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Facebook - Be careful...

Old 07-17-2009, 09:00 AM
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Default Facebook - Be careful...

I've read some threads and some articles on the benefits and troubles caused by social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace, etc, and would caution my THT brethren to pay attention if your spouse opens an account.

I won't get into my personal business on this site, but contacts made by a past "friend" has blossomed into a painful situation for two young families when someone made contact with an old "friend".

Remember, what was once a physical interest in someone at one time, whether it be 5, 10 or 20 years ago, there will always be a physical interest. Throw in the challenges of keeping a marriage vibrant and healthy and the recipe for disaster is a lot closer than you think.

My suggestion is if someone opens an account, open it as a family, while you can...
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:13 AM
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Sorry to hear that.

I have also heard that this problem is rife in those school friends reunite sites where old school friends hook back up. There is a site in Britain called Friends Reunited that has been cited as causing a large number of real issues.

Of course there are those that will argue that you cannot blame a web site for marital issues and that the problem must always have been there - but it certainly can be used as a tool to simplify making matters worse.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:36 AM
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I don't want to sound insensitive, but that isn't a fault of facebook. Facebook is like a giant "411" operator. It is a human condition. And while I wish noone any brain damage, I will coin a phrase, where there is a will, there is a way.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:42 AM
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electronic communication has ruined many families and friendships. it's too easy to write something that you'd never say face to face.
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Old 07-17-2009, 09:42 AM
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I agree, doughnut. If ppl can't keep their pants on, it's a personal fault, not the fault of a conduit like FB or anything else for that matter. Anyone ever heard of personal responsibility? Yeah, figured that...

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Old 07-17-2009, 10:51 AM
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Honest honey. facebook made me do it. what a crock
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by CMP View Post
I agree, doughnut. If ppl can't keep their pants on, it's a personal fault, not the fault of a conduit like FB or anything else for that matter. Anyone ever heard of personal responsibility? Yeah, figured that...

CMP
Thats easy to say when you (presumably) are a reasonable, logical thinking person. But the fact is there are a lot of d!psh!ts on this planet that would be a lot better off without these "tools".
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:26 AM
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Still a cop-out, Doc. I married a woman to whom I made a promise before God, family and friends. I'll keep the promise because I said I would and on a less serious note, is a piece of tail really worth the headaches it will bring???

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Old 07-17-2009, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by CMP View Post
Still a cop-out, Doc. I married a woman to whom I made a promise before God, family and friends. I'll keep the promise because I said I would and on a less serious note, is a piece of tail really worth the headaches it will bring???

CMP

I agree!
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:40 AM
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Originally Posted by CMP View Post
Still a cop-out, Doc. I married a woman to whom I made a promise before God, family and friends. I'll keep the promise because I said I would and on a less serious note, is a piece of tail really worth the headaches it will bring???

CMP
Not a cop out at all. I work with people struggling through this every day and I can assure you that there are statistics out the wazoo that say that things like cell phones, instant messaging, web secks, FORUMS, facebook, etc are major contributors (not the cause) to having this sort of *stuff* happen.

If you both are strong enough to keep your vows, awesome, great for you but I can tell you that EVERYONE whose marriage falls apart due to this *stuff* thought the same thing and in the end, vows were just things that the wayward spouse said that they could now rationalize away somehow because they are unhappy, controlled, a different person, not in that love anymore, etc, etc....

All the Ops was saying (I think) is that where there's smoke, there's often fire.
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:50 AM
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It's a cop out any way you look at it, no different than a fat person blaming Mcdonalds for their weight problem.
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Captain Sid View Post
It's a cop out any way you look at it, no different than a fat person blaming Mcdonalds for their weight problem.
well said
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Old 07-17-2009, 11:58 AM
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Yes, I agree it's a cop out if someone BLAMES Facebook for their missteps. Things like Facebook simply present "opportunities" more easily than in the past - it's up to the individual what choices they make when presented with those "opportunities".
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:07 PM
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There are opportunities in off-line life as well, just not as easy. Again, it's a cop-out and it excuses bad behavior. Weak-minded people or, more importantly, weak-minded people who are constantly told "it's not your fault" and have no moral compass will find a scapegoat for the behaviors they exhibit. Stop giving people an excuse and force them to look at the root cause of their infidelities:themselves...

