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Company Memo

Old 12-04-2009, 08:16 AM
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Default Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees


DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees


DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director


TO: All Employees


DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees


DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!


Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees


DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pr*/%#s!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009


RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
Old 12-04-2009, 09:55 AM
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Could that have been sent out by the White House to the Wall St. hand out recipients?
Old 12-04-2009, 10:00 AM
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So, SurferGirl, are you a MOD or what? You posted the above response prior to hhi angler's reply. I replied and quoted your initial reply. Now my post is gone and yours is back.

Care to explain? ;?
Old 12-04-2009, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Marlin009 View Post
So, SurferGirl, are you a MOD or what? You posted the above response prior to hhi angler's reply. I replied and quoted your initial reply. Now my post is gone and yours is back.

Care to explain? ;?
When he zaps it again, you can still find it in the vendor forums.
Old 12-04-2009, 10:04 AM
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Originally Posted by SurferGirl View Post
When he zaps it again, you can still find it in the vendor forums.

He who?
Old 12-04-2009, 10:05 AM
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Originally Posted by SurferGirl View Post
When he zaps it again, you can still find it in the vendor forums.
Who got the DWI?
Old 12-04-2009, 10:09 AM
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Gone again. ;?;?;?
Old 12-04-2009, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by bsmit24 View Post
Who got the DWI?
Not I.
Check out projective identification pattern of NPDs
Old 12-04-2009, 10:12 AM
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This place is getting nutz!
Old 12-04-2009, 11:51 AM
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That's hilarious, but so true in the world today.....Can't say or do anything for being accused of something.....

Regards,
Big R
Old 12-04-2009, 11:59 AM
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Is this a secret thread
Old 12-04-2009, 02:05 PM
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This is a real email we got at my office today. Our office has been in "drama mode" all day about the Christmas party.

Hi all,
After much discussion, several do not want to do the dinner @ insert restaurant name.. Partly due to the date and also the way we were treated there last year. There was no discussion
as to an alternate location. Most wanted to continue to have our little "office party" and the Chinese Christmas here at the office. That being said, here are the details:

Office party will be 22nd @ 5:30pm (Ashley cannot be here on 23rd due to traveling & Chris will not be here 21st)
For those that wish to participate, the gift amount will continue to be $25 for a UNISEX gift. Something appropriate for everyone.
Get with Charity about what you would like to bring foodwise for that day

If anyone wishes to, they can contribute $5 towards the Angel Tree & we will collect & support a child from the whole office. This is by choice only, no one is obligated. Get with me if you wish to contribute.

Thanks.
Old 12-04-2009, 04:27 PM
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This is America. We celebrate Christmas. No, I don't go to church. Unisex? If I catch you or yer wife under the mistletoe, YOU are safe! I really don't care if you personally celebrate Ramalamadingdong or Kwannza, WE AMERICANS DON'T! I don't care if you are fat/thin/sober/vegan/religious/gay/born again/handicapped/dumb as a box of rocks...just keep it to yourself and leave me alone and we'll get along fine. If you are a vegetarian, don't watch me eat a dead cow. Yes. I'm having a beer or 2..so? I could give a crap that you found Jesus or some other fictional character.

This political correctness is pathetic. Get over it. You simply don't have the right to impose your ill conceived beliefs on me.
Old 12-05-2009, 05:50 AM
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Originally Posted by billinstuart View Post
This is America. We celebrate Christmas. No, I don't go to church. Unisex? If I catch you or yer wife under the mistletoe, YOU are safe! I really don't care if you personally celebrate Ramalamadingdong or Kwannza, WE AMERICANS DON'T! I don't care if you are fat/thin/sober/vegan/religious/gay/born again/handicapped/dumb as a box of rocks...just keep it to yourself and leave me alone and we'll get along fine. If you are a vegetarian, don't watch me eat a dead cow. Yes. I'm having a beer or 2..so? I could give a crap that you found Jesus or some other fictional character.

This political correctness is pathetic. Get over it. You simply don't have the right to impose your ill conceived beliefs on me.


I vote for this approach.
Old 12-05-2009, 05:55 AM
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Aaaah office Christmas dinner. We have Chirstmas lunch. Every year the CEO takes us out, then I have to listen to him complain the rest of the day about someone ordering something that was too expensive and that the wine was too expensive etc. One year someone wanted to order bottle water and he flipped out and said NO only tap water, he will not pay for bottled water.

He gives us 100 dollar gift cards. Last year he charged the gift card to my travel budget. I am sending him a memo this year advising him not to give me a gift card. I haven't figured out how to get out of Christmas lunch yet.
Old 12-05-2009, 06:10 AM
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Since I have been laid off since May, I don't have to worry about office Christmas Parties.
Hey, maybe I'll go down to the unemployment office and see if they are throwing one. I have gotten to know those folks much better than I ever thought I would!
Old 12-05-2009, 06:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Ray Zor View Post
Since I have been laid off since May, I don't have to worry about office Christmas Parties.
Hey, maybe I'll go down to the unemployment office and see if they are throwing one. I have gotten to know those folks much better than I ever thought I would!
Sorry to hear about that.

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