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What Mom taught me......

Old 05-22-2007, 01:30 PM
  #1  
CJS
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Default What Mom taught me......


An oldie but goody.........

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck ,
You're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear ,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
they turn out just like you
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Old 05-22-2007, 01:33 PM
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Default RE: What Mom taught me......

Your Mom was a very smart person. Mine just told me to stay he hell out of her box of chocklit or I'd know exactly what I'd get!
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Old 05-22-2007, 01:42 PM
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Default RE: What Mom taught me......

YOMAMA, knew what she was talking about[img]../images/emoticons/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:37 AM
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Default Re: What Mom taught me......

I like to tell "My Mamma ..." jokes when my mother is around. She used to worry people thought she was crazy when I was a kid. Now she laughs with everyone else. I cant wait to ad a few of these to my repertoir.
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Old 05-23-2007, 09:28 PM
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Default RE: What Mom taught me......

Of all the things my mama taught me, I think that potty training thing has been the most handy
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Old 05-23-2007, 10:02 PM
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Default Re: What Mom taught me......

#23...........................

One of the worst beatin's I ever got was when my mother asked my brother "....................were you born in a barn?"...........

And I said "Weren't you there?"...................

Bang!
Slap!
Pop!
Whammo!
Bang! (again)
and so on and so forth........
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