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Old 07-17-2009, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by CMP View Post
Stop giving people an excuse
I don't see anywhere in this thread where anyone has done that.
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by CMP View Post
There are opportunities in off-line life as well, just not as easy. Again, it's a cop-out and it excuses bad behavior. Weak-minded people or, more importantly, weak-minded people who are constantly told "it's not your fault" and have no moral compass will find a scapegoat for the behaviors they exhibit. Stop giving people an excuse and force them to look at the root cause of their infidelities:themselves...

CMP

That sums it up. The culture has turned towards "not my fault". We live in a world where we give folks money for burning themselves by spilling hot coffee in their lap that they ordered. I mean seriously, can you imagine the fate of some of this frivolity in the post depression era? "Your Honor, I want McDonalds to pay me because I spilled coffee on myself". Judge:" Bailiff, throw him in Jail for wasting this courts time"

I would agree that there are all kinds of ways to get yourself into trouble out there. However, getting into trouble is a choice, and that is on the chooser. Making it easier or harder to get in the candy store is irrelevant, it's whether you pay for the candy or not, and if steal you the candy, you get to pay in the end anyhow.
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:25 PM
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I'm not disagreeing with anyone, I'm pointing out that the OP wasn't looking to blame or excuse. He (?) was simply putting a warning out there - and it's a valid warning.

My final post on the matter - sorry to drag it out. Back to more uplifting subjects...like the economy .
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:30 PM
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Personal responsibility has been lost over the last generation or two. My grandparents paid cash for what they needed and took responsibility for their mistakes. Hopefully I can raise my kids to do the same.

Facebook and the like are a trip. I joined to communicate with an old friend who blew off our 20 year high school reunion. Within a month of joining just about everyone from my old school was pinging me to reconnect. It's cool but certainly a way to cyber cheat if you're into that kind of thing.

The McDonalds coffee thing often gets thrown out there. I think it's a terrible example however. There is an industry standard for how hot coffee, tea, soup, etc can be served. If the restaurant serves coffee 50% hotter than what's generally acceptable shouldn't they be responsible for the damage that occurs? Of course coffee is hot, of course it burns if you spill it. But if it's 5 times hotter than it's supposed to be and the damages from spilling it are 5 times greater than they would have been if it was served at an appropriate temperature, shouldn't the restaurant accept some responsibility and pay for damages? Whether they should pay millions is another arguement. And NO, I'm not a plaintiff attorney.
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Old 07-17-2009, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Bird Rock View Post
Personal responsibility has been lost over the last generation or two. My grandparents paid cash for what they needed and took responsibility for their mistakes. Hopefully I can raise my kids to do the same.
Why bother? What has being fiscally responsible really done for you?

I've scrimped and saved my whole life only to see at more than half off it disappear over the last year, while I see those who caused and continue to cause the economic mess we're in now flourish and get paid massive bonuses. Those who bought stuff they couldn't afford were never punished; they just moved along to do something else, somewhere else. There was no retribution for their actions. There never will be.

I wish now that about 3 years ago I would have taken a 120% loan on my house, bought another newer house with that money, and just defaulted on my first house and quit work. My boat is paid for, and I could bar tend to pay the electric bill and food. But nope..I was fiscally responsible (lol) and continued to contribute to my 401K and pay my bills. 3 years later all of the money I contributed is gone (plus half of what was there), and I've worked 3 more years with less to show for it than someone who was a "victim".

Really..think about what you are teaching your kids, and why. Maybe "getting ahead" means something different now.

(there was your economics discussion)

As for facebook..as with others here..if your wife runs off with someone they met 10 or 20 years ago in high school..they obviously weren't very happy to begin with. Let'em go. Life's too short to worry about what other people do or will do or might do; you can't change it anyway.
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Old 07-17-2009, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Bird Rock View Post
If the restaurant serves coffee 50% hotter than what's generally acceptable shouldn't they be responsible for the damage that occurs? Of course coffee is hot, of course it burns if you spill it. But if it's 5 times hotter than it's supposed to be and the damages from spilling it are 5 times greater than they would have been if it was served at an appropriate temperature, shouldn't the restaurant accept some responsibility and pay for damages? .

NO....IMO
If you burn yourself, deal with it!
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