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Help...suicidal friend???

Old 04-27-2011, 08:59 AM
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Default Help...suicidal friend???

First, NO! I'm NOT the one who is suicidal, trying to reach out pretending to be seeking advice to help a friend, this is REAL.

My friend, of over 20 years, broke up with a woman he had been with over three years. He had been married, has two beautiful kids, is divorced & has been about seven or eight years. So, he has always been emotionally unstable, in that he has a super hot temper, holds all his thoughts & feelings inside until he explodes (not physically abusive to anyone) and was VERY unhappy in his first marriage, and I can't fault him that...she was not for him, to put it mildly.

He had a rough childhood, and most of his emotional issues are from such. A non-existent father, an alcoholic mother with abusive boy friends, (she is doing well NOW...finally got it together, now that she is in her 60's...but, o.k., good) and, he left home at 14 or 15, living with friends, ALWAYS working several jobs at once, not a bumat all. He rarely drank and never did drugs, which, is amazing based on everything that could have happened.

So...he broke up with her, details are scetchy, as he won't talk about it much in detail. This was over a year ago. He finally saw a shrink & that made him realize, in his words, "how bad I screwed up". Problem is, he hasn't the "tools", if you will, to work on his feelings & revalations, and he stopped seeing the shrink a while ago. He said the shrink made him feel worse, made him see all his mistakes, etc.,

He has been texting & calling me alot this week, and, he is talking things like "I thought last night was it" and suicidal stuff...I can't baby sit him 24/7 and her won't listen to anything I try to get through to him. I'm no shrink, I can only do so much. He needs real help...but I can't force him to go & get help, either.

If I contact his family(he has 2 sisters who love him dearly, his mother, and, a brother who is a drunk, spineless thief) I don't know what he may do, how he may react. They all live in other states, hours away.

Does anyone here have experience with something like this? I need to help him, before he does attempt suicide...and, I don't know if he actually will, but, I have a strange feeling he IS serious. He owns several guns, pistols & rifles, so, he has the means to do it. I know he has been getting drunk alot the past several months, going out with "friends" who party hard...I don't drink, so, I don't go out with them...that part of my life is long behind me, anyway. He told me he has been blacking out, doing things & not remembering doing them.

Any advice how to help my friend? Thanks.
Old 04-27-2011, 09:12 AM
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You are in WAY over your head....call the police, NOW, let them know that he is suicidal, and has weapons in the house....most states have some type of "baker act" that allows for involuntary admission to a mental health unit....keep it safe....
Old 04-27-2011, 09:16 AM
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911
Old 04-27-2011, 09:18 AM
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Call his sisters and mother immediately.
Old 04-27-2011, 09:19 AM
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This is not a do it yourself issue. There are pros out there who deal with this stuff everyday. Not meaning to sound cold but don't become a statistic. Seek professional help, lots of great boating advice here but not the place to seek this sort of advice.
Old 04-27-2011, 09:24 AM
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I had a few major things happen in my personal life over the past couple years. Other than death or dibilitating illness, it doesn't get any worse than what I went through. Very wicked and cruel stuff. The few people that know the truth were in shock and disbelief. I genuinely believe I was on the fringe. Becoming a Christian is what saved me. I used to always think that just because I wasn't doing anything wrong (ie. cheat, steal, lie, etc.) that I was doing everything right in God's eyes. WRONG ! ! !

I still struggle, but I am able to cope due to my new found faith.
Old 04-27-2011, 10:27 AM
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Get him professional help as fast as you can. When you are in fear he may harm himself the mental health authorities have ways to have him commited. It sounds like the "ism" of alcoholism is eating him alive. You are right. He needs help.
Mike
Old 04-27-2011, 10:31 AM
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Like slickster said, I think just about everywhere has something similiar to the "baker act". I know around here if the word "suicide" is mentioned the local mental health agency and LE work together.
Old 04-27-2011, 10:36 AM
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Most states have certain ways to help,
In Florida there is

1. Baker Act- Police have reason to believe your friend wants to hurt himself (made threats etc.) He is taken into custody for involuntary exam at mental facility.

2. Ex parte Order - An order issued by a judge after sworn testimony by family and friends. Involuntary pick up order also to take him to the mental facility.

3. Profession certificate- Done by a doctor or clinical nurse or psychaitrist for an involuntary exam

All three of these are involuntary and he is transported by police to a facility (IN FLORIDA).

NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE (I am sure they can help guide you on what to do to help your friend.

1-800-273-8255

Do something NOW or if the worst happens, it will eat you up.. Good Luck
Old 04-27-2011, 10:57 AM
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Get him professional help and be there for him as a friend. He will hit bottom. Just being there for him will make it easier for him.
Old 04-27-2011, 07:26 PM
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Help remind him that life is worth living.

1st, round up a few buddies and head out on the water for a great day of fishing. Then round up a few girls for that night and get him laid.
Old 04-27-2011, 08:29 PM
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Sorry for the font and size....obviously this computer is f....ing up!

