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Its a sad day for Babesaurus - The big D!

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Its a sad day for Babesaurus - The big D!

Old 10-20-2010, 02:59 PM
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Default Its a sad day for Babesaurus - The big D!

Finally after 16 years of marriage and 20 years of being together we have split. She left today! After a couple of years of unhappiness I thought it would be easier! I was wrong, broke my heart and my 13 year old sons'. We have worked out the asset splits and custody with no attorney and now all we have to do is make it legit. I guess being in our early 40's we must think that the grass is greener somewhere else and we are too young to be unhappy.

We have been discussing and working out the details over the last couple of weeks. During this time we have probably had some of the best laughs together than we have had in a long time.

Regretful and Hurt!!

Babesaurus
Old 10-20-2010, 03:16 PM
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Don't feel like the Lone Ranger! My big D was somewhat nasty but I got over it.

Good luck.

BTW, I would still talk to an attorney. Many legal issues concerning pensions and such can ruin your day later on in life.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:27 PM
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Sorry to hear the news. Been there, done that and know how you feel. Takes time to heal, just don't give up and keep your head up. Keep close contact with your children regardless of the cost. Even though its a tough time in your life, things will get better. Most likely the children will even see that both of you are happier in a few months. Sounds like you have everything worked out, but be careful to make sure that later down the road what you agreed on is in writing and legal. Things change as you go your seperate ways and you start thinking about all those decissions you made together. I too would highly reccomend an attorney just to cover yourself down the road. Good luck
Old 10-20-2010, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by the good life View Post
Don't feel like the Lone Ranger! My big D was somewhat nasty but I got over it.

Good luck.

BTW, I would still talk to an attorney. Many legal issues concerning pensions and such can ruin your day later on in life.

Thanks for your response - everything is on the table financial wise. I keep the house as long as I can afford it, take the cc debt, keep my boats and give her half the cash. Not a bad deal at the end of the day. I do speak with an attorney friend of mine to help with the process. Everything is amicable - at least right now.

I appreciate your comments and support - just a tough time for me.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:30 PM
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Good Luck to you and your soon to be ex wife. That has to be crushingly hard. I luckily have never been down that road after 19 years. Again, good luck
Old 10-20-2010, 03:36 PM
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I wish you and your son the best. It sounds like you have your chin up and that is good for you and the boy
Old 10-20-2010, 03:39 PM
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Wow... sorry to hear that. But *know* that you are doing the right thing! I hung on waaaaaay longer than I should have in marriage #1. We separated, did counseling, got back together, renewed our wedding vows... only to end up at the same damn place another year or so down the road. Part of it was my fault. My parents divorced when I was about 17 and, although I was the oldest and it had the least impact on me, it did have lasting effects on my younger brothers and sisters. I swore I would stick it out no matter what and the Day of the D (even though I filed for it), I felt like a complete failure at life.

I guess what I'm getting at is this -- it's not your fault. It takes two to make a marriage work. You are better off admitting that it wasn't working and getting back on track to being happy again. There are bumps in the road with every relationship, but when the road becomes nothing but a nuked highway full of potholes, it's time to try a different path.

Hey, at least you have the house and the boat!
Old 10-20-2010, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Severance View Post
Sorry to hear the news. Been there, done that and know how you feel. Takes time to heal, just don't give up and keep your head up. Keep close contact with your children regardless of the cost. Even though its a tough time in your life, things will get better. Most likely the children will even see that both of you are happier in a few months. Sounds like you have everything worked out, but be careful to make sure that later down the road what you agreed on is in writing and legal. Things change as you go your seperate ways and you start thinking about all those decissions you made together. I too would highly reccomend an attorney just to cover yourself down the road. Good luck
Thanks - Severance!

I am pretty well heeled in these matters but I do consult with an attorney. The soon to be ex could have been worse with her demands, I can live with them. If I contest she could get nasty and we would just liquidate our cash on attorneys. We share custody of our 13 year old son but he lives with me - that is the best. I am typically a pretty optimistic person and know things will get better over time.

Thanks for your post - I really appreciate it.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:43 PM
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What's hers is hers, and what's yours is negotiable. She could lose her half of the cash in a bad investment, and with a minor child, come back to you for another split. There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Signed, sealed, and on record is your only hope.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:44 PM
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Hopefully you will be able to keep working things out and it will be as painless as possible for both of you. I was fortunate in that I went through marriage and divorce with no children at a very young age and was able to bounce back pretty quickly. I've now been with the same girl for over 22 years and can't imagine splitting up.

