughter about sex and sexuality.
Old 02-16-2012, 03:33 PM
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and I thought it was like the military don't ask don't tell.. huh
Old 02-16-2012, 03:35 PM
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Originally Posted by A Few Dollars View Post

X2
Old 02-16-2012, 03:38 PM
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Before asking this question, your friend should consider all the possible answers and how he would deal with each one. Getting an unexpected answer to a sensitive question like that and acting like a deer in the headlights is not a good way to start this discussion with the daughter.

Roughly 10% of adults are gay, according to the stats I've seen. It happens, it's not the end of the world.
Old 02-16-2012, 03:43 PM
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I think your friend needs to have a talk overall with his daughter about overall sexuality

call me old fashioned, prejudiced or what ever term someone can latch onto, but I have found that when teens especially start in with posting their sex life and their sexual preferences (gay straight or anything that moves) all over the WWW, on their forehead, on their Tshirts, all over their car or the walls of their room......you are dealing with a teen that is not happy with themselves and is seeking attention and some type of affirmation.....often these teens feel that they can find that affirmation through overt sexuality especially since the media loves to over sexualize teens and preteens and more so they love to float out the idea that you can find self happiness through having indiscriminate sex with anything and everything that will have sex with you

often this just leads to more of the same and a further downward spiral as these desperate for attention teens find themselves in short term over sexed and unfulfilling "relationships" that are not based on actual feelings, common things, building truly happy companionship, but instead on getting your jollies and then waking up feeling used and hurt and unwanted

look at all the "out" celebrities and look at what an emotional wreck they are and even look at the "straight" celebrities that are out there preaching the idea of if it feels good do it.....you will see addicted losers that have a huge wake of broken relationships, ****ed up kids, addiction, lack of trust, and desperation combined with reckless behaviors galore

your friend needs to start building a relationship with their daughter and they need to start finding the things they can do with their daughter that will interest her and allow them to spend actual quality time together as parents and child (not just going to the mall and buying more shoes or some clothing that exposed too much undergarments)

look at the charlie sheens, the george michales, boy georgios, paris hiltons, lindsy lohans, michael jacksons, robert downey Jrs (living the less than zero lifestyle) and all the other addicted and over sexed freaks in our society on a life long train wreck and then look at what their parents did in their formative years....then do the exact opposite
Old 02-16-2012, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by RussH View Post
Both him and his wife are totally stressed out about it and they both want to know.
My impression is that the daughter being gay is a fair assumption, and it's also a fair assumption that the parents know this and are scared witless.

While admirable that some new form of bonding with the daughter needs to be tried, there's the more likely outcome that a shouting match will occur between them.

Is there some kind of "Parents of kids that are gay" forum so they can talk their fears and anger out with other adults who have been there, done that?


My son's FIL "supposedly" doesn't know that his 32 year old son might be gay. This is a kid who's never dated and wears, looks, and talks the swisher lifestyle. Denial is what's most comfortable for a lot of people when it comes to family weirdness, isn't it?
Old 02-16-2012, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Snapper Head View Post
Talking to your kids about sex is not a question of "is it okay?"; it is a matter of responsibility.

Quite apparently, you buddy has not established any open comms with his daughter about sex and sexuality.

This might be the time for him to start. Odds are that the kid is really wanting mom & dad to be caring enough to be interested.


Big Al

What he said.
Old 02-16-2012, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Snapper Head View Post
Talking to your kids about sex is not a question of "is it okay?"; it is a matter of responsibility.

Quite apparently, you buddy has not established any open comms with his daughter about sex and sexuality.

This might be the time for him to start. Odds are that the kid is really wanting mom & dad to be caring enough to be interested.


Big Al

Ditto...
Old 02-16-2012, 03:59 PM
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The fact that Mom and Dad are "stressing" out over this says they should let it go. Having a confrontation over this, and it will be a confrontation otherwise Mom and Dad would not have any issues with being gay is not going to change anything
I agree parents should have the conversations about sex with their kids but that conversation and the one that starts out , Are you gay are very different
Old 02-16-2012, 04:24 PM
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My friends son was one who was ""shy" and did not associate much with others his age. A "loner". When he turned 19 he told his parents that he *thinks* he is gay. They spent a lot of $$$ on psycologists trying to convert him back, to no avail. This was 10 years ago.
My friend, being an ex redneck farm boy, still does not acept it, but his wife accepted this almost right from the "coming out" The son now lives with his S.O.
To the OP: I would strongly advise your friend to get the girl, the wife and himself in the living room and discuss this with their daughter. If she's crying out for help. get it. If shes serious about it, he has 2 choises, to accept or not.
Old 02-16-2012, 04:32 PM
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Your friend certainly should open communication.

The daughter could also be acting out the latest 'pseudo lesbian' fad among teen girls.
Old 02-16-2012, 04:37 PM
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Just a simple lack of boating. I think that would fix a most of it.
Old 02-16-2012, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by cedarholm View Post
Your friend certainly should open communication.

The daughter could also be acting out the latest 'pseudo lesbian' fad among teen girls.
That's what I'm thinking. When I was in school I was "friends" with a chick that went both ways... it was a fad. Experimentation.

Then again, when a chick does it, that's great (I had the hots for my "friend" - which must have been a trend since my wife and I were "friends" for a 1-1/2 years before we started dating.).

When a guy does it... well... there's a double-standard there. IMHO. (No offense to any gay THT members...)
Old 02-16-2012, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by cedarholm View Post
Your friend certainly should open communication.

The daughter could also be acting out the latest 'pseudo lesbian' fad among teen girls.

There is an upside.
If she is gay he wont have to worry about taking care of his unwed too young of a daughters baby.
Old 02-16-2012, 04:55 PM
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[quote=bumster;4371643
I agree parents should have the conversations about sex with their kids but that conversation and the one that starts out , Are you gay are very different[/quote]

I had to read that sentence several times! Punctuation is important! ;? "I agree parents should have the conversations about sex with their kids"


'Let's eat Grandma!' or, 'Let's eat, Grandma!' Punctuation saves lives.
Old 02-16-2012, 04:58 PM
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Like most 17 year old kids, the last thing they want to discuss is their sex life with their parents. I don't know if they ever had the talk with her, but they have 3 girls so I'm pretty sure they have had the sex talk.

The parents are very religious people and very active in their church. I have to believe if she is gay it will be a major problem with the parents. I would be surprised if she would be honest and admit she is gay or bisexual knowing what will likely happen.

I have no problem w/ gay or bisexual women but I would have a problem if I found out my daughter was. I have a very close relationship with my daughter, so close she tells me things that I would rather not know. I don't know why it would bother me but it would.


Russ
Old 02-16-2012, 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by RussH View Post
...Is it OK to ask your kids if they are gay or bi-sexual?...
Of course.

I had a girlfriend when I was young who said, "I think I might be gay"?

I immediately asked, "Does that mean you will stop de-chroming my trailer hitch"?

She said, "Nope".

Things continued just like before.

Young girls might question their sexuality or purpose or goals, etc... but, it's just part of maturing and learning. Tell the parents to be open to whatever their child is questioning and exploring and try to help her work through the questions. And if she is lucky, she might have a understanding, boyfriend like I was.

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