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A lot of talk about divorce lately... thought I'd pass this along.

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A lot of talk about divorce lately... thought I'd pass this along.

Old 11-04-2010, 05:22 AM
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Default A lot of talk about divorce lately... thought I'd pass this along.

Pretty good study IMHO:
http://ce.byu.edu/cw/fuf/archives/20...Barlow2002.pdf

Pete
Old 11-04-2010, 06:45 AM
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Wow, thanks for sharing that. Very good and informative read.
Old 11-04-2010, 07:12 AM
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Good stuff Pete. Thanks for sharing.
Old 11-04-2010, 07:16 AM
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Interesting read. I have been married 22 years and it has not been all bliss, but we seem to some how work it out. I sometimes wonder about the couples that seem to be perfect together after 15 or more years of marriage. Is it a front or can a perfect marriage exist?
Old 11-04-2010, 07:42 AM
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Makes you wonder how many people would still get divorced if they read (and understood) this type of thing.

Happy others find it interesting too.
Old 11-04-2010, 07:47 AM
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Interesting read. I'm sure at least 90% of us have at least thought about it.
Old 11-04-2010, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Sprockets View Post
Interesting read. I'm sure at least 90% of us have at least thought about it.
I've got 40 years in on this and I know that statement to be true. We all thought about it at one time or another but we worked it out. Best thing we ever did was move out of state away from her family. That cured about 75 percent of the problems.
Old 11-04-2010, 09:30 AM
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My wife is a divorce lawyer. Much of what I read here seems true. Wife has many stories and it never really ends up good for anyone. Mind you, many of the clients have abusive parners, many are drunks or druggies.

So many lately are breaking up their marriages to rekindle their long lost love that has been found on Facebook. What a load of crap that is. Usually its some parasite on Facebook who has nothing going on in his life but has plenty of time to hover over his old flame while the poor husband is out busting his ass at work. The slut wife complains that the husband doesn't show her any attention and is never home. Boo hoo.

Poor bastard husband gets taken down by the judges and lawyers and is basically broke for the next 20 years, sometimes more. Living on dollar meals in a crap ass apartment.

On top of that the wife abandons the kids with the father to go party with Jose Amore for the next 6 months until Jose dumps her sorry needy fat ass.

Some are the other way around where the husband is a big POS loser and the wife has to get out while she still can.

My wife does tell the clients where she sees that the circumstances don't warrant a divorce (abuse, drugs, etc.) to seek other help, counseling etc... in order to save themselves from both being broke and their kids having a very high chance of failing in life. Tough it out in other words. Make it work. If not comes back and see me in 6-12 months if you still cannot work it out.

We just celebrated our 23 year anniversary, happily I might add.
Old 11-04-2010, 09:34 AM
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Anything worth-while requires work at times... I have a couple of buddies who got divorced and remarried and arent any happier in their relationships (so they fish more now). In the meantime, they are missing a lot of time with their kids growing up and not sharing the time with the mother of their kids.
Old 11-04-2010, 09:35 AM
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What are the wives doing while these guys are out fishing all the time........................
Old 11-04-2010, 09:41 AM
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Wait BYU isn't that a Mormon school ? HHMMNNN

The term derives from the Book of Mormon, a sacred text published in 1830 regarded by the faith as a supplemental Testament to the Bible. Dictated by Joseph Smith, Jr., the text claims to be an ancient chronicle of a fallen and lost indigenous American nation, compiled by the prophet–warrior Mormon and his son Moroni, the last of his Nephite people. The term Mormon was initially a derogatory term applied to Latter Day Saints in the 1830s, but soon was embraced by the faith. Because the term became identified with polygamy in the mid-to-late-19th century, some Latter Day Saint denominations who never practiced polygamy have renounced the term.

Polygamy - I guess people get divorced because the husband is too tired
How high are the Viagra sales in that area.
Old 11-04-2010, 09:59 AM
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Originally Posted by PJJR View Post
Wait BYU isn't that a Mormon school ? HHMMNNN

The term derives from the Book of Mormon, a sacred text published in 1830 regarded by the faith as a supplemental Testament to the Bible. Dictated by Joseph Smith, Jr., the text claims to be an ancient chronicle of a fallen and lost indigenous American nation, compiled by the prophet–warrior Mormon and his son Moroni, the last of his Nephite people. The term Mormon was initially a derogatory term applied to Latter Day Saints in the 1830s, but soon was embraced by the faith. Because the term became identified with polygamy in the mid-to-late-19th century, some Latter Day Saint denominations who never practiced polygamy have renounced the term.

Polygamy - I guess people get divorced because the husband is too tired
How high are the Viagra sales in that area.
LOL. Let's focus on the study...

Originally Posted by ESSRTEE8 View Post
My wife is a divorce lawyer. Much of what I read here seems true. Wife has many stories and it never really ends up good for anyone. Mind you, many of the clients have abusive parners, many are drunks or druggies.

