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Dog v. Cat Diaries

Old 01-26-2010, 03:50 AM
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CJS
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The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:21 AM
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I believe every bit of it!
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:27 PM
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good stuff
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:37 PM
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Why do cats all of the sudden have to be in another room, for what seems to us, for no reason at all?
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Old 01-26-2010, 02:15 PM
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I'll still take my dog any day of the year. Hilarious.
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Old 01-26-2010, 09:16 PM
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Dogs are useful to me than cats, I'll take the dog.
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:05 AM
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Dogs have unconditional love,
Cats have unconditional resentment.
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:11 AM
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What are CATS?
- Cats do whatever they want and you have no idea what they are thinking.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They're totally unpredictable.
- They whine when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They're moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

CONCLUSION:
Cats are little women in fur coats.

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What are DOGS?
- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture they're allowed to sit on.
- They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't listen to you when you're in the same room.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They are great at begging.
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then kiss you.

CONCLUSION: Dogs are little MEN in fur coats.
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Old 01-27-2010, 08:25 AM
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How about a cat and dog pic thread? I'll start with His Grace.
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Rascalsdad View Post
How about a cat and dog pic thread? I'll start with His Grace.
"His" Grace?

Rule is - no matter what the gender of a cat, they are all felines!
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