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Another seeks advice

Old 06-03-2010, 09:59 AM
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A good friend of mine lives in Ca. his girlfriend of 8 yrs has a 9 yr. old daughter. The GF is going in for an operation in a few weeks that she is expected not to recover from. My friend is the only Father the little girl knows, somehow the bio dad found out what is taking place and has made contact.

My friend is afraid of loseing his "daughter" to a man that while biologicly is a dad has never sent a birthday card, offered/paid child support of any kind etc...

The GF is going to sign a notorized leter stating what her wishes for the girl are and other family members will state the same if it comes to court, I also know Ca. is pretty liberal with their laws. Does anyone have any more advice on how to proceed and what action he could take if Mom does not make it through the operation?

Thaks to all in advance!
Old 06-03-2010, 10:02 AM
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Old 06-03-2010, 10:13 AM
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He should have adopted her,I think he would or could need some sort of consent from the biological Father. I can't see were her notorized letter could do much in court. Our liberal court systems Love a biological parent no matter how worthless they are. The kids get no rights but the scum bag biological parents do. Hope it turns out well for the little girl,and maybe the surgery will go OK
Old 06-03-2010, 10:15 AM
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a. get married and adopt the daughter ASAP
b. at the very least get an attorney involved prior to her operation
Old 06-03-2010, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by bamaboy473 View Post
a. get married and adopt the daughter ASAP
b. at the very least get an attorney involved prior to her operation
B. Yes, for sure.
A. Even if you're married, generally needs notification to the other parent and the consent of same. If the other parent doesn't respond to notification, the court may agree to the adoption. If the other parent objects, good luck unless you can prove unfit, then other family members have higher standing than the proposed adoptive parent. This generally is a prolonged process and involves family services, etc. to insure the adopting parent is fit - even though the child may be living in the same household.

Best of luck and prayers to you, your GF and her daughter.
Old 06-03-2010, 11:05 AM
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It's California. To get custody your friend will have to claim to be a homosexual, crossdresser, illegal alien, pervert, and a liberal.
Old 06-03-2010, 11:17 AM
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Sign adoption papers. Or have the girlfriend leave a directive stating that she wises your friend act as her father.

I would also advise the g/f to establish a trust for her daughter making someone she is very comfortable with as the administrator of the trust. The administrator can be anyone she really believes would keep the best interests of the child. She can also have a ci-administrator arrangement which would allow for two or more people to make decisions on how money will be spent on the child.

I don't know about CA, but in NY if a father knew about the existence of a child and failed to make contact attempts with her, but one day suddenly comes out of the woodwork and does try to come back into her life, such activity can be opposed. As a matter of fact just the other week I did a motion opposing a paternity proceeding on a very similar fact pattern to what you presented. My best advice is to see a lawyer.
There are intricacies in the law which need to be addressed, and they are best addressed with competent counsel. Contact your local bar association for a recommendation if you don't know of a lawyer.

I wish your friend the best of luck. Hopefully the g/f will recover from the operation and none of this will be necessary.
Old 06-03-2010, 11:50 AM
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Get a damn good attorney as fast as possible!
Have all of her personal financial paperwork in order.
All of her possessions, titles, etc in order.

I wish the best to her, her daughter and you.
Old 06-03-2010, 12:49 PM
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All I can say is get an attorney and start the adoption process now regardless of the bio fathers wishes - it can't hurt. "Possession" and the girls current wishes may also count for something? And as said below get married!
Old 06-03-2010, 12:53 PM
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Marry and Adopt. Otherwise, your friend is simply the Mother's boyfriend.
Old 06-03-2010, 09:26 PM
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They have an appointment set up for Monday with a lawyer. The bio dad has said he will not allow another to adopt his bio daughter (he's just a scumbag, if I don't have her knowone can). The lawyer did mention they have a shot at abandonment and in the mean time they might get him listed as legal guardian.

The court stuff will take a long time (many months or more) but he has a good start.

Funny think about the bio dad is they garnished his wages in the early stages of all this so he just stopped making money, he's that vindictive.

Thanks for all the support, why they are not married yet beats me, I thought in Ca. that after 7-8 years you were considered common law, but I guess not for this purpose.
Old 06-04-2010, 06:38 AM
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Originally Posted by 08087 View Post
A good friend of mine lives in Ca. his girlfriend of 8 yrs has a 9 yr. old daughter. The GF is going in for an operation in a few weeks that she is expected not to recover from. My friend is the only Father the little girl knows, somehow the bio dad found out what is taking place and has made contact.