So many lately are breaking up their marriages to rekindle their long lost love that has been found on Facebook. What a load of crap that is. Usually its some parasite on Facebook who has nothing going on in his life but has plenty of time to hover over his old flame while the poor husband is out busting his ass at work. The slut wife complains that the husband doesn't show her any attention and is never home. Boo hoo.

Poor bastard husband gets taken down by the judges and lawyers and is basically broke for the next 20 years, sometimes more. Living on dollar meals in a crap ass apartment.

On top of that the wife abandons the kids with the father to go party with Jose Amore for the next 6 months until Jose dumps her sorry needy fat ass.

Some are the other way around where the husband is a big POS loser and the wife has to get out while she still can.

My wife does tell the clients where she sees that the circumstances don't warrant a divorce (abuse, drugs, etc.) to seek other help, counseling etc... in order to save themselves from both being broke and their kids having a very high chance of failing in life. Tough it out in other words. Make it work. If not comes back and see me in 6-12 months if you still cannot work it out.

We just celebrated our 23 year anniversary, happily I might add.
At least you're honest about it. I can't imagine what life would be like if I had kids with the first one. Honestly -- I'm a pretty tough guy, but to rebuild from there? That just can't be easy at all. And to think that my children could have been raised by somebody like that? Ugh. VERY scary stuff.
Old 11-04-2010, 10:32 AM
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Study rings pretty true, at least, judging by my own life experience. I was a child of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 17. I was the oldest and it had the least impact on me, but it did have profound impact on my younger brothers and sisters, stuff that I still see in them today nearly 40 years later.

Marriage #1 ended in divorce for me after 13 years and one child. We did try to make it work. Separated, then did marriage counseling, renewed our wedding vows, etc. Within a year after that, we ended up parting ways. It was devastating; I felt like a failure at life for a long time after that.

Marriage #2 is in its 15th year. She brought 3 kids to the marriage. A lot of ups and downs there with the kids, but things are finally turning out well. She and I have had our moments, but those pass and together we are stronger than we are apart. We look at each other as best friends, we fish together, we have a strong bond. Stronger now than the first years of marriage.

As for the study being from BYU? Makes perfect sense to me. The Mormons have extremely strong family bonds; I know several Mormon families in my neighborhood and they are good people.

Personally, I've always thought that it should be extremely difficult and expensive to get married -- so much so that you have to spend time and make an effort to do it, over a 6 month or 1 year period. This would test the commitment to each other. Jump through all the hoops and then yes, you're allowed to get married.

Divorces, on the other hand, should be free! There would be a lot fewer of them.
Old 11-04-2010, 10:40 AM
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having been thru myself i would only add that while the premise of this study is sound, what would save many, many more marriages would be to have the "crossroads" conversation BEFORE the wedding. in my case it should have gone like this:

ME: do you love me the same way that i love you?
HER: (pause...)
ME: don't let that door catch you on the way out
Old 11-04-2010, 12:21 PM
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Reading this item has got me to thinking: Does anyone here know a good divorce attorney?
Old 11-04-2010, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by bikem View Post
Interesting read. I have been married 22 years and it has not been all bliss, but we seem to some how work it out. I sometimes wonder about the couples that seem to be perfect together after 15 or more years of marriage. Is it a front or can a perfect marriage exist?

What's your definition of a "perfect marriage"? If you've made it 22 years, you must be in pretty good shape.

My wife and I are past 17 years now. We've never had any insurmountable problems in nearly 20 years together. We've dealt with infertility treatments, loss of jobs, the stress of owning 2 homes for over a year, the death of a parent.

My parents were divorced when I was 7, after 9 years of marriage. My wife's parents were married for 48 years until my mother-in-law's death last year.

I don't think there is any magic recipe for success in marriage. What I do think is that too many people choose divorce because they don't want to work hard at staying married, they look for the easy way out, the quick fix. The article that is referenced was from 8 years ago and it points out that more people should consider their options before choosing that quick fix.
Old 11-04-2010, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by SeaJay View Post
Reading this item has got me to thinking: Does anyone here know a good divorce attorney?
I do.
Old 11-04-2010, 12:49 PM
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36 years -- just about got her trained - to old to train a different one --
Old 11-04-2010, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by gf View Post
What I do think is that too many people choose divorce because they don't want to work hard at staying married, they look for the easy way out, the quick fix.
That's because society as a whole has become more ADD than ever. We pretty much live in a throw-away society of instant gratification these days. When people aren't getting what they want, they quickly become bored, throw it away and onto the next, newer, better thing. Don't think for a second that doesn't translate over into marriage and relationships, as well.

Cellphones are the perfect example and analogy. New models come out so fast and there's absolutely nothing wrong with the one you currently have. Many folks stand in line and camp out the night before just to get the newest I-phone?? Not me. I'm still using the same cellphone I got 5 years ago and am perfectly happy with it.

Yes, my kids often call me a dinosaur. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that!
Old 11-04-2010, 02:45 PM
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Gotta tag this one to read later - too late for me.

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