Best of luck to you.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:51 PM
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I really appreciate all of your responses to my post and advice. Over the months I have greatly enjoyed this forum and for the most part the sincere responses and information. Although I have not met the majority of the members that I have communicated with - you are still friends in my book. I have been fortunate enougth to meet a couple of you in person.

Thanks again for your support - it means a lot to me right now.
Old 10-20-2010, 03:53 PM
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As with life, marriage is not always an easy thing. It should not be a throw away commitment.

Having said that I am sorry to see a relationship breaking up. I truly hope you can convince her to try to work it out..........for the sake of your son and both of you.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:04 PM
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I sincerely hope all works out as proposed and that you and your son will find happiness.

I was married for 23 years when my wife and I separated. Neither of us had anyone else, so our separation was amicable. We waited two years before discussing a divorce and property settlement. She already had an attorny and we had a verbal agreement that was very much in her favor.
Once the lawyer got involved, everything changed. It will be 5 years next month since we separated and we still don't have a settlement. It will be 2 years Dec 30 since we were divorced (I was able to push the divorce through without the settlement).

The point of telling you my situation is that once your wife talks to friends, family and/or legal console, things may change. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and get it in writing. Just my $.02
Old 10-20-2010, 04:20 PM
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Originally Posted by davedowneast View Post
I sincerely hope all works out as proposed and that you and your son will find happiness.

I was married for 23 years when my wife and I separated. Neither of us had anyone else, so our separation was amicable. We waited two years before discussing a divorce and property settlement. She already had an attorny and we had a verbal agreement that was very much in her favor.
Once the lawyer got involved, everything changed. It will be 5 years next month since we separated and we still don't have a settlement. It will be 2 years Dec 30 since we were divorced (I was able to push the divorce through without the settlement).

The point of telling you my situation is that once your wife talks to friends, family and/or legal console, things may change. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and get it in writing. Just my $.02
Your right - but not much else can change and she knows it. The original agreement was crafted by her. I certianly understand where you are coming from - I have seen it many times but at the end of the day there is no more blood to squeeze.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:34 PM
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Happily Divorced for 8 years now...My ex is unhappy now..

Stay Motivated and good luck
Old 10-20-2010, 04:35 PM
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Sorry to hear what you are going thru. My first marriage lasted 28 yrs, and I was a very broken man when she left. Looking back on things, I can see where I had a lot to do with her leaving. Things weren't all that clear to me then. Having two kids together, we have stayed in touch and remain friends today.
It is true..time heals all wounds.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:40 PM
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Originally Posted by triumphrick View Post
Sorry to hear what you are going thru. My first marriage lasted 28 yrs, and I was a very broken man when she left. Looking back on things, I can see where I had a lot to do with her leaving. Things weren't all that clear to me then. Having two kids together, we have stayed in touch and remain friends today.
It is true..time heals all wounds.
We are doing our best to stay as friends. I can see the hurt in her as well. We attended our sons band concert last night and had a good time. We are both at fault in the failure of our marriage - we don't blame each other.

My goal is to stay focused on business and take care of my son.

Thanks for your reply to my post - every post helps right now.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:47 PM
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Sorry to hear that. Get everything vetted by an attorney. Once this is over and you have had time to recover, buy a bigger boat. And try look at the bright side. Yes, this has ben a traumatic experience, but when it is over, you will be a single man in his early 40's (MUCH better than late 40's like me) who lives in the Keys and owns boats...........need I say more?;? In case you can't tell, i went through a divorce a while back.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:52 PM
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Been there, almost done that. Mid-40s, kids gone, what's next? Finances worked out, papers drawn but...

we spent some time apart and found our marriage was worth working for, and it was hard work. Since then these really have been the best years of our lives.

I know, it hardly ever happens this way - it's easier to ride the D train than it is to stop it. And sometimes it's just over and done. Just make sure gave yourselves every chance.

Best of luck to you; especially your son. It's tough on the kids.
Old 10-20-2010, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by glacierbaze View Post
What's hers is hers, and what's yours is negotiable. She could lose her half of the cash in a bad investment, and with a minor child, come back to you for another split. There is no such thing as an amicable divorce. Signed, sealed, and on record is your only hope.
Unfortunately, I must totally agree with the above. Although I have never felt the "sting" of being served or doing the serving, I do know lots of friends that have been down this road. ALL OF THEM, have in some way or another turned a simple "D" into some sort of fiasco!!! It just happens.

PLEASE take the advise from above and have everything in writing, if not for your sake, then for your son's.

Good luck and God speed in your healing process!

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