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Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

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Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Old 05-08-2008, 09:11 AM
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Default Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

My gal, who I plan to marry, has a son that is quite a piece of work. It's a long story, but in a nutshell, he's getting out of jail today after 4 months of doing nothing. He's 20 years old, and plays his mother like a violin. She can't help herself. I took the guy in almost a year ago to help, and he's proven to be sneaky, lazy, and manipulative. he had nowhere to go, and I could not turn his mother down, so I let him move in. He took copmlete advantage of my jesture. Wound up quitting his low-paying job to just hang out. Then, the law finally caught up and he went to jail for accumulated, stupid charges that he seemed to ignore. Back today. I plan on giving 0 chances from this point on. I wish I could trust the guy and know that any help would be appreciated and returned simply by him MOVING THE F&%*K out on his own. To make it worse, he's very smart. His mother actually is planning to bake him a cake!!!
IMO, he had better have a job by Monday, 5/12, or expect his shite to be on the front porch by tuesday morning.
Love her to death, but the son has to go, for his own good as well as ours. I just don't know how as I'm very laid back and like quiet, peace, and harmony at home. He's a black cloud that I know once out of his cage will latch on and continue to rain all over himself and anyone around him.
Think I'm being a penis? Believe me, there's a lot of his rediculous crap I left out. I have given him more than a fair shake here.
How would you handle? ;? ;? ;?
Old 05-08-2008, 09:18 AM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

adavefish2 - 5/8/2008 11:11 AM

How would you handle? ;? ;? ;?
I'd eat the whole cake. Leave some icing on your face.







Old 05-08-2008, 09:23 AM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

If they will take him, have him join the military.
Old 05-08-2008, 09:24 AM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Sounds like she needs to thro a few hacksaw blades into that cake.... ;?

Good luck with that!
Old 05-08-2008, 09:26 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

You should give Mom the Book "Boundries" by Henry Cloud for mothers day. You had better have a pre nup and not give him a single chance until he has a long tract record of good decisions. No loans, no cosigns, no gifts, etc. I have a couple of black clouds in my family and it is interesting to see how they exist with tough love and enabling (two different families and two different approaches).
Old 05-08-2008, 09:27 AM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Ludicrous - 5/8/2008 8:18 AM

adavefish2 - 5/8/2008 11:11 AM

How would you handle? ;? ;? ;?
I'd eat the whole cake. Leave some icing on your face.








YES!
Old 05-08-2008, 09:30 AM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

itwonder - 5/8/2008 8:23 AM

If they will take him, have him join the military.
yeah, I advised him to do the military last year. Without a second of hesitation, he said "I'm not ready for that."

I was in the Army and thank my stars I did it way back when. Too bad, it would do him well or leave him completly exposed for what he is.
Old 05-08-2008, 09:35 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

bsmit24 - 5/8/2008 8:26 AM

You should give Mom the Book "Boundries" by Henry Cloud for mothers day. You had better have a pre nup and not give him a single chance until he has a long tract record of good decisions. No loans, no cosigns, no gifts, etc. I have a couple of black clouds in my family and it is interesting to see how they exist with tough love and enabling (two different families and two different approaches).

Looks like you've had some experience I'm sorry to say. It really makes me feel crappy to have to come off so hard and penis-like. He'll not get anything from me except a roof for a little while. Thanks for the heads-up on the Henry Cloud book.
Old 05-08-2008, 10:21 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Pick him up from the jail and take him straight to the recruiters. Pull up to the front door and tell him he either comes up with an acceptable plan for his life or he is expected to join them in there.

He needs boundaries, established limits. Tell him he has 2-days to get his plan for his life on paper or he is to come back with his enlistment papers. Tell him you will accept no other choice, tell him not to think outside the box.

An acceptable plan for his life at his age: college, full load. If he comes up with plans to work his plan must also include a moving out schedule so that he is supporting himself. In the meantime, if he working full time he must be contributing to the family budget.

The problem is 1/2 him, and 1/2 his mother, and to some degree, you. His mother and YOU are enabling him.

Question: why would you even consider marrying this woman when she brings this problem to the alter with her? That says something about you. The fact that you came to this forum to ask for help with this kind of a problem is an indication you are not ready for this kind of a family dynamic. DO NOT marry her until this problem is fully resolved.


Old 05-08-2008, 10:39 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

It all boils down to you choosing the package deal. You'll just have to deal with him or get another piece of ass somewhere else if it's that bad. Only option you got. Sad but true.
Old 05-08-2008, 10:41 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

You need to understand that blood is thicker than your love!! First, talk to your GF, tell her you have been more than fair with the boy. Tell her, he is not moving back in with yall. Go out get him a small no frills apartment (studio or something) pay the rent for a month. Take him to Goodwill get him a sofa and cheap essentials. Tell him its all his and its paid up for the month. Make him get a job. If you let him move back in you will never get rid of him. Tell your GF you are will to help him up to a limit, he is not living in your house.
Old 05-08-2008, 10:45 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!


Thanks Eye,
Yep, I know you are right. Helps to hear it from others that's for sure. No more chances, or enableing behavior from me, even if it's the end of us, I'll be better off.
Too bad, she's great except this. He plays her so well. I'm getting prepared to be the bad guy here.
Time to man-up or shut up for me. Self relection is in order.
Thanks for the words!!
Old 05-08-2008, 10:51 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Thanks to everyone. Should be interesting today when I get home from work. $$$ says he'll be sleeping, eating, or watching the tube.
The fan better get ready, because it's calmly, cooly, but firmly going to have the shite thrown in it today. I'm not one for abusive retoric, etc., but enough is enough. thanks again guys. I'd like to think I have my own pair of jewels, but like I said, it's nice to know folks agree.
Old 05-08-2008, 10:52 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Bugbuster - 5/7/2008 12:39 PM It all boils down to you choosing the package deal. You'll just have to deal with him or get another piece of ass somewhere else if it's that bad. Only option you got. Sad but true.


The kid will always be her son, you will be the bastard that doesn't understand. You will lose the battle
Old 05-08-2008, 11:04 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

What would you do if it were your own son? Answer to that question will give you her perspective.

Forget college, as a convicted felon, no way he can go "corporate". What about a local trade school? Get him in a field where he can learn and still earn a good income.
Old 05-08-2008, 11:20 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Send him to Maine with Hopkins.
Old 05-08-2008, 11:21 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Just do the right thing and plant a couple grams of meth on him and call Cracker. Problem solved.
Old 05-08-2008, 11:45 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Bugbuster - 5/8/2008 1:21 PM

Just do the right thing and plant a couple grams of meth on him and call Cracker. Problem solved.
Bug, u killin me...
Old 05-08-2008, 11:57 AM
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Default Re: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Cracker, you do house calls?
Old 05-08-2008, 12:07 PM
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Default RE: Problem Child---can't be trusted. ADVICE SOLICITED!!!!

Where's his biological father ?


Is he following in Dad's footsteps?


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