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THE RULES... as they should be

Old 11-11-2007, 09:19 PM
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Default THE RULES... as they should be

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

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Old 11-12-2007, 05:56 AM
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Default RE: THE RULES... as they should be

ken2 - 11/12/2007 12:19 AM

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
What about ballet?
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Old 11-12-2007, 07:03 AM
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Default RE: THE RULES... as they should be

Menzies - 11/12/2007 8:56 AM

ken2 - 11/12/2007 12:19 AM

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
What about ballet?
It's okay as long as you don't pay for it and are just taking your 4 year old son along with his buddies for a nursery school field trip to educate them on the fact that this is just plain wrong.

Outside of that...

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Old 11-12-2007, 10:25 AM
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Default RE: THE RULES... as they should be



It's ashame #24 had to be even expressed at all....common knowledge i thought
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Old 11-12-2007, 12:12 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

I couldn't believe you told the ballet story on here TN. ha ha.
The soccer mom comment was the only saving grace.

I suppose we'll add another rule.

29: If for watever morbid reason you get roped into going to a ballet with your kids and/or family, its a don't ask don't tell policy.
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Old 11-12-2007, 12:30 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Ah hell, I told you I was just trying to teach the young 'un what not to do when he got older!

Now as to your suggestion of adding a #29 addressing ballet, I would only add that it would be acceptable to attend a ballet with another male in order to scope out soccer moms. Either that or it would be a requirement to throw banana peels onto the stage floor whenever the lights were dimmed. Hell, full contact ballet might be kinda fun to watch!
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Old 11-12-2007, 12:48 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

TN FREEBIRD - 11/12/2007 12:30 PM

Ah hell, I told you I was just trying to teach the young 'un what not to do when he got older!

Now as to your suggestion of adding a #29 addressing ballet, I would only add that it would be acceptable to attend a ballet with another male in order to scope out soccer moms. Either that or it would be a requirement to throw banana peels onto the stage floor whenever the lights were dimmed. Hell, full contact ballet might be kinda fun to watch!
In general little league sports moms, And my Ex (with whom i had to go to the Opera, and without question bringing my trusty flask) asks me why i'm so intent on my son playing baseball, aside from the possible millions he could make..


Speaking of 2 men going to the Ballet together..reminds me of the recent movie Knocked Up...The two guys go to Circ de sole, one not too excited to be going, the other one pull out of his pocket a bag of 'shrooms.....Then he was onboard. Hilarious sceen watching those guys trip.



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Old 11-12-2007, 01:01 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

I haven't seen that movie, but it looked like it would be funny as hell base on the previews. Is it out on DVD yet?
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Old 11-12-2007, 01:06 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Yup on DVD...rented it myself
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Old 11-12-2007, 01:18 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Cool, I'll have to check that one out.
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Old 11-12-2007, 03:21 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

anytime you are scoping out moms, it is OK to be anywhere
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Old 11-12-2007, 03:48 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Got milf?
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Old 11-12-2007, 05:35 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

TN FREEBIRD - 11/12/2007 3:48 PM

Got milf?


Occasionally
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Old 11-12-2007, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Addenda to No. 26: Lime Green Hemi Cuda's and Hugger Orange Big Block Camaro's are acceptable.
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Old 11-12-2007, 08:25 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

Mopar is never acceptable, Lime Green with a hemispherical combustion chamber or purple with "Neon" written on the back...allllllllllll the same...
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Old 11-18-2007, 07:29 PM
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Default Re: THE RULES... as they should be

redneck7 - 11/12/2007 8:25 PM

Mopar is never acceptable, Lime Green with a hemispherical combustion chamber or purple with "Neon" written on the back...allllllllllll the same...
I bet you're a vegetarian too...
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