I have been that road three times now. The two were really bad off and the other was just realizing that he was having great difficulty in coping. All three (two guys and a girl) were only associates through work or school, not really what I would call friends. For some reason or another all three turned to me on their own accord for help and guidance. I am Not a doctor. I have only touched the surface with some schooling.

I'll tell you, on one hand I felt honored to be called upon and that others felt that I had what they needed to help them sort out their lives and make their demons go away. But that is the end of the rosy picture.

IMO if one is to start down the road with someone then their journey becomes your journey. You become their life line to this world and to their hopes. You are leaned upon to make the sunshine come out and you become their inspiration for smiles and laughter. I donít recall how many collect calls I excepted at 1 Ė 3 Ė 4:00 in the morning and then had to drive a couple of hours to go pick them up from where ever. I had to cancel or put work off to deal with some of their crisis or do without sleep or meals. They become the scab on an infected cut. BUT, when you get them turned around it all makes it worth it!

With a cut anyone can see if things are doing well or not, but itís not as easy to look into a personís mind. So the skills one needs to bring to the table best be enough if one is going to go down that road with a troubled person. Iíll tell yah I was certainly taxed numerous times by some of their curve balls and antics! From laughter to uncontrollable crying within seconds of each other, back and forth it goes aroundÖ.you best know how to latch onto them and pull them out safely. Dilutions, paranoia, depression, highs, lows and even the presence of split personalities are all things you might have to deal withÖ..from my experience, it can get PRETTY INTENCE!

Iíve dealt with these peopleís family, the police and health wards (mental institutions). I had to talk one individual to put his inheritance into a trust fund so he didnít give it away to every stranger he met.

Two out of the three had the police involved (was not my doing). The one I had to sign the person into my control and take him home with me (there was no sleep that night). I donít know what the police do in different regions/ states, but up here they do very little. Basically their involvement is only to insure the unstable doesnít commit a crime against property, others or violate them self in a harmful manor. If I had anything to do with matters I would NOT involve the police! I do not like the record hanging around the personís neck for the rest of their lifeÖ.but each individual is a case of their own.

Iíve signed people into mental institutions and Iíve signed them out. Iíve been registered as their guardian. Iíve had to do the twice daily visits and have correspondence with their doctors.
∑ The facilities Iíve signed these people in and out of are not of the white padded room variety, there were 8 x 10í personal living spaces with regular privacy doors. The rooms do have windows in the doors and beside the doors but the patient can choose to put curtains on and draw them. There was a comfortable bed with dresser. The patient is advised and encouraged to furnish their room as they see fitÖ.great tool for the doctors!

In the two cases I dealt with, IMPO the facility didnít do enough. Exposure to the doctors was on a daily bases (one hours) at first and then once a week. IMO the facility was nothing more than a place which limited the patientís ability to do harm and wander around aimlessly. IMO the facility was geared around the patient was no longer a family problem, but a states problem, so the state houses and feeds them. If the patient can not help them self then their stay will be a lengthy one.

Again I say I am not a social worker or a shrink (doctor). My schooling and my personal first hand experience in dealing with a trouble life is just enough to make me dangerous. So far luckily I am 4/0, the forth being myself.

Thatís an overview of what Iíve experienced and have had to deal with. In all three cases I had dealt with I had one major advantage over you and your friend. The three came to me asking for help and therefore I had their trust from the minute go. You on the other hand can not seem to get your friend to open up and let you in. Note: no help or gains can be made if the troubled person doesnít want it!!!

If you want to talk about this further PM me. I hope your friend finds the support he needs.
Ö..the lose of things in life is not a reason for ending things, it only means things are different and not as hoped for, expected or planned.
Old 04-27-2011, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Brad1 View Post
Help remind him that life is worth living.

1st, round up a few buddies and head out on the water for a great day of fishing. Then round up a few girls for that night and get him laid.
This would be my approach also. If it see's that he is enjoying himself and he seems happy, I would try to then invite him to more fishing trips to let him have a blast so he can remember that there are other fun things in life you could occupy yourself with. If all that doesn't work then I would get him to invest into some Duloxetine/Cymbalta. Also when fishing try to avoid the alcohol because its a CNS depressant and in the long run will lead to more suicidal thoughts.
Old 04-28-2011, 04:26 AM
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No alcohol!

He needs a support group ASAP and there are plenty out there for myriad problems. Call a suicide hotline today and convince him to get his ass to a support group TODAY!

If you invoke the Baker Act he will have big problems later......having him involuntarily committed will screw up his life later(unless you really think he's becoming psychotic).
Old 04-28-2011, 04:46 AM
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Wow, this sounds so familar with a situation that I'm on the perpheriphal (sp) of right now, only it deals with a female that I really care for and well, I'm reading every post very thoroughly to try and learn anything that might help. I don't want to derail this thread as there is so much to be learned from others and thier experiences. Please keep the input and experiences coming.
Old 04-28-2011, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Garett View Post
Sorry for the font and size....obviously this computer is f....ing up!