My friend is afraid of loseing his "daughter" to a man that while biologicly is a dad has never sent a birthday card, offered/paid child support of any kind etc...

The GF is going to sign a notorized leter stating what her wishes for the girl are and other family members will state the same if it comes to court, I also know Ca. is pretty liberal with their laws. Does anyone have any more advice on how to proceed and what action he could take if Mom does not make it through the operation?

Thaks to all in advance!
edited........my bad! for some reason I didn't pick up on the part "
Originally Posted by 08087 View Post
The GF is going in for an operation in a few weeks that she is expected not to recover from.

Last edited by Garett; 06-04-2010 at 07:19 AM.
Old 06-04-2010, 06:59 AM
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My Novice Opinion that has gone through similar.

GET YOUR FREIND TO A LAWYER TODAY! Write him a check TODAY!

Couple of obstacles from the sketchy details provided.

The 9 year old has two parents, mother and father, if one dies, she now has one parent with rights, the father.

A judge can award temporary custody (which more than likely will be awarded to the county child services, which will in turn possibly name your freind as the primary temporary caregiver of the 9 year old)

A permanancy hearing could take a year to take place because the system is set up for the biological parent to exhibit a disire to change their life and take control of their child. This is why it takes so long.

If you get to the permanancy hearing the father could lose all future parenting rights over the child, you are so far from this discussion, its not even worth the print.

A Notorized letter is likely no more than mere briefcase filler for your lawyer.

As a freind of the mother, your Freind is about last in line for the powers that be to go to for custody of this little girl, even though your friend is probably the best option.

The system is not set up for people like your freind. It's more designed for scumbag donors and recepticles to continue to worsen an already bad situation for someone that can't make decisions for themselves.

Not knowing any of the parties involved, I would guess the donor really does not want his life altered by being a full time caregiver to a 9 year old, he is simply trying to make his miserable existance in life a little tolerable for a day or two.
Old 06-04-2010, 07:29 AM
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Can't speak for what they do in California but, in SC, the biological father MUST sign over consent for the adoption to take place and even then, consent can sometimes be revoked at a later date. While it sucks, courts tend to give biological parents preference when making custody decisions. Get an attorney. My brother works for an attorney that does adoptions and he has seen biological parents sign over custody for $. Kind of sick and sad but it sometimes works.
Old 06-04-2010, 09:28 AM
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LAwyer is on Monday, I'll report back then. To much speculation on what can happen until then. I was hoping there might be a way around the legal system (Even though I know better). Not sure why they don't marry, I was thinking that maybe mom can make her sister a legal guardian and then my friend would still have someone on his side.

Have to see what the lawyer say.

Thanks
Old 06-04-2010, 11:49 AM
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That bio father is a piece of sh**t.
The little girl can lose her mother, and he wants to take her away from his "father".

He is certainly not thinking on the 9 year old girl.
Old 06-04-2010, 12:25 PM
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I certainly won't profess to know CA domestic law, but regardless of the law, one important factor is the motivation of the sperm donor. From his past actions, its either spite or $ or both. Can't do much about the spite factor, but there is some control over the $. He's thinking the daughter, being the sole heir of the mother, will get an inheritence. If the father gains custody, he probably thinks he will get control of the $. Remove that incentive by the use of trusts, the will, and beneficiary designations on insurance, retirements and bank accounts.
Old 06-04-2010, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by emaier View Post
I certainly won't profess to know CA domestic law, but regardless of the law, one important factor is the motivation of the sperm donor. From his past actions, its either spite or $ or both. Can't do much about the spite factor, but there is some control over the $. He's thinking the daughter, being the sole heir of the mother, will get an inheritence. If the father gains custody, he probably thinks he will get control of the $. Remove that incentive by the use of trusts, the will, and beneficiary designations on insurance, retirements and bank accounts.
X2!
Old 06-04-2010, 09:32 PM
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Originally Posted by emaier View Post
I certainly won't profess to know CA domestic law, but regardless of the law, one important factor is the motivation of the sperm donor. From his past actions, its either spite or $ or both. Can't do much about the spite factor, but there is some control over the $. He's thinking the daughter, being the sole heir of the mother, will get an inheritence. If the father gains custody, he probably thinks he will get control of the $. Remove that incentive by the use of trusts, the will, and beneficiary designations on insurance, retirements and bank accounts.

Very good suggestion, not much in the way of money but a life insurance policy is in place.
Old 06-05-2010, 02:18 PM
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Shoot the bastard. Its cheaper, easier, and more permanent. Its CA murder is easy to get away with.

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