I have been that road three times now. The two were really bad off and the other was just realizing that he was having great difficulty in coping. All three (two guys and a girl) were only associates through work or school, not really what I would call friends. For some reason or another all three turned to me on their own accord for help and guidance. I am Not a doctor. I have only touched the surface with some schooling.

I'll tell you, on one hand I felt honored to be called upon and that others felt that I had what they needed to help them sort out their lives and make their demons go away. But that is the end of the rosy picture.

IMO if one is to start down the road with someone then their journey becomes your journey. You become their life line to this world and to their hopes. You are leaned upon to make the sunshine come out and you become their inspiration for smiles and laughter. I donít recall how many collect calls I excepted at 1 Ė 3 Ė 4:00 in the morning and then had to drive a couple of hours to go pick them up from where ever. I had to cancel or put work off to deal with some of their crisis or do without sleep or meals. They become the scab on an infected cut. BUT, when you get them turned around it all makes it worth it!

With a cut anyone can see if things are doing well or not, but itís not as easy to look into a personís mind. So the skills one needs to bring to the table best be enough if one is going to go down that road with a troubled person. Iíll tell yah I was certainly taxed numerous times by some of their curve balls and antics! From laughter to uncontrollable crying within seconds of each other, back and forth it goes aroundÖ.you best know how to latch onto them and pull them out safely. Dilutions, paranoia, depression, highs, lows and even the presence of split personalities are all things you might have to deal withÖ..from my experience, it can get PRETTY INTENCE!

Iíve dealt with these peopleís family, the police and health wards (mental institutions). I had to talk one individual to put his inheritance into a trust fund so he didnít give it away to every stranger he met.

Two out of the three had the police involved (was not my doing). The one I had to sign the person into my control and take him home with me (there was no sleep that night). I donít know what the police do in different regions/ states, but up here they do very little. Basically their involvement is only to insure the unstable doesnít commit a crime against property, others or violate them self in a harmful manor. If I had anything to do with matters I would NOT involve the police! I do not like the record hanging around the personís neck for the rest of their lifeÖ.but each individual is a case of their own.

Iíve signed people into mental institutions and Iíve signed them out. Iíve been registered as their guardian. Iíve had to do the twice daily visits and have correspondence with their doctors.
∑ The facilities Iíve signed these people in and out of are not of the white padded room variety, there were 8 x 10í personal living spaces with regular privacy doors. The rooms do have windows in the doors and beside the doors but the patient can choose to put curtains on and draw them. There was a comfortable bed with dresser. The patient is advised and encouraged to furnish their room as they see fitÖ.great tool for the doctors!

In the two cases I dealt with, IMPO the facility didnít do enough. Exposure to the doctors was on a daily bases (one hours) at first and then once a week. IMO the facility was nothing more than a place which limited the patientís ability to do harm and wander around aimlessly. IMO the facility was geared around the patient was no longer a family problem, but a states problem, so the state houses and feeds them. If the patient can not help them self then their stay will be a lengthy one.

Again I say I am not a social worker or a shrink (doctor). My schooling and my personal first hand experience in dealing with a trouble life is just enough to make me dangerous. So far luckily I am 4/0, the forth being myself.

Thatís an overview of what Iíve experienced and have had to deal with. In all three cases I had dealt with I had one major advantage over you and your friend. The three came to me asking for help and therefore I had their trust from the minute go. You on the other hand can not seem to get your friend to open up and let you in. Note: no help or gains can be made if the troubled person doesnít want it!!!

If you want to talk about this further PM me. I hope your friend finds the support he needs.
Ö..the lose of things in life is not a reason for ending things, it only means things are different and not as hoped for, expected or planned.
You are a hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Old 04-28-2011, 07:04 AM
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Call for professional help now. I lost a close friend to a suicide via handgun. It is 25 years later and I still regret that I didn't get him help in time. Access to a pistol makes things very final very quickly.
Old 04-28-2011, 07:07 AM
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The scary thing is sometimes, suicidal people with guns go on shooting sprees in hopes the police will end their misery. (i.e. they aren't brave enough to do it themselves) and end up taking other lives in the process.

I agree about calling the police. They need to at least confiscate the weapons.
Old 04-28-2011, 03:41 PM
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Ive been through this before with my father. Call the police and have him baker acted. He will be held 72 hrs in a mental health facility. You stepping in to help him will not make him do anything to him self, so dont worry about that. It sounds to me like he is crying out, therefore it is your time to step in and do your best to help.
Old 04-28-2011, 04:42 PM
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his actions show he is reaching out for help! get it for him before its to late, any means possible. dont wait for the note! life is very hard these days and no one should be ashamed to call a buddy out. he will thank you for saving